Status: Big old hiatus. Not sure if it'll ever be updated again, sorry if you were reading this.
Rumours
find my purpose
Carla's office was the same as always. This week it looked somewhat more organised than usual. Her desk was clear of clutter, and things seemed to be put in the appropriate place. She felt that the clutter was an obstacle. The cluttered desk and misplaced possessions was blocking up her thought processes. She couldn't think and get inside her patients minds, until she de-cluttered her own. And so, she had spent her free afternoon, dusting and throwing useless things away, ready for when Ashton Willis stepped through the door at four.
She watched the teenager sit down in her usual seat. She crossed one leg over the other and placed her bag down beside her. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, the electronic device was buzzing away in her hand, blasting some teenage punk band's latest song. Ashton frowned at the screen and pressed a couple of buttons, before dropping her phone into her bag.
Carla took all of Ashton's actions into account. The phone call was clearly unwanted, and she wondered why. "How are you today, Ashton?" She asked, plastering a big, fake smile on and making her voice light and breezy.
Ashton shrugged. "First day of school's always a bore."
Carla smiled and took her position in the seat across from Ashton. She studied the girl sitting before her. Her long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, the shorter layers looked a little windswept, her eyeliner rimmed blue eyes were studying her chipped nail polish and she was chewing her bottom lip.
"What do we have to talk about this afternoon?" Ashton asked, breaking the comfortable silence. She liked genuinely Carla, and she hoped these therapy sessions weren't going to end up being a waste of time. She had a feeling that the woman sitting opposite her could really help her through this and she'd end up coming out the other side, in possession of a much more positive mental attitude.
"Well, that's up to you. Is there anything we didn't cover last week, or is there anything that happened at school that maybe affected you?"
Ashton thought hard. "Well, I didn't sit in front of the mirror, crying my eyes out this morning. I suppose that's a plus. School was okay, average if anything. I think I upset Cass though, I was being a bitch though."
Carla nodded. She knew Cass was Ashton's best friend. If anything, the girl sounded lovely, but she couldn't help but blame her for Ashton's problem. It wasn't Cass' fault, of course it wasn't. She didn't even know what Ashton was going through. None of her friends did, she chose not to tell them. Carla knew it was risky, her friends would only be hurt when they eventually found out, but Ashton had made it clear she didn't want them to know, so Carla had no choice but to accept that. After all, she was here to help Ashton, not order her around and tell her what she should or shouldn't be doing.
"I just couldn't help it. She showed up this morning looking as she usually does, but she looked even more gorgeous what with her new shoes. But even when she threw them away and put on those god awful Converse, she still manages to look stunning, and I just don't compare to her at all. So, during last period, a girl we've always sworn to never have anything to do with, started talking to me. And Audrey gets it. She understands. I've never spoken to anyone who understands me like she does."
Carla raised one freshly waxed eyebrow. "You mean to say you've told someone about this?"
Ashton shook her head, her eyes widening. "No, no, not at all. I just told her I have body issues. I didn't tell her the extent of it. I mean, she understood, she says it's normal to be obsessed with your appearance and weight and compare yourself to other people."
"Ashton, honey, you do a lot more than just simply stand on the scales, glaring at the number that comes up, and staring in shop mirrors, saying how fat you are. This girl obviously does what she does for attention, you're reason is much deeper than that."
Ashton scowled. "How do you know? You've never met Audrey, so how can you tell?"
"I can't. But this Audrey girl doesn't sound like she's going to do you any good. I know it hurts, I know you want to break down and cry every time you see Cass. I know she's your best friend, who you love to death, but can't stand at the same time, but trust me, she's a lot better for you than Audrey."
"But Audrey understands!"
"No she doesn't. Ashton, did you tell her about this first? Or did she start the conversation?"
"I told her first."
"Then she's playing on your weakness. Audrey's the girl you told me about last week, isn't she? The one that destroys the younger girl's reputations?"
Ashton stayed quiet, she turned away and looked towards the door. She wondered what Carla would do if she ran towards it and left as quickly as she could.
"Ashton, what I'm saying is there's more to body dysmorphic disorder than being a little self conscious."
"I know."
"And did you know you're the only patient I worry about after hours?"
This caught Ashton's attention. She looked up at Carla. "What?"
Carla nodded. "You're so vulnerable. It's almost like you're a time bomb, Ashton, you're so self destructive, it's frightening."
She chewed her lip. "Don't worry about me. Just don't, okay? I can cope. I can do this on my own." She reached into her bag and pulled out the bottle of pills she had been prescribed, placing them on the table between them. "I don't need these. I don't need therapy, I can do this on my own, so Carla, you needn't worry about me anymore."
Anger had gotten the better of her. She was so annoyed that Carla could suggest that Audrey was out to do bad things. She had been the only person who had understood how she felt. She'd never discussed it with anyone outside of Carla's office until today, and it felt better to talk to someone who she could relate to, instead of a stuffy, over educated therapist, who really had no clue.
She stood up and left the room, slamming the door behind her. She walked through the building, pushing the door open and stepping out into the warm, sunny afternoon.
Deep down, Ashton knew it was the wrong thing to do. She needed her anti-depressants, she needed therapy and she needed someone to help her get through this.
So she called the only other person who understood.
"Audrey? Could you come and meet me somewhere? I need to talk to someone."
She watched the teenager sit down in her usual seat. She crossed one leg over the other and placed her bag down beside her. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, the electronic device was buzzing away in her hand, blasting some teenage punk band's latest song. Ashton frowned at the screen and pressed a couple of buttons, before dropping her phone into her bag.
Carla took all of Ashton's actions into account. The phone call was clearly unwanted, and she wondered why. "How are you today, Ashton?" She asked, plastering a big, fake smile on and making her voice light and breezy.
Ashton shrugged. "First day of school's always a bore."
Carla smiled and took her position in the seat across from Ashton. She studied the girl sitting before her. Her long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, the shorter layers looked a little windswept, her eyeliner rimmed blue eyes were studying her chipped nail polish and she was chewing her bottom lip.
"What do we have to talk about this afternoon?" Ashton asked, breaking the comfortable silence. She liked genuinely Carla, and she hoped these therapy sessions weren't going to end up being a waste of time. She had a feeling that the woman sitting opposite her could really help her through this and she'd end up coming out the other side, in possession of a much more positive mental attitude.
"Well, that's up to you. Is there anything we didn't cover last week, or is there anything that happened at school that maybe affected you?"
Ashton thought hard. "Well, I didn't sit in front of the mirror, crying my eyes out this morning. I suppose that's a plus. School was okay, average if anything. I think I upset Cass though, I was being a bitch though."
Carla nodded. She knew Cass was Ashton's best friend. If anything, the girl sounded lovely, but she couldn't help but blame her for Ashton's problem. It wasn't Cass' fault, of course it wasn't. She didn't even know what Ashton was going through. None of her friends did, she chose not to tell them. Carla knew it was risky, her friends would only be hurt when they eventually found out, but Ashton had made it clear she didn't want them to know, so Carla had no choice but to accept that. After all, she was here to help Ashton, not order her around and tell her what she should or shouldn't be doing.
"I just couldn't help it. She showed up this morning looking as she usually does, but she looked even more gorgeous what with her new shoes. But even when she threw them away and put on those god awful Converse, she still manages to look stunning, and I just don't compare to her at all. So, during last period, a girl we've always sworn to never have anything to do with, started talking to me. And Audrey gets it. She understands. I've never spoken to anyone who understands me like she does."
Carla raised one freshly waxed eyebrow. "You mean to say you've told someone about this?"
Ashton shook her head, her eyes widening. "No, no, not at all. I just told her I have body issues. I didn't tell her the extent of it. I mean, she understood, she says it's normal to be obsessed with your appearance and weight and compare yourself to other people."
"Ashton, honey, you do a lot more than just simply stand on the scales, glaring at the number that comes up, and staring in shop mirrors, saying how fat you are. This girl obviously does what she does for attention, you're reason is much deeper than that."
Ashton scowled. "How do you know? You've never met Audrey, so how can you tell?"
"I can't. But this Audrey girl doesn't sound like she's going to do you any good. I know it hurts, I know you want to break down and cry every time you see Cass. I know she's your best friend, who you love to death, but can't stand at the same time, but trust me, she's a lot better for you than Audrey."
"But Audrey understands!"
"No she doesn't. Ashton, did you tell her about this first? Or did she start the conversation?"
"I told her first."
"Then she's playing on your weakness. Audrey's the girl you told me about last week, isn't she? The one that destroys the younger girl's reputations?"
Ashton stayed quiet, she turned away and looked towards the door. She wondered what Carla would do if she ran towards it and left as quickly as she could.
"Ashton, what I'm saying is there's more to body dysmorphic disorder than being a little self conscious."
"I know."
"And did you know you're the only patient I worry about after hours?"
This caught Ashton's attention. She looked up at Carla. "What?"
Carla nodded. "You're so vulnerable. It's almost like you're a time bomb, Ashton, you're so self destructive, it's frightening."
She chewed her lip. "Don't worry about me. Just don't, okay? I can cope. I can do this on my own." She reached into her bag and pulled out the bottle of pills she had been prescribed, placing them on the table between them. "I don't need these. I don't need therapy, I can do this on my own, so Carla, you needn't worry about me anymore."
Anger had gotten the better of her. She was so annoyed that Carla could suggest that Audrey was out to do bad things. She had been the only person who had understood how she felt. She'd never discussed it with anyone outside of Carla's office until today, and it felt better to talk to someone who she could relate to, instead of a stuffy, over educated therapist, who really had no clue.
She stood up and left the room, slamming the door behind her. She walked through the building, pushing the door open and stepping out into the warm, sunny afternoon.
Deep down, Ashton knew it was the wrong thing to do. She needed her anti-depressants, she needed therapy and she needed someone to help her get through this.
So she called the only other person who understood.
"Audrey? Could you come and meet me somewhere? I need to talk to someone."
♠ ♠ ♠
She's not pregnant. I couldn't write that for the life of me.Apologies if this offends anyone, thats not my intention with this story.