You're Gonna Love Me

I’ve always known I was gay, ever since the moment I realized how un-attracted I was to my first girlfriend, I knew that I was gay. And I’m proud of that, always have been always will be. There’s always gonna be some sick, fucked up homophobe who wants to hurl insults at me and call me every name under the sun, maybe even beat me up. But they cannot and will not change the fact that I am openly and proudly gay.

Another thing, while we’re on the subject of my being gay. I’m in love. And yes, I mean with a guy. The only unfortunate, and cliche, part about this is that the guy has no idea. And he’s also, my best friend's older brother. Now, normally I tend to steer well away from best friends family members, and none of this was intentional, trust me. I can’t choose who I fall in love with, and I certainly didn’t choose Gerard. But after bumping into him at Mikey’s one day on my way down to the kitchen and gazing into the beauty of his deep chocolate brown eyes, memorizing the perfect features of his pale face, hidden beneath a head of thick, long black hair, I knew I’d fallen, harder than I had ever before.
He was the one for me, I knew it. He may have been completely oblivious to it, but I could tell.

I remember the day clear as glass. I’d been on my way into the kitchen, to quench my thirst for diet coke, when we had walked into each other. Clearly neither of us were paying attention – and I know I certainly wasn’t – other wise we wouldn’t have bumped into each other. He mumbled a quick ‘sorry,’ before rushing past me and down the stairs into the basement - which I had come to learn was his bedroom – without even paying me a second glance. And that just made me even more determined.
It was from that moment on that I knew I had to have him, and I would stop at nothing to get him.