You're Gonna Love Me

I glanced up from my locker just as he happened to walk past, his eyes locked with mine for a moment before he put his head down and hurried past me. I sighed and turned back to my locker, I knew he probably hated me right now, and that he most likely thought I’d been using him, but I hadn’t been. I did genuinely like him, he was the only person I could be myself with, and I mean the real me, not the arrogant me.

I guess the logical thing to do would have be to talk to him, explain things and hope for forgiveness, but arrogant or otherwise, that wasn’t me at all, if he was that bothered about it, he would just have to come and talk to me, I definitely wasn’t going to be the one that went crawling back, begging for forgiveness.

- - -

It only became apparent to me just how much I needed him when I found myself spending lunch alone. I guess they’re right when they say you don’t realize how good something is until it’s gone… whoever they are anyway.
But, was it really gone?

I looked up to fine him sat alone at his usual table, picking a bagel to pieces. He must have felt me staring as he looked up and our eyes met for a moment before he let his gaze fall back onto the plate in front of him. I sighed, picked up my bag and headed out of the cafeteria and towards the bottom of the field. There was I tree there I could hide in for the rest of the afternoon and feel sorry for myself.

It was only a few minutes after lunch had ended when I saw Mikey walking towards the tree I was currently sat in, I watched him curiously, wondering whether he actually knew I was there or not. My suspicions were confirmed when he sat down underneath me, and spoke.

“Hiding will get you nowhere.” He stated, I sighed.

“What else am I suppose to do?” I mumbled, assuming that he couldn’t here me.

“Get your ass down here and explain.” He suggested, making it clear that he had heard. I paused for a moment before making my way down.

“What is there to explain?” I asked as I sat beside him.

“Well, you could start with why you’re such a jerk, and then what you’re going to do to make it up to Gerard.” He replied.

“Who said I was planning on making anything up to him?”

“I did.” He replied, “Well, that and the fact that you’re almost as miserable with out him, as he is without you.” He added.

“I don’t know what to do Mikey. I like him, really I do. But I can’t stop myself from wanting him, and that makes him uncomfortable, I know it does. How can I be friends with someone when I know how my thoughts make them feel?”

“When did you start caring about what people think?” he asked in amazement.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled, “What do I do?” I asked.

“I can’t make your mind up for you, Frank, you’re gonna have to decide that one for yourself. But Gerard has English now… just in case you were wondering.” He replied, and with that he stood up and left, heading towards the Science block. I sighed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and closing my eyes. How was I supposed to fix things now? I’d ruined it all, and even if I could stop myself from thinking the way I did, that still didn’t fix everything. But trying couldn’t hurt… could it? If Gerard didn’t want to date me, then fine, I wasn’t going to force him, but there was nothing stopping us being friends.

I smiled to myself as an idea popped into my head. I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder as I headed towards English.