You're Gonna Love Me

“So, I’ve decided to forgive you for yesterday,” I announced loudly as I sat down opposite Gerard at his usual lunch table, dropping my bag onto the floor beside me with a dull thud. Gerard paused, his sandwich filled hand halfway towards his mouth.

“Excuse me?” he asked in disbelief.

“Well we all have our off days,” I shrugged, pulling his bag of chips towards me and popping a few into my mouth, crunching noisily. He scoffed, dropping his sandwich back onto his plate.

“Okay first, I wasn’t having an ‘off day' at all! Second, I haven’t done anything to be forgiven for. And third, when I told you to get out yesterday, I wasn’t just talking about my house.” He spat, glaring at me from across the table. I sighed nonchalantly, leaning back casually in my chair and folding my arms across my chest.

“Gerard, that’s all in the past. We should be focusing on the presen-.”

“We shouldn’t be focusing on anything! I don’t want you in my life anymore, Frank. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I’d rather be lonely.” He pushed himself up from the table, abandoning his food as he headed out of the cafeteria, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he left. I sighed again, ignoring the slight crushing I could feel in my chest. I hesitated for a moment before grabbing my bag and heading out of the door behind him.

* * *

It wasn’t until later that afternoon that I found him again.

I’d spent the rest of my lunch hour scouring the school only to come up blank, and when they bell rang for class I’d decided I’d had enough – mainly due to the fact that the crushing in my chest had been growing as I searched, and it was getting harder to ignore – so I left, I had no real interest in history anyway. My plan was to head to the park, sit in my tree and feel sorry for myself, but when I got there and found him sitting underneath it, everything changed.

I’d considered just turning around and walking away again, but I’ve never exactly been one to pay any attention to the logical option. So instead, I headed over and sat down beside him. We sat in silence for a long moment before he spoke.

“What do you want?” he asked his tone cold and uninterested. I sighed.

“To apologise,” I replied, he scoffed.

“Apologise?” he asked in disbelief, finally turning to look at me, I nodded unsurely. He let out a short laugh, shaking his head as he grabbed his sketch pad from the ground. “Y’know I really don’t fucking get you.” He stated as he stood up, grabbing his bag as he did so. “You seriously need to make your mind up, you know that? I swear you’re more hormonal than a pregnant woman!”

“I…” I began, not knowing what to say. I didn’t know what kind of answer he was looking for. He sighed, shaking his head again and turned in the direction of the exit. “Gerard, wait!” I called after him, quickly pushing myself up and heading after him, breaking into a run when he refused to stop. I quickly caught up with him, but he still refused to stop.

“Look, I know that I’m a jerk, I do,” I told him, panting in between every other word – I had never been a very athletic person. I’d been skipping gym class for as long as I could remember – "and I don’t think before I speak, and I think the whole world revolves around me. I’m lazy and I’m arrogant and… well I’m just a general dick.” I rushed as I attempted to keep pace with him. “And I know that this whole ‘love thing’ is annoying, and there’s not much I can do about that apart from say that I’ll try to keep it under control, because I really like having you as a friend, Gerard.” I admitted, and his pace slowed slightly, “Now there might not be a whole lot a good in me, but whatever there is, you bring it out in me. And I like that… I like you.” This finally made him stop. He turned to face me and I quickly caught my breath before speaking again. “I know you probably hate me, and you have every reason to, but all I want is one last chance to pr-.”

“Frank?” he cut me off. “Just… stop. Look, I… I’m not gonna lie, I like spending time with you… most of the time. And I’m glad you realise just how much of an arrogant dick you are.” He said with a slight smile, before his face fell, becoming serious again. “But you can’t control it. And I’m never going to act on it, and the last thing I want is to add fuel to the fire with a friendship that will never go anywhere… so I think it’s best we just stay away from each other.” He told me, my heart dropped.

“But-.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and slowly turned away from me. I could feel my body slowly start to go numb as he moved.

“Gerard…” I began weakly, but he had already started walking, and he wasn’t turning back.

I watched as he slowly disappeared from view, and long after before I finally found my feet again and turned back along the street, and into the park, settling myself back down beside the tree, right where he had been not ten minutes earlier. I drew my knees up to my chest, hugging them to me, as I suddenly found myself unnaturally cold. My gaze dropped to the ground, falling onto the pencil that lay in the grass. I slowly reached out and picked it up, turning it over in my hands, as the realisation slowly filled my head that this could be the only thing I had left, of the only real friendship I’d had in years.