You're Gonna Love Me

“Hey, do you wanna hang out this weekend?” Mikey asked as he sat down opposite me in the cafeteria. I slowly looked up from my plate of untouched food, my eyebrows raised. I wasn’t exactly sure if I’d heard him right, Mikey had never willingly hung out with me before, why now? “Well?” he prompted.

“Why? Gerard doesn’t want me any more so all of a sudden we’re best friends all over again?” I accused, he hesitated before frowning slightly. My eyes brows raised in disbelief. “What?” he asked innocently, “I’m just trying to be a good friend!” he defended, “You know, that whole, being there for you shit… I figured you could use seeing as you’ve been abandoned.”

“Yeah, thanks, you’re really making me feel better,” I muttered, leaning back in my chair with a sigh. I didn’t particularly need to be reminded, I already felt bad enough without Mikey’s attempts at making me feel better. He sighed and leant forward.

“Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m not thoroughly enjoying this, because I am,” he admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I like seeing my friends and family upset.” He added, I slowly looked up at him.

“Wait, family?”

“What did you think Gerard was skipping around the house singing show tunes?” he asked, I hesitated, “He’s just as miserable as you,” he added, and my stomach fluttered slightly as one tiny little piece of hope returned. “But did either of you honestly think that you were going to be able to be friends? We all knew it was going to end badly… even you.”

“I was working on it,” I mumbled through gritted teeth, as I slowly filled with anger, realising just how stupid I was to not have put up more of a fight. To tried harder to save our friendship.

“And you failed. And I’m sorry about that, but it’s time to move on. So, how about we hang out at the mall this weekend? I’ll let you spend hours looking at CD’s and horror movies if you let me spend hours looking at comics?” he bartered.

“Mikey, to be honest, I don’t particularly want to do anything other than sleep and wallow in self pity,” I told him, he sighed and shoved himself up from the table, grabbing his bag from the floor.

“You’re hopeless, the both of you.” He stated and stalked off towards the corridor. I sighed and leant back in my chair. Just what I needed, someone else who hated me.

* * *

Seeing as I had pushed away the only two people in my life that possibly cared a little, I ended up spending my weekend wrapped up in the warmth of my duvet, wallowing in self pity as a bunch of cheesy movies played on my TV. And I had no intentions of moving from the position for… well ever. What was the point? Gerard wasn’t interested; he wanted nothing to do with me. Even if he was just as miserable, he wasn’t doing anything about it. So why should I? Of course Mikey could have been lying, and he could have actually been skipping around singing show tunes, and knowing Mikey… well it was possible, let’s be honest. I wasn’t exactly very high up on his ‘friend list’ now was I? He was probably blaming me for all this.

I had to be honest; it kinda made me feel like a girl in one of the cheesy movies on my TV, crying into her ice cream because she just got dumped. Cue depressing slow songs.
But what exactly was I supposed to do now? Gerard wasn’t interested. I didn’t have anything else in my life. He had been… everything. Seriously. I was literally approaching becoming a full on stalker by the time I finally decided to talk to him. And since then, not a lot had changed; apart from we actually spent time together. But I can’t remember what I was doing before all this, screwing around most likely. And – even though I never imagined myself saying it - I didn’t want to go back to that.

I had nothing left… nothing.

But if anything, lying in bed all weekend made me realise something. I wasn’t willing to just sit around and do nothing about this. I’d decided long ago that I wasn’t going to live without him. And I wasn’t about to go back on that decision now.