You're Gonna Love Me

The week was dragging. Seriously dragging. All I wanted was to be around him again. I didn’t even care if we weren’t speaking, or even if he refused to be in the same room as me, I needed to be around him, I needed him. Of course I’d never admit it aloud, although Mikey seemed to have developed a sixth sense over the past few weeks, and considering he was the only person – apart from my mother – that I ever really had a conversation with anymore, so really, I didn’t ever need to admit it, even if I wanted to.

For the first time in my life, I had no plan, no ulterior motive, nothing. I was simply going over to watch movies, eat takeout, and wish that things would work out with him. I wasn’t planning on cornering him, or forcing him to talk to me. Although I’d by lying if I said I hadn’t considered it. But in the end, I figured the best thing I could do, was show him that I wasn’t the crazy obsessed person that he thought I was, and hope that it would change his mind. I was going to be civilized. And if it didn’t work… well then I was truly at a loss.

I missed him. Seriously fucking missed him, and not even in an obsessive love – or lust, whichever – kind of way, just, as a friend. He was the best friend I’d ever had, and I needed him back.

* * *

I didn’t even remember the girl’s name; I think it began with an L. Lisa, Lacey, Liza? Something like that, quite frankly I didn’t really care, which was mainly why I just left her in the janitor’s closet, she could re-dress herself. I had no real reason to stay. What? You didn’t think that I’d all of a sudden gone back to normal, did you?

I saw no point in going to Science, I’d already missed half the class, and quite frankly, I had no interest in History, so I decided to take the afternoon off. I grabbed my jacket from my locker and headed for the exit, not particularly caring if anyone caught me. I was just on my way towards the school gates when what sounded like a sob coming from behind me, made me stop. I turned back, and headed around the corner to find Gerard crouched down behind the building. Assuming that he hadn’t noticed me, I considered turning back for a moment, until he spat out a mouthful of blood.

“G-Gerard?” I asked carefully, he turned to look at me, his face swollen and bloody, tears glistening on his cheeks. His eyes widened as they met mine and he quickly turned away, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

“Go away,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. I ignored him, stepping forward and crouching down beside him, placing my hand gently on his shoulder. He tensed.

“Gee, look at me.” I said softly, he shook his head, his long dark hair falling over his face. I sighed, gently slipping one finger under his chin, turning his head to face me, frowning when my eyes met the broken mess that was now Gerard Way. He quickly diverted his eyes to the ground, wiping some of the blood from mouth, leaving a red stain where it had been. I stood up and held my hand out to him. “Come on,” he looked at it, and then up at me, confused. “Well do you want to go to your next class looking like shit?” I asked, smiling gently, he hesitated for a moment before slipping his hand into mine and letting me pull him up, and then steer him in the direction of the bathroom.

He perched himself on one of the sinks, as I grabbed a bunch of paper towels, holding them under the tap for a moment before heading over to him, slipping in between his legs and reaching up to the bloody cut on his forehead. But before I could reach it, he leaned away from me. I sighed. “Gerard, I’m just trying to help.” I told him bluntly, he sighed, nodding slightly and I reached up again, wiping away the blood and dirt from his face. He flinched as the cool towel touched his cuts and moved away again, I rolled my eyes, setting my hand on his shoulder to keep him steady. “Stop being such a baby,” I mumbled.

He sat in silence as I cleaned him up, his eyes refusing to meet mine. I pushed away the hurt that was bubbling inside of me. It couldn’t be like this forever. We had to get back to normal.

“What happened?” I asked softly, breaking the silence as I tossed the paper towels into the trash.

“I fell,” he replied bluntly, his eyes still focused on the ground.

“Liar, who was it?” I pressed and his eyes finally lifted up to meet mine, narrowing as they did.

“Like you fucking care,” he spat, pushing himself up from the sink, “this is all your fucking fault,” he said as he started for the door, but I quickly stepped in front of his path. “Just stay the hell away from me.” He said in a low, threatening tone.

“Gerard-.” I began, just as the door swung open.

“Oh sorry, did I interrupt your little fuck session?” a smug voice asked from behind me, I turned and rolled my eyes. Jake Carlton. One of the biggest, dumbest and most annoying jocks in the school, he wasn’t particularly a big fan of me, or my sexuality, but that was simply because he was denying his own.

“Piss off, Jake,” I retorted, he glared at me for a moment, before looking up at Gerard.

“Nice face,” he smiled before turning back out of the door with a laugh. I turned back to Gerard as the wave of realization hit me.

“Jake?” I asked, not really needing an answer, but the way his eyes dropped to the ground gave me one anyway. “I’ll kill him,” I muttered, mainly to myself.

“You’ll leave him the fuck alone,” Gerard growled and I looked up at him, astonished.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“This is all your fault! If you had of just stayed the fuck away, then this wouldn’t have happened! They all think I’m a fag just because we hung out!” He exclaimed, and I felt like I’d just been hit with a brick. I’d had the word thrown at me a million times before, but hearing it from Gerard’s mouth, well this time it actually hurt, even if he didn’t call me it directly. “Now you might be fine with them calling you shit, but I’m not, especially when it’s fucking lies. Just leave me alone.” He told me, and pushed past me.

I reached up, wiping away the tear that had slipped onto my cheek. I’d never cried, not that I could remember anyway, and certainly not in front of anyone. I sighed and headed out of the bathroom, wandering slowly along the corridors towards the entrance. I couldn’t just give up, I needed him back… but if he really didn’t want me, and if it was just going to make his life miserable, was trying to get him back the right thing to do?

Maybe I should just let him go.