You're Gonna Love Me

It’s amazing the way a person can change you.

This time a few months ago, this wouldn’t have even bothered me. I would have brushed it off, marched right back over there, and refuse to leave until he admitted it. And it probably would have resulted in the worst relationship I’d ever been in. And that’s a pretty difficult title to fill; I’ve had a lot of awful relationships. But honestly, I think that without him constantly denying his feelings, then that’s all it would have been to me, just another awful relationship. I wouldn’t have fallen the way I did. It wouldn’t have meant anything to me. He wouldn’t have meant anything to me. And while, right now, I wish that he didn’t. I know things would have been a hell of a lot worse if he hadn’t.

Now I suppose you could say that I gave up. That I didn’t fight. That I went soft. And the me from a few months ago would completely agree with you. And you’d both be absolutely right. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have ended up sitting in my bedroom, crying into a bowl of ice cream – and no, for once in my life, I wasn’t joking. But if you asked me now, then I’d tell you that I did the right thing. I’d tell you that even though it might hurt for a while. It would have been worse for both of us if things had stayed how they were.

I wish I could go back, change it all. Do it different. I wish that I could have stuck to what I’d decided on all those months ago. But what choice do I have now? I’ve walked away, and all I can do now, is stay away, and hope that by doing that, I’ve done us both a favour.