People Got A Lotta Nerve

I couldn’t even stand to look at her for the first few days.

Fucking Idiot!

I agree, Good Christian…

So impulsive! So incredibly cliché and dangerous and insane and, and, and…

If Good Christian had a body of her own, at this point she would be hyperventilating, her body a crumpled heap in my bedroom, which is where I happened to be at this point…knees folded up under my chin, my arms wrapped tight around my shaking body.

..Yeah, I was the hyperventilating mess.

Although I had taken Emma’s car with her up to Vegas, I managed to get a ride down without her, somehow scrounging up the $90 needed to rent a car from Vegas to San Diego. Yeah, I blew my grocery money for the week for when I got back, but going a little hungry paled in comparison to having to sit with Emma…and Jamie in that car. I just wouldn’t have been able to do it.

So here I was, back at the house, my body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane in the corner of my room, hidden from the door by my computer chair. I had beaten Emma and Jamie home, going almost 100 on the freeway the entire time, unless some good for nothing cop happened to be around. I was seething, my hands constantly having to re-grip the steering wheel due to my compulsive shaking, my mind racing almost as fast as the car was. I just wanted Emma and Jamie to not come here for a few days, to give me some space, to let me calm down. Emma knows I am not good with change, or with her incredibly stupid spur of the moment decisions, and she knows I do not do well with someone invading my space. I mean, she saw me at the party she threw for the bands when I first met Oliver!

Oh, Oliver!

Good Christian swooned inside my head, my nerves instantly calming. However, it was not enough to make my shaking subside. When I had gotten off the phone with Emma in Vegas and had told the boys what had happened, all of them were silent, a few of them not even taking their eyes off the pavement. Oliver was the first to move, stepping towards me apprehensively before taking me into a warm hug. Even though it was almost around 80 degrees without another body that close to mine, I embraced him back, trying to force my body to acclimate to his, to give him my anxiety and my nervousness and my pure furiousness. We stood there for a while, Oliver’s weight shifting back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels, my body captured in his rocking motions. The boys had helped me set up a rental car, and they even offered to loan me $100, so I could fill up the gas tank before returning it for a small discount. I hate relying on anyone though, and just fished the money out of my own miniscule bank account. University really does rob you, especially if you are a starving (graphic) art student such as myself. When money is tight, you really have to prioritize, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept handouts from (almost) complete strangers.

I had probably sat there, curling up in a ball in my room for a good hour and a half before Emma and Jamie walked in, their shoes clicking on the cheap linoleum entryway just like they had that day they went for ice cream together. Emma, noticing none of the lights were on, threw her purse on the couch and flicked the lights on.

“She’s not here.” She whispered.

I strained to listen.

“Thank god, I did not want to come back to World War 3, babe.” Jamie said, laughing nervously under his breath.

“I know,” Emma laughed back. “I thought she would be happy!”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed under my breath.

“You really need a new roommate, at least Emma.” Jamie said. “Its like she tries to control your life.”

“She’s a good person, Jamie. You just have to warm up to her.”

“She cramps your style. All she wants to do is sit around and mope and complain about how fucked up her life is, when in reality, she makes her own self miserable. And you, Emma, you’re always so happy and fun, and she’s just…such a drag.” I could hear him collapse onto the couch….my couch.

Emma followed him onto the couch. “I know…”

“Emma, this isn’t where you are supposed to be.”

“I just hate it sometimes, Jay. She just bitches and complains and moans and makes it seem like it is everyone’s fault but her own. In reality, no one likes her because of how much of a bitch she can be. I mean, no one wants to be around someone like her.”

Jamie shifted on the couch, Emma also.

“I mean,” Emma took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s also like she wants to control my life. Who is she to tell me I can’t marry you?! She doesn’t know anything about anyone! All she does is sit in her little house, alone in her own little world, totally depending on me for a social life and for everything! She would be nothing without me!”

“Babe, she is nothing…” Jamie sighed, ending the conversation.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. Yeah, there was the option of rushing out there and starting a screaming match, but I knew I could never do that. I could be at my most confident, but there are just a few things I could never do, confrontation being one of them. So, I just stayed put, my arms loosening their grip around my legs, letting my entire body unfold onto my bedroom floor. I stretched out my legs, curling my toes as I closed my eyes. I just laid there, the shining overhead light slightly shining through my eyelids, my body stretched and splayed out. I stayed that way until morning, too, until my eyes had finally dried from the tears that had managed to leak out sometime around 3am and I had somehow found the strength to slump into my bed, the familiar jersey sheets enveloping me into a fake sense of security. In reality, my entire world was changing before my very eyes.

----

My commute to school and back wasn’t really all that bad, it is opposite of the rush hour traffic, and it is only around 20 minutes each way, which is good, according to California standards. Being only a few weeks away from completing my junior year was really starting to set in, with major projects and papers nearing their due dates, and all of the overexcited little freshman bouncing around campus, planning summer get-togethers outside of the city.

Surprisingly, I too wanted to just get out of San Diego. While studying in the library in between classes, I actually heard one group of freshman talking about Oliver’s band, Bring Me The Horizon, making me smile wide behind my lap top. Apparently, they were coming into town soon, for some other promotional shit, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I stilled planned to text Oliver as soon as I got back home, where I had stupidly left my phone charging this morning on my bed.

Due to BMTH going out on tour again after the Vegas incident, Jamie had left too, kissing Emma on the lips against one of the pillars on my porch for a good 10 minutes before he finally disengaged and got in the taxi to the airport. He had been living with Emma the entire time since getting back from Vegas, which was only a weekend, but felt like eternity. Any amount of time feels endless when you lock yourself in your room for 20 hours out of the day. I only came out around 1am to grab more food, and to keep up on all of my television waiting faithfully for me on the DVR. Since then, Emma and I have been like passing ships in the night, never speaking, and rarely ever seeing each other. We kept up this ‘strangers’ routine for a month and a half; I tried spending as much time as I could at school, choosing to study in the library rather than at home. I also asked Bill for more hours at the candle store, which also helped to replenish my bank account. Somehow, I made the rent that week, and managed to feed myself at the same time. Emma was basically doing the same thing, as far as I knew. She was picking up more and more hours at the tattoo/piercing shop, and I think she even got a new one, a tiny little stud above her lip, completing her spider bites. I think at night she was either just staying home, locking herself in her room like I was doing, or she was going out, inviting her random friends all over town and coming home wasted around 3 in the morning.

While I was well aware of the emptiness our friendship had turned into, seeing Emma place moving boxes on our front porch, full of her stuff, really hit me blind sided.

“What are you doing?” I whispered as I hit the button on my keys that locked the car. Even though my head was washed over with shock, I couldn’t help but laugh in my head at how ridiculous Emma looked. Here she was, moving all of her stuff onto the porch, in 5 inch heels and the shortest shorts I had ever seen. Her snowy legs seemed to stretch on for miles, the line only interrupted by her bright colored tube top, which clung to her body like it was a size too small. She looked good, I guess, but it was just too much and not exactly proper moving attire. I was kind of surprised she hadn’t tripped yet in those shoes.

“Jamie’s in town.” She set another box down, her eyes not meeting mine.

“So you’re leaving?”

She shrugged. “There’s no point in me being here, Christian. Don’t like you are clueless. Our friendship is dead.”

“So you’re moving in with Jamie? Are you going to live on a tour bus with a jillion sweaty drunk men?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, resting all of my weight onto my back foot. My keys crashed together, making a jingling sound as they hung from my hand.

“All the stuff I don’t need is going into storage, Jamie is paying for it. She smiled slightly, for just a second. It was gone almost as quick as it had gotten there. “And then we will just tour together.”

“You do realize it is the 20th…” I could sense the tone of my voice turning cold and menacing. “Rent is due in like, a week and a half.”

Emma shrugged. “I’m broke.”

“So, you are leaving San Diego, and essentially the country on 10 minute’s notice, leaving me to cover your $600 worth of rent money?!”

Emma looked into my eyes for the first time in weeks. “Its your issue, Chris. Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a shitty friend.”

“I am the shitty friend?!” I know what you said to Jamie!”

“Oh, so you’re a stalker, too?” She scoffed. “Maybe you’re just jealous, that I found love, and you’re still your whiny ass self, moping around like some pathetic loser!”

I rolled my eyes, putting my hand up and stepping past her and her mountains of boxes. I was not going to lower myself to screaming at her in public. I stomped into the house, and into my room, instantly falling onto my bed. I took a deep, cleansing breath. After I had counted backwards from 10 a few times, I reached for my phone, checking for any new texts.

You holding up alright?

Goodness, he was so sweet sometimes! Instead of texting back, I just pressed the ‘call back’ button, and brought my cell phone to my ear, closing my eyes and stretching out on my bed.

“Ello?”

“Its Christian.” I wonder if he could tell that I was smiling through the phone.

“How are yeh, love?”

“Emma is moving out. She’s also sticking me with the rent this month. I am basically fucked, hardcore.”

He was silent for a while. “What a bitch.”

“Mhm,” I rolled over onto my stomach. “She is apparently going to be on tour with you all, actually. Jamie is inviting her on.”

“Ugh, so I am going to have to deal with this broad?”

I laughed, for real for the first time all day. “Just keep your distance.”

He laughed, and I could hear Lee and (loud) Matt giggling in the background. “Hold on, your friend Curtis just faceplanted.”

I laughed, Oliver putting the phone on speaker so I could hear all of Matt’s cruel teasing and Lee’s high pitched laughter.

“Alright, back.”

“How did he fall?” I asked, still laughing under my breath.

“Tripped on Lee’s shoelace. It was perfect execution, if you ask me.”

We both laughed in unison, the sound filling up my ears and calming my brain.

“So,” I started, “I heard you are going to be back in San Diego in a few weeks. Thanks for the heads up.”

“Was ‘sposed to be a surprise.” Oliver said. “I was going to surprise yeh.”

“Oh…”

“How’d you find out, you followin’ the band now?” I could definitely feel his smile through the phone. I could imagine it too, him looking so pleased with himself.

“No, just overheard some people talking about it today, actually.”

“Well, you gonna be there?”

“You gonna get me in free?”

“Oh, I see,” He said, laughing again, “I see how this is. I just buy you everything now?” He loved to tease me, and he was really the only person who I enjoyed it from.

“No, I just am completely broke. Probably in debt…definitely in debt…” I sighed, the monstrous rent amount due hanging over me like a storm cloud.

“Everything is going to be alright, Christian…You just need a new roommate. Can’t be hard to find, right?”

I sighed, again. “Yeah, right….”