People Got A Lotta Nerve

"'Love, where'd ye keep the Stella?"

1, I have no idea what the hell he just said. 2, I don't drink beer, so no Stella here. 3, I am currently hiding under my bed, so I am unable to retrieve you your alcohol.

Yeah, I know. I am under a bed. I am pathetic. But what would you do!? Here I am, lounging around in the clothes I wouldn't even let my own mother see me in, and here walks in like, a jillion and a half rock stars! Well, maybe not full on rock stars; I don't see Elvis Presley anywhere in my house, but this is close enough! And, I cant even lie anymore- they're attractive. But of course, I have to be my normal insane self and rush off the couch as soon as the first hoard of them entered. Ill let Emma handle them, she's the one that incited this shindig.

"Do you know where my roommate is?" I heard Emma asking around, I could imagine her fluttering around each circle of conversation, just like a hummingbird tending a bush of flowers. I wanted to whisper to her to come find me, here under this bed, but I could never be so bold! Someone may see me, and then I really would be the psychopath of the century.

So, of course it made perfect sense in my desperate little mind to simply tap at her ankle a few times when came close enough to my bed.

"OWW WHAT THE HELL!?" She exclaimed, as my nails accidentially dug into her leg.

"Sorry....get down here!" I whispered, my voice hoarse and strained.

As soon as she heard my voice, Emma's posture changed. She grabbed her red plastic cup, and as normally as she could, she began ushering people out of my room.

"Run along now, I've got to change!" She smiled, pushing everyone out of the space. As soon as the door was closed however, she immediately changed.

"What are you doing on the floor?!"

I sighed, squeezing myself from beneath my safe place. "I freaked out." Was all I could say as I sat down on the floor, indian style.

Emma sighed, sitting on my bed. "You need to learn how to act around people, Chris. You cant hide forever."

I hated when we talked like this. So what if I am hopelessly socially awkward? I tried my best to not get in the way of her social life, and I think that should be enough.

"Its just a lot harder than it seems..." I began tracing my finger along the carpet, making figure eight and swirly patterns.

"What are you going to do when I stop forcing you out into the world?" She wiggled her toes in her open toe pumps just a foot away from my face.

"I guess hide in the depths of my cave here, dreaming of the life I could have had, if only I had made an ass out of myself in public more..."

"You don't have to be so sarcastic all the time, Chris..."

I hated it when she got like this.

"Its just how I am. Always have been..." It was true. I remember one time in elementary school, some kid randomly came up to me and told me the bell had rung. I mean, what the hell? I know the sound of a ringing bell! So, at age 9, I smiled sweetly and told him that by the time the bell stopped ringing, a burglar was going to come onto campus and steal his lunch box.....for the rest of the year I saw that kid clutching his transformers lunch box like some creepy old man was going to snatch it out of his hands at any second.

Emma sighed, for like the 18th time. "I'm going to go back out into the party. I want you to join me, I think you'll have fun, you know." She stood up, staring down at me, her sparkley black halter top catching the light inside my room. "You're a great girl Christian, with a funny as hell personality. Why cant you share it with other people?"

I honestly considered going out and joining her. In fact, I had even gotten ready! I shed my lounge clothes, and put on something a little bit more appropriate.

Just wear some shorts and a baggy shirt, it's casual but cute!

I rolled my eyes at good Christian, tucking the shirt into my shorts nervously. I wanted to look good. I wanted to fit in. For once, I wanted to stand out, even against gorgeous, precious Emma.

So, here I was, standing in my room, cute outfit, jewelry on, and my hair looking decent, when all of a sudden, a large thud came against my door. I could feel all of the color drain out of my face. It hit again- THUD.

Frozen in terror, I slipped off my pumps faster than I even thought possible. In my head, they seemed like the best weapon at the time, I mean, who could survive a 4 inch heel to the chest? But I know deep down I was a runner, not a fighter.

That's why, as soon as I heard the doorknob turn, I dove right back under my bed.

"'Is anyone in here?"

My heart was beating as fast and as loud as a train. I was sure this mystery rock star man could hear my every beat.

A few seconds went on, and with no reply, I saw 4 feet tumble into my room- 2 pairs. The first pair was clearly a female, and clearly not Emma. Emma would never stoop so low as to wear clear pumps....unless of course Emma was leading a secret life of a stripper behind my back. If so, I wanted her to use that extra cash flow pay more rent.The second pair of feet clearly indicated it was a man. The Nike Dunks were colored so loud and garishly, I thought I might go colorblind is I stared at them for too long.

The two pairs of feet tangled up into each other, the man feet pushing the lady feet against my wall before crashing into her again. From the noises, this lady seemed to enjoy it, as she giggled in between loud, sloppy kisses. All of a sudden, the lady found a way to unpin herself from the wall and her man friend. She giggled, her voice high and nasally, before falling onto my bed...directly on top of me.

I could hear the mattress springs squeak with pressure as my heart began beating in double time.

The man followed her lead, laying on top of her, their 4 feet just inches away from my face.

These people are going to get it on in your bed!!!

I could almost hear good Christian screaming in my head above my heart beats. To be honest, I was more concerned about having to listen and witness this sordid, sleazy affair. There was nothing I wanted more at this point than to just be in that party, on the other side of the door, away from this drunk, horny couple.

I closed my eyes, and began counting backwards from ten. Back when I was in high school, my therapist told me the best way to calm down was to close my eyes, count backwards in my head, and squeeze 'calming pressure points' that were located in between my thumb and pointer finger.

To my surprise, I head my doorknob jiggle again, and the sexual noises stopped happening above me. I stopped counting, and opened my eyes.

"CHRISTIAN!"

oh shit.

"...Emma...?" I whispered, my face felt hot and my stomach did a huge back flip inside me.

"'Who the hell are you?"

I knew the time would be now or never. With every bone in my body turning to mush, I slowly crawled out from under my bed, 3 sets of eyes staring down at me.

"No, better question, who the hell are YOU?"

I looked up at the bed sexers, and then at Emma. I gulped down the lump in my throat. "My name is Christian...and you are currently trying to fuck this girl on my bed..."

The guy looked down at me, his eyes growing wide. I could tell by his dilated pupils and by his shaky movements that he had consumed more than just alcohol tonight. "...fancy that.." He whispered, his lips turned upwards slightly.

I finally got a good look at his girl. She was tall, with tanned legs and the worst bleached hair I had ever seen in my life. I had no idea Emma pulled it off so well, but this girl definitely needed some lessons or something. I looked down at her clear shoes, to her barely there mini skirt, and her wife beater, her hot pink bra showing through the thin material of her shirt shamelessly.

"Can you please get this whore off my bed please?" I tried to play it cool...as if I wasn't the biggest creeper on the planet at this point.

The girl looked at her man, at Emma, and finally at me. When no one protested her leaving, she got up in a huff, before stomping out of my room, pushing Emma into my door frame.

The guy laid down on my bed, closing his eyes as he exhaled. "Well, this is awkward, isnt it, loves?"

I hadnt met Emma's glances until now. The look on her face was almost comical. Part of her wanted to burst out laughing, the other part of her clearly wanted to punch me in the face. She looked at him, looked at me, and finally just let it all go, her high pitched laugh bouncing around the walls of my room. She leaned up off the doorframe, and with one final last look at me, she closed my door again.

"..You said your name was Christian, right?" He had leaned onto his side, his dark eyes staring down at me as I sat awkwardly on the floor. "Isnt that a boy's name, love?"