Turn Right

The pain hurt. It felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. A pounding in my chest, the swelling in my throat. My legs felt like they would give way right from under me. The coldness from the ice rain, had no effect on me at all due to my lack of feeling in my legs and arms. Everything was numb. The feeling of tear stains on my cheeks…and still with more tears falling. The pain was unbearable. I collapsed on the cold, hard sidewalk, wrapping my arms around my stomach, trying to stay together while feeling like I’m going to fall apart into small pieces. I think I might actually throw up.

I was wearing my black leather jacket that she loved. Underneath, my white T-shirt was soaked and my jeans stuck to my legs in a very uncomfortable way. I felt emptiness inside me…where my heart was…there was now nothing. Nothing even seemed like something, compared to what I was feeling. My eyes hurt, my legs, my arms…my head…it all hurt…but the pain I was feeling was like nothing compared to what I felt inside. I felt my lungs would give in, making it hard for me to breathe…that and the fact that I felt my throat closing up. The pure emptiness…the voices in my head all yelling at me at once, making my head hurt more…I couldn’t take it anymore…the pain…it was too much…I wanted it to stop. I wanted time to stop…I wanted the voices to stop. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to go back to when I was holding her in my arms, when everything was so perfect and fine. I want to go back to when we were little and had no care in the world, I wouldn’t even mind if we went back to when we were fifteen, when we got into stupid fights. I’d go back to any time, if it meant that I would have her back with me.