This Heart Only Beats For You
One
“Frank? Frank, is that you?” Gerard asked me, already as high as a kite.
“Yeah Gee, it’s me. Are you okay?” I asked him, slowly turning towards him so I could see his face. We were lying on the bed in his basement getting high – like always. I loved days like this. It’s just me, my best friend and nothing else. No distractions, no one to get in the way, it’s perfect. He’s perfect, not that I would ever tell him that. He wouldn’t believe me anyway, but he was. He was so perfect. From his disheveled appearance, his creativity, his kindness, his everything. I was completely infatuated with him. Gerard finally looked over at me, his eyes a little hazy, but still just as beautiful and bright. The sides of his eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. I immediately smiled back at him. He was beautiful. I admired his smile, his tiny teeth slightly stained from all of the coffee but I didn’t care.
“Of course I’m okay Frankie, why wouldn’t I be?” He cocked his head over to one side. I couldn’t help but giggle. My high was slowly starting to take effect.
“I don’t know Gerard; you just look like you’re out of it.” I giggled a little harder and waved my hand in front of his face. Gerard threw his head back and laughed. He stopped my hand by grabbing it, slowly bring it towards him. He looked at our hands and smiled. He began tracing the lines on the inside of my palm, slowly like he was trying to connect them. I let out a shaky breath as my hand tingled from his touch. He looked up at me and grinned. He started inching towards me, until our bodies were right up against each other. I felt my heart start to race; Gerard was so close that I knew he could feel it thumping against my chest. He was practically on top of me. My mouth was slightly gaping as I looked up into his eyes. He laid his hand on my knee and just looked down at me. He just focused on my face, like he was seeing me for the first time.
“Frank, you’re cute.” He giggled.
“No, Gerard I’m not.” I let out a small laugh and tried to look down. I’m not cute. I’m not anything, he’s the beautiful one. He stopped me from turning away by grabbing the side of my face and pushing it back to face his. Again, my eyes met his. His hazel orbs staring back at me, pulling me in.
“No, Frank really, I think you’re cute.” He slowly caressed the side of my face. I smiled a little, placing a hand over his and slowly pulled it down. Gerard looked down at our hands and smiled like before. He began to lace our fingers together. I sighed, giving his hand a little squeeze.
“Gerard, you're high, you don’t know what you’re saying.” He shook his head vigorously.
“Yeah, I’m high but I know what I’m talking about. I mean it.” His forehead wrinkled up and he pouted, his hair fell forward covering up his eyes. I couldn’t stop myself and I brought my hand up and brushed his hair out of his face and curled it behind his ear. I slowly glided my hand down his face before bringing it back down to grasp his again.
“Okay, Gerard, I believe you. I think you’re pretty cute yourself.” He started grinning again. I smiled knowing I had made him happy again. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped himself. He cocked his head to the side again as he continued to study my face. His eyes slowly drifted down to my lips. Like a reflex, I ran my tongue over my lips, looking down at his mouth as well. He gripped my hands and cleared his throat. I looked up to meet his eyes and his they were no longer hazy, they held a different look entirely. His eyes were darker, more seductive. My throat started to feel dry. I had always wondered what it would be like to have him look at me like this. It was exciting, thinking that maybe he wanted me like I wanted him.
“Frankie can I kiss you?” My heart kind of stopped for a second. I let out a deep breath, what’s one little kiss? It’s not like I didn’t want to. If we woke up tomorrow and he decided to change his mind, we could just blame it on the marijuana.
“Alright Gerard, one kiss,” Gerard barely waited for me to finish before he made his move. He placed one hand onto my thigh, gripping it tightly as he pushed himself up to meet my lips. I kissed him back fiercely, bringing one of my hands up so I could slip my fingers in his hair. I tangled my fingers in his slightly greasy locks, loving how soft it felt. I tugged on it, causing him to let out the softest moan. Gerard responded pressing himself against me harder, his hand slowly moving over my thigh and up to my hips. I felt his hand slip under my shirt and knead the flesh above my jeans. I groaned into his mouth, he took that opportunity to slip his tongue in and lick at the roof of my mouth. Our tongues were moving against each other, deepening our kiss. Gerard pushed himself against me until I began moving backwards, both of us now lying on the bed. I slid my free hand teasingly up the side of his thigh, meeting his waist. I slipped my hand under the back of his shirt and ran my fingers up and down his spine.
We laid there like this for a few minutes, just kissing and savoring being close to each other. He sighed and moved his lips over my chin and down the side of my neck. He placed a kiss behind my ear and I tightened my grip on his back. He moved back up to my face and looked in my eyes. He gave me a sweet smile as he brought his hand up to caress my cheek. I leaned into his touch and smiled back. I was right where I was supposed to be, in his arms. He leaned down to press another kiss to my lips and he slid down and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pressed his face into my neck and I felt him lightly kiss my neck. I moved my arms so I could embrace him, snuggling into his side. I laid my head on top of his and I kissed the top of his head.
“Frank … I love you.” Gerard said quietly, looking up to meet my eyes. My heart fluttered, I couldn’t believe it. He said it first, those three words that I had been waiting to hear ever since the first day I laid eyes on him. Gerard Way loved me, of all people. A tiny punk kid from Jersey who was overlooked by everyone, and he loved me.
“I love you too Gerard, and always will.”
I looked around my empty house and another tear silently left my eye. I’m always reminded of that day in Gerard’s basement. It was our first kiss; the first time we had ever told each we loved them. It was one of hundreds of moments that we shared together. We were just two kids in love back then. We dated all through high school. After graduation we followed each other to New York. Gerard attended art school, working towards his dream of becoming a comic book artist, while I went to college for recording and producing to work on my music. During our sophomore year he proposed. We spent 10 amazing years together as a married couple until that fateful day that separated us forever. I rubbed my eyes as I looked at the picture from our wedding day. I placed it into the box and taped it up. It has been a year since Gerard’s death. I couldn't believe that in single flash, a car crash took him away. I couldn’t stay in this house anymore, not without him here. I picked up my last box and looked around the empty house. What used to be a place filled with warm memories was now a painful reminder of what used to be. I turned around to turn the light out and walk out the door for the last time. Gerard had changed my life. Even though he’s gone, he will always have my heart. Always.
“Yeah Gee, it’s me. Are you okay?” I asked him, slowly turning towards him so I could see his face. We were lying on the bed in his basement getting high – like always. I loved days like this. It’s just me, my best friend and nothing else. No distractions, no one to get in the way, it’s perfect. He’s perfect, not that I would ever tell him that. He wouldn’t believe me anyway, but he was. He was so perfect. From his disheveled appearance, his creativity, his kindness, his everything. I was completely infatuated with him. Gerard finally looked over at me, his eyes a little hazy, but still just as beautiful and bright. The sides of his eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. I immediately smiled back at him. He was beautiful. I admired his smile, his tiny teeth slightly stained from all of the coffee but I didn’t care.
“Of course I’m okay Frankie, why wouldn’t I be?” He cocked his head over to one side. I couldn’t help but giggle. My high was slowly starting to take effect.
“I don’t know Gerard; you just look like you’re out of it.” I giggled a little harder and waved my hand in front of his face. Gerard threw his head back and laughed. He stopped my hand by grabbing it, slowly bring it towards him. He looked at our hands and smiled. He began tracing the lines on the inside of my palm, slowly like he was trying to connect them. I let out a shaky breath as my hand tingled from his touch. He looked up at me and grinned. He started inching towards me, until our bodies were right up against each other. I felt my heart start to race; Gerard was so close that I knew he could feel it thumping against my chest. He was practically on top of me. My mouth was slightly gaping as I looked up into his eyes. He laid his hand on my knee and just looked down at me. He just focused on my face, like he was seeing me for the first time.
“Frank, you’re cute.” He giggled.
“No, Gerard I’m not.” I let out a small laugh and tried to look down. I’m not cute. I’m not anything, he’s the beautiful one. He stopped me from turning away by grabbing the side of my face and pushing it back to face his. Again, my eyes met his. His hazel orbs staring back at me, pulling me in.
“No, Frank really, I think you’re cute.” He slowly caressed the side of my face. I smiled a little, placing a hand over his and slowly pulled it down. Gerard looked down at our hands and smiled like before. He began to lace our fingers together. I sighed, giving his hand a little squeeze.
“Gerard, you're high, you don’t know what you’re saying.” He shook his head vigorously.
“Yeah, I’m high but I know what I’m talking about. I mean it.” His forehead wrinkled up and he pouted, his hair fell forward covering up his eyes. I couldn’t stop myself and I brought my hand up and brushed his hair out of his face and curled it behind his ear. I slowly glided my hand down his face before bringing it back down to grasp his again.
“Okay, Gerard, I believe you. I think you’re pretty cute yourself.” He started grinning again. I smiled knowing I had made him happy again. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped himself. He cocked his head to the side again as he continued to study my face. His eyes slowly drifted down to my lips. Like a reflex, I ran my tongue over my lips, looking down at his mouth as well. He gripped my hands and cleared his throat. I looked up to meet his eyes and his they were no longer hazy, they held a different look entirely. His eyes were darker, more seductive. My throat started to feel dry. I had always wondered what it would be like to have him look at me like this. It was exciting, thinking that maybe he wanted me like I wanted him.
“Frankie can I kiss you?” My heart kind of stopped for a second. I let out a deep breath, what’s one little kiss? It’s not like I didn’t want to. If we woke up tomorrow and he decided to change his mind, we could just blame it on the marijuana.
“Alright Gerard, one kiss,” Gerard barely waited for me to finish before he made his move. He placed one hand onto my thigh, gripping it tightly as he pushed himself up to meet my lips. I kissed him back fiercely, bringing one of my hands up so I could slip my fingers in his hair. I tangled my fingers in his slightly greasy locks, loving how soft it felt. I tugged on it, causing him to let out the softest moan. Gerard responded pressing himself against me harder, his hand slowly moving over my thigh and up to my hips. I felt his hand slip under my shirt and knead the flesh above my jeans. I groaned into his mouth, he took that opportunity to slip his tongue in and lick at the roof of my mouth. Our tongues were moving against each other, deepening our kiss. Gerard pushed himself against me until I began moving backwards, both of us now lying on the bed. I slid my free hand teasingly up the side of his thigh, meeting his waist. I slipped my hand under the back of his shirt and ran my fingers up and down his spine.
We laid there like this for a few minutes, just kissing and savoring being close to each other. He sighed and moved his lips over my chin and down the side of my neck. He placed a kiss behind my ear and I tightened my grip on his back. He moved back up to my face and looked in my eyes. He gave me a sweet smile as he brought his hand up to caress my cheek. I leaned into his touch and smiled back. I was right where I was supposed to be, in his arms. He leaned down to press another kiss to my lips and he slid down and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pressed his face into my neck and I felt him lightly kiss my neck. I moved my arms so I could embrace him, snuggling into his side. I laid my head on top of his and I kissed the top of his head.
“Frank … I love you.” Gerard said quietly, looking up to meet my eyes. My heart fluttered, I couldn’t believe it. He said it first, those three words that I had been waiting to hear ever since the first day I laid eyes on him. Gerard Way loved me, of all people. A tiny punk kid from Jersey who was overlooked by everyone, and he loved me.
“I love you too Gerard, and always will.”
I looked around my empty house and another tear silently left my eye. I’m always reminded of that day in Gerard’s basement. It was our first kiss; the first time we had ever told each we loved them. It was one of hundreds of moments that we shared together. We were just two kids in love back then. We dated all through high school. After graduation we followed each other to New York. Gerard attended art school, working towards his dream of becoming a comic book artist, while I went to college for recording and producing to work on my music. During our sophomore year he proposed. We spent 10 amazing years together as a married couple until that fateful day that separated us forever. I rubbed my eyes as I looked at the picture from our wedding day. I placed it into the box and taped it up. It has been a year since Gerard’s death. I couldn't believe that in single flash, a car crash took him away. I couldn’t stay in this house anymore, not without him here. I picked up my last box and looked around the empty house. What used to be a place filled with warm memories was now a painful reminder of what used to be. I turned around to turn the light out and walk out the door for the last time. Gerard had changed my life. Even though he’s gone, he will always have my heart. Always.