Find Some Peace

I know it sounds crude, but jealousy confuses the shit out of me. I mean, I thought women liked to get catty and play mind games with other men and women. But men? Seriously? Why should one man want to take another man's girl when they have no connection to each other? It makes no sense. Territory is one thing, but I hadn't associated myself with Alex a day in my life.

The opposite gender is frustrating.

I was one day into my stay with Sidney. We had spent our time eating then watching movies in his living room, which was pathetically the most entertainment I had experienced since he left. Apparently we had plans for the night. Well, that's what the texts Sidney and I both received around the same time had to say.

We're initiating Amanda into the group tonight. Look sharp, be awesome as usual.

Now of course this wasn't the most enticing message, but I took it with a smile nonetheless. “Initiation” was never a very sweet tasting word on my tongue. Something about it seemed devious, under-handed, and even sinister at times. Adding my brother into the mix was never amounted to a great result. Something deep in my gut screamed that I should be nervous.

As six o'clock, time of departure, grew nearer, I changed clothes and brushed out my hair. With Sidney, I didn't so much as care what I looked like when we were relaxing. However with a group of what I was sure to be of massive size, dressing to impress was all that was on my mind.

“Do I look alright?” I mumbled the question to Sidney, she was splashing water over his face in the bathroom. He glanced up, wiping his face with a washcloth, and nodded in approval.

“They said look sharp, not dressed to kill.”

I raised an eyebrow, cheeks getting a tad warm. The smirk on his face lead me to believe he was making a joke. I just felt like an idiot for not getting it. “Dressed to... Kill?”

“You're not going to make the guys turn their heads; they're going to break their necks.”

Chuckling, I play smacked his arm. “Seriously, Sid. My ego is going to be the size of Canada if I keep hanging out with you. Maybe I should just book it and go live with Jordan. He's fun to argue with.”

All of this was being said whilst he smiled crookedly in the mirror at my reflection. That more arrogant grin of his had me reeling somehow. In his eyes all I could see was oozing confidence, which matched his perfectly cocky smile. Meanwhile his body language was cocked to one side, one hand in a pocket and the other dangling free. Not only was he enticing, but he was also appetizing, which terrified me.

Shaking dirtier thoughts away before they cold begin, I broke my dreamy stare at the amused boy and ran a hand through my hair. “So this isn't too much?”

“What are they going to say, Amanda?”

“Nothing, Sid, but I want to look great for everybody.”

“Change into a t-shirt, then. A dress shirt is too much, even with the jeans,” he commented slowly, giving me a full look over. In his dark eyes I could clearly make out a certain curious I could recall only from my night of arrival. The lower portion of my spine tingled, stomach tightening at the thought. Suddenly that familiar sensation was creeping into my bowels and I knew I needed to get out the same room. The predatory way he was eying me was starting to get me hormonally on high.

His balance was slightly lost as he watched me, butt pressed against the granite counter behind him. For a moment he seemed to lean. That was, until his hand slipped and he nearly fell over.

Giggling, I began undoing the top few buttons. I then turned my heel, shaking my head, and exited the bathroom. “Thanks, Sid.”



I'll freely admit that having a group of highly attractive guys is both the most nerve-wrecking and sexually frustrating thing on the face of the earth. Okay, so for me it was. For any truly single girl it would be a slice of heaven. However with Sidney over my shoulder, I couldn't help but feel like flirting with one of them would land me into trouble.

Don't ask.

I had met the guys here and there in the past, found that they'd answer Trent's IMs for him or return his texts in his place. However this was the first time that I'd actually be hanging out with them for more than fifteen minutes on the fly. Mind you, it wasn't just the guys themselves. There were a few other women present-girlfriends, to be exact.

When they all didn't immediately laugh at my awkwardness and croaky “How ya doing?”, I knew I was home. Sure, I was still an awkward turtle, but the fact that they didn't seem to mind my pink cheeks and my great interest in the floor was a great comfort.

“So, sissy,” shot my brother who was approaching me fast. His arms nearly crushed my sides with a bear hug. Oh yeah, he definitely worked out in my absence. “How was the flight and your day?”

“Heard you met Alex,” Jordan interjected without hesitation in the least. I only remembered him for that very trait. He was a recluse, care free and intimidating. Although not exactly the most intelligent, he proved to be a thriving source of entertainment.

At least his humor might lighten the mood a bit?

“Yeah, what a creeper,” I blurted without thinking. “I mean, no offense if you guys like him, but he creeped me out.”

Nearly all of the women jumped in at the same time with echoes of “no, I totally agree” and nods. “Alex is just like that. Sorry you had to deal with it too,” was probably the most I got from the one I assumed to be Marc's girlfriend. Frankly, the girl looked like some kind of actress meeting a model meeting a goddess. It was a wonder that every other guy on the planet didn't try to pick her up or fall all over her.

“So uh... Dare I ask what my initiation is?” I asked with little hesitance. Might as well get it over with, anyway.

Behind me, Sidney chuckled. His hand found my lower back, which instantly triggered goosebumps in waves all over my body from his fingers. It was like he was injecting me with shivers. They weren't unfamiliar either. That physical side of me was starting to take hold of my thoughts, instantly making my attitude more aggressive. I could feel it in my body language as I straightened up and leaned a little more into his touch.

Remember where you are, Amanda. And stop bloody thinking about the size of Sidney's hands. He's like a child, for crying out loud. Don't be a creeper! It was then that the corner of my lip twitched from holding back a smart laugh. Heh. I'm not Alex.

“Well see, that's for you, me and a few of the guys to know and for the rest of the group to find out. For now, we're going to show you a good portion of the scene you never take part in.”

I raised an absolutely clueless eyebrow, having lost my brother at “to know”.

Jordan, with no surprise on my part, added in, “We're going to a party.”

My stomach tightened slightly. Wonderful. Parties were never my strong suit, let alone being with large groups at a time. Unless I was decked out in a suit with a presentation and a power pint at hand, I was pretty much invisible. Of course invisibility lead to awkwardness. Well, it lead to more awkwardness.

“So this is why you had me dress like this?” I muttered at Trent, staring down at myself. Impulsively tugging at my jean skirt in attempt to elongate it, I glared at him.

He smirked, the smug bastard. “Yup. And in my defense, I never specified exactly what you should wear in the first place. Your fault if you're uncomfortable.”

“You suck.”

“I love you too, sister.”



To be honest, I expected some kind of upscale town house in the middle of the city packed with so many people that one couldn't breathe let alone move. What I got as the party scene instead was a still upscale building, only it was a house and it was located in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. There were houses like that in California, only they belonged to people like actors and the guy that invented Uggs. That being said, it only makes sense that I impulsively asked Jordan who the hell owned the place.

He answered smoothly, “Geno bought it last week.”

“And he's already having a party?” I asked, getting out of Trent's car with the boy in tow.

“Well nothing is unpacked yet except for his bedroom and the sound and entertainment system. It makes the perfect party space since nothing can get jacked or broken. There's way more room too.”

I nodded in approval, also taking into account the area. There were no other properties around for quite some time. Sure, I could see them, but the likeliness that we were within earshot was extremely slim. I was thankful for this since the volume of the house's music was causing the car door to vibrate as if I was feeling a level four earthquake.

Inside, space was basically a commodity. Body heat forced me to shed my hoodie, which was thrown without much care into Geno's hanger-less hall closet. What was left on my shoulders was nothing but bare skin save for the halter-style straps of the tank top I was wearing. My fingers brushed up to my chest, clear nails clicking against the rhinestone fleur de lis. They grasped the silver heart-shaped charm dangling from my neck.

Nervousness was already setting in.

More than anything, I craved some peace of stomach. No wonder I was getting skinny. My stomach tightened with nervous stress so often, I was giving it a full blown work-out unintentionally all the time.

Techno pumped through the house. Both stories were packed full of guys and girls, mostly all grinding and having one hell of a great time. Keep in ind that I had nothing against their raunchy, sex-driven behavior. It just wasn't me, which is exactly why I never went to big parties like this.

What made matters so much worse was that I saw three girls clinging to one man as though he was the object of their every affection. To add insult to injury, that object was none other than Alex. I gagged, no questions asked.

And of course he saw me.

“Crap... Where the hell are you, Sidney?!” I growled, typing the message I was voicing into my phone. I was in the process of squeezing through a couple to make my escape, but it was far passed too late.

“Amanda, right?”

Only what made me even more nervous was that his voice seemed... Different.

“Uh-yeah.” Nervous laughter slightly shook my vocal chords.

“You look stunning,” was his brief statement, eyes glistening in the somewhat dim lighting. A tall, skinny glass of champagne sat elegantly in his hand.

Yes, elegantly.

“Uh... Thanks,” I replied with just slightly more ease. My fingers, now behind my back, drummed themselves against my phone. I could even feel my knees beginning to quake under the heat of this man's stare. He was hungry, volatile at the moment. I wasn't sure what he wanted more: to scare me or screw me. Maybe a combination of both. Either way, I wanted out.

And of course my luck came up behind me in the form of a man who apparently hadn't shaved that day, but still dressed to kill. His smooth hands barely danced over my hips, dangerously low on my sides, body pressed flush against mine. The weirdest part was the fact that I was completely physically comfortable even if my mind wasn't. At that moment, I blamed my desperation to get away from Alex. Any guy would have floated my boat then.

“Sorry, Al, but she's got a hot date. I'm going to uh-steal her away upstairs for a bit,” he seemed to almost growl. Mind you, it wasn't an animalistic, angry growl. It was one of lust that got my heartbeat kicked up to a level I hadn't felt for... Well, for awhile.

Sounds like he wants you.

Not now, Matt. I'm not going to put myself in that situation any time soon. You know how much I love you. That just wouldn't be-

Actually you're depriving yourself of your human instincts.

What?

I'm just sayin' I wouldn't want you to end the night with any regrets. There has to be someone in this house with a condom or four. Go for it.

Matt!

Hey, I said I'm just sayin'!

Anyone with half a brain understood exactly what “upstairs” meant. After all, what was upstairs? Rooms. What was in those rooms? Nothing and no one. Putting me and Max in one of these rooms would end in one of us being unable to walk tomorrow guaranteed. Would I normally object to this? The answer is yes, followed by the most powerful pimp slapping of Max's life. (Also hopefully the only pimp slapping of his life.) However right now, that didn't sound all that horrible.

Of course, that was just the sex-deprived portion of my current mind set speaking. No matter how many thoughts of Matt, Sidney or my own integrity I forced upon myself, I couldn't stop my hormones from acting up. Staring into Max's ice-blue eyes and feeling his index finger poke under the bottom of my shirt wasn't helping the situation at all either.

If you're not going to attack him right now, I'm going to be very disappointed.

But Sidney-

Sidney hasn't done shit.

Well yeah, but-

No more 'buts'. Sidney hasn't done shit. You don't have to sleep with Max, either. Just kiss him! And if it feels wrong then get the hell out of there. He's not even drunk. He'll understand if you just tell him the truth.

Right. Like I'm going to out and tell him 'uh-sorry, Max, I can't kiss you because I'm still in love with my deceased boyfriend'. Yeah, that sounds totally sane.

I was thinking of telling him you're in love with someone... Living. Brown eyes, dark hair, dorky laugh a total kid...

I was pretty sure my face was neon cherry red at that point. Can you really blame me, though? Imagine knowing that you have the choice of getting laid by a severely attractive goofball that nearly any girl would kill to have. Not to mention you're a thousand percent sure the night will last until the sun rises and every second will be fantastic. You have no idea how crazy I must have sounded when I finally overthrew my hormonal impulses and said, “Max, you know I'm not like that. You're great, but I hardly know you.”

“Which is why you're getting initiated right now. So I can get to know you. I may be extremely enticing, but don't worry. You're off limits.”

I immediately snapped at him, whirling around and punching his arm. “Then what the fuck was that about?!”

The man let out a short bout of deep laughter. “I just wanted to see how turned on I could get you in one try. You have amazing will-power.” He then paused for a moment, eying me smugly. “You know, maybe we should-”

“Don't finish that statement,” I interjected. “I take it initiation bullshit is upstairs,” I grumbled.

“Yup.”

“Lets get this over with.”



If there was ever a juvenile regret that I could take back, it would be agreeing to sit in a chair blind folded in the center of a dark room surrounded my males. Sidney and Trent were there so I knew nothing bad would happen, but the idea that guys like Jordan and Max could basically have their way with me was highly unnerving.

“So... What the hell am I doing?” I half-barked out of nervousness. My thumbs twirled around each other at lightning speed. Small beads of sweat were beginning to form on the back of my neck. I swept my hair back and awaited an answer from the silent group.

“Well simple,” Jordan replied. “We thought you should do exactly what I had to, which is the taste test. Basically we're going to feed you something and you have to guess what it is.”

Fuck. I'm going to get fed radioactive junk.

“It'll be something from the party, so don't sweat it.”

Fuck. I never saw anything out.

“What if I guess wrong?”

“Well, I had to strip.”

Fuck.

“But since we're slightly more merciful-”

“And I'm kind of your brother-”

“We're just going to hand cuff you to Max for the rest of the night.”

My face instantly burned. “Alrighty then. Bring it on.”

The first few trials were simple as ever. I could have had a cold and been able to tell the group that I was dining on a chocolate-covered strawberry and then a Dorito. Then of course came a bite of chocolate cake, some Chex Mix, a Ruffle, and a sip of cherry Seven-up. Shuffling went on, followed by some chuckles and this weird muffled patting noise, then the door opening and closing. My only thought was as follows:

Fuck. They ditched me. I can has Sidney now? He wouldn't sit me in a chair and make me taste test random crap and then ditch me. Sid wouldn't even take part. He probably just watched. Wait-he wouldn't ditch me. Is he still here? He'll totally undo the goddamn tie around my wrists and set me free.

Just as this thought occurred, the door opened and closed again. As soon as whoever left was gone, a set of hands worked a bit on the gnarly knot holding my wrists together. This made it possible for me to free my hands. For the first time that night, I was able to breathe freely.

Ha. I knew there was no way he would take part in this cra-

Only, it was the gentle lips on mine that truly took my breath away.