Find Some Peace

I crossed my legs in the thick chair and leaned into the warm fabric. Darkness swallowed the entire room as the heater hummed, coating my immediate atmosphere in comfortable warmth. The front door creaked and footsteps sounded in the familiar rhythmic pattern my ears had adjusted to. As they stopped mid-step, I knew my luggage had been spotted.

“Amanda?” the boy’s voice cracked. The sound of his keys hitting the carpet floor sent a small smile on my face. “Amanda?” His silhouette was about to move down the hall to his room in desperate need to find me.

“Getting colder,” I whispered from my seat.

One frozen footfall followed by two, three, four…

“Oh my god!” he shouted with a toothy, open-mouthed grin, picked me up and twirled me once around in his arms. The second my feet hit the ground, he had me wrapped in the warmest hug of my life, lips pecking softly all over my face.

“Missed me?” I asked with a soft chuckle and retreated from his gleeful form to turn on a light.

“Oh, no need to turn that on. I’m actually pretty bushed so…” Sidney’s voice trailed off with his slightly spastic motioning of me to venture down the hall to his room with him. Obviously I didn’t object as I laced my fingers with his. “So how’d everything go? I mean, I know it was probably way stressful, but if you’re home early… You are going to stay here… Right?” Chewing on my bottom lip, I stared at the floor. Sidney whispered his final word through the fabric of his t-shirt while removing it and throwing it to the floor. He turned his back to me for a brief moment, digging around his closet for something. When the silence went on for just too long, he froze. The nervousness in his eyes, preparing for hurt, nearly tore me apart. If anyone had naturally perfected puppy dog eyes, it was Sidney.

He softly asked, “You quit right? You’re going to move here, let me and your brother and the guys drive you crazy every day, and we’re all going to live happily ever after… Right?”

There was a certain touch of sincerity in his voice that made me feel like crying. Every single word he said to me didn’t just sound genuine and caring, but it felt that way too. Noting this invaluable aspect of his character, his being, I let my eyes flicker up to meet his. The eyes of a haunted child stared back at mine, full of hope and occupied by a swelling fear of loss.

“Relax, Sid. I did quit and my stuff’s getting shipped straight to Trent’s. And ‘happily ever after’? Are you okay?”

He chuckled, removing his belt and hanging it by the subtle buckle somewhere in the closet before him. “Yeah, as long as you’re here I’m okay. I just… I started worrying that you’d go home and something would go wrong and you’d choose to stay there.”

“And then fly all the way back out here just to tell you? I wouldn’t do something that messed up. I know you don’t want me to stay in California.”

“You’re right,” he laughed, “You’d call. But still. A guy has a right to be nervous. And in my defense, your father takes pretty big priority over that one kid you know from the ‘Burgh.”

Rolling my eyes, I lay back on his bed and buried my face in the cool sheets. Eyes shut; I didn’t attempt to snuff out the smile curving my lips. “I don’t even know how you could think I’d ditch you for him.”

“Well I know how much you love your job. I dunno, I just thought that maybe you’d fight to keep it.”

“And ditch the idea of being able to see you and the closest thing to real friends and family I’ve ever had? Strip and get over here, Sidney. It sounds to me like you really need sleep.”

-

Sidney did defend himself.

And I did get where he was coming from, especially when he explained how much he knew I loved the giving part of work. It didn’t help his anxiety to know that I was tied to home by the memory of Matthew. He knew exactly how I felt, in that respect. I knew, however, that there was more to his phobia than meets the eye.

Maybe he already loves me too.

But that was my thinking before I found out about his status with the Penguins.

“No! No, I’m fine,” Sidney grinned, trying his best to keep himself upright when I knew he wanted to hunch over and submit to the urges his pain was giving him. “It’s just a stupid little pain, nothing else. I’ll be fine within the week.”

“Bullshit!” sang Max, who limped by. “He got hit worse than me and I’m stuck on these stupid things.” Waving his crutches around, the man hobbled up to sit one bleacher below Sidney and I. Behind him, the chipper sounds of Penguin’s practice musically brought life to the building. Max stared on as if to glare at the harmony skates on ice and puck passes would normally provide.

“Yeah, that does suck. We know how much that’s bruised your ego,” Sidney cracked.

Smiling, I added, “If it makes you feel any better, girls think crutches and battle scars are cute. Maybe you can pick up a hot pity date.”

Max glared, shaking his head, and cursed in French.

“Language, Max, language,” Sidney grinned.

“So did you tell her what happened? I mean kind of a lot’s happened while she’s been gone,” Max began, glancing between Sidney and I.

I just shrugged since I figured it was a series of hits or something little that put Sidney back on day-to-day. Said man cleared his throat, though, and shook his head. “Well the day after you left, some friends of ours were in town. Thought it would be fun to go play a little pick-up game of football at Max’s. He got off with a sprain and I tweaked my groin.”

“Again,” added Max. “I’ll be surprised if you’ll be able to have kids some day.”

“Shut up, Max, it’s not my-“

“Hey guys, shut up please? Trent is calling me,” I half-yelled. To be honest, I wanted to prevent a conversation around man-parts, especially that of crude Max and my boyfriend. Man, it feels weird calling him that. “Hullo?”

“So, I got the boxes you sent for. There’s five. Are you sure that’s all you wanted?”

“Yup, that’s all. Oh and did you ask about a job for me? If you didn’t, that’s fine-“

“No, I did, but uh… Well… Dad’s already spread his influence.”

I let out a laugh, not because I found the situation at all humorous, but because I should have known. “Daddy” was going to ruin me. I mean, he had always wanted to, but because I worked under him and I was so good at what I did, my job provided me with some degree of protection. I figured outing a black light on my business name was just his shallow stab back at me for embarrassing him.

“No big,” I shrugged, “I’ll think of something.”

“I’m really sorry, Amanda… I make more than enough to-“

“Don’t even start with the ‘I can support you’ bull. Look, I’m gunna be fine. Give or take a few weeks and everybody will forget everything. Until then, I’ve got a loaded bank account and after the sale on my place is final, I’ll have enough to pay for a small apartment for awhile. Don’t worry, Trent, I’ll take care of myself.”

“Can you at least let me try to help you a little bit? Christ, Amanda, I feel like you’re finally steadily back in my life and already you’re holding me at arm’s length.”

“I love you too, brother.”

Click.

-

I was sitting alone, sipping a cup of coffee, when Sidney walked into my new room with the box he told me he’d bring in. It was entirely made up of two throw pillows, a journal, and my photo albums. We had sorted just about everything I wanted shipped to the ‘Burgh out to their new individual corners of my nearly master-sized bedroom and now sat in the center of the white floor. Before us sat all of my pictures; my forever sacred memories of childhood, of failures and successes, and of Matthew.

We sat for hours sifting through old photos until one massive pile was made beside one much smaller. “Thanks for helping me do this,” I stated quietly and began sticking the chosen pictures in the grandest of the ruffled leather albums. Slipping each picture into a new respective sleeve, I murmured, “When Trent told me I was basically ruined today, I didn’t think I’d be able to survive. Now I’m just kind of… Confused.”

“To work or not to work, right?”

My eyes widened. However, what started as surprise was immediately dulled down to a minuscule smile. If anyone, Sidney would know exactly what motions I was going through. He understood my anxiety over the idea of a fresh start. I was no longer Amanda Seraphyn; daughter of Ralph, or rather, Raphael Michael Seraphyn, the successful and wealthy. “I have to keep in mind that you know just about exactly how I feel,” I replied smoothly and finished slipping the pictures into their places.

“I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I can at least relate. For right now, don’t worry about work. Please don’t, I guess is what I’m trying to say. You became a workaholic and now you get your fresh start in a totally new place with the people who love you.” Sidney paused for what felt like the longest time, eyes fixated on an old picture of Matthew and I sharing an ice cream cone. “I guess what I should be saying is… You’ve already had a job that people twice our age want and nearly kill themselves over. Why don’t you rewind?”

My brow furrowed on impulse. “Re…wind?”

Sidney inhaled, a look of content taking his naturally optimistic features to a calm level that I found rather beautiful. His full lips straightened out in a slightly crooked line as his jaw relaxed. For a brief moment our eyes locked and a smile, evident in the curvatures of his eyes, began to influence his lips. “Yeah. Why don’t you just live off what you’ve got, maybe get a normal, working-class job, and live?”

“I don’t want to impose, though. Not on Trent or you.”

“You won’t, trust me. And y’know I do feel like I could use someone to look after, same as I could use someone to look after me.”

A big grin spread across his face now, the Sidney charm causing my heart to pound incessantly in my chest. I loved the feeling he gave me when he smiled so brightly and said things like that. It should go without saying, but I feel like saying it anyway. Sidney is everything to me. He’s my best friend, my boyfriend, and the one who I know will always be there, no matter what I do or say. Maybe he’s not the most serious or organized, but he’s exactly what I needed.

It’s just like I said: I’m no longer the successful daughter of a corporate giant; I’m just Amanda Seraphyn, the girl who fell in love when all she thought she had was memories and a broken heart. What started as the worst month of my life turned into the best thing that had ever happened to me.

And I owe it all to him.

“You’re cheesy as hell, Sidney,” I laughed, leaning my head against his shoulder. He straightened up and pulled me closer to his side, kissing the top of my head with a warmth that spread all the way to my toes.

“I know I’m pretty bad, but that’s what happens when I’m with you. All of my gooey comments have to go somewhere.” His hand rose, holding a picture of the two of us. The wind was blowing through our hair, unruly strands causing both of us to squint, but that didn’t matter. We were laughing so hard that even a small tornado couldn’t have disrupted our joy that night at the lookout in San Francisco. Sidney gave it a good, long once over before asking, “Why isn’t this going in your ‘Keep’ album?”

“Because I love you and don’t think our first epic picture deserves to be shoved in a book in a drawer somewhere,” I whispered as soon as he quieted down. His first reaction was disbelief, but he swiftly turned after letting my words settle in his head and planted a firm kiss on my lips.

Sidney’s jaw fell open slightly as he broke our short kiss. “You just said,” he let out an exhale of what was either slight disbelief or great relief, “You love me too.”