Find Some Peace

"I seriously can not believe we just did that," Sidney laughed, removing the dark blue helmet from his head. His hair was laced with a thin, shiny coat of sweat.

"Glad to see you got a workout from a little ride," I replied, removing my helmet at the same time and running a quick hand through my hair. It wasn't as oily as I'd thought it would be, which brought a smile to my face. I still felt like I needed a shower, though.

"So...." His voice carried in the enclosed space that was my tiny garage. The door shut slowly, loud as hell due to my neglecting care of the thing. I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass later through expenses... Or just collapsing on me while I was trying to come through the door. A few grand? Or an arm and a leg literally? I cringed at the thought. "I'm going to take a shower, then we can eat dinner? You told me on the way back you had something to do so I was thinking you do that and we meet up to eat afterward."

"Sounds good to me," I answered with a shrug and hung the key to my new baby on a small holder ring I had nailed to the wall beside the garage door. After that, I made my way inside and discarded my hoodie on the floor. From there, I jogged up the stairs and sought out my curtain remote in my room to give myself further privacy.

"I need music," I mumbled. "Okay so... Surround sound on..." I fiddled with another remote out of a small basket of them on my nightstand. Setting the small silver one down, I removed a white one the size of a folded dollar bill and turned toward the top corner of my room where the walls were solid. "And... Play!" The Bose I had mounted there had my iPod sitting in it.

I came here to make you dance tonight
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you...
And I don't even know
What kind of fool you're takin' me for
So you got some brand new clothes
You never could afford before

"Oh brother spare us all! We don't care anymore," I danced about, singing softly to the music so my voice blended quietly in the background. It didn't take long, but after a few seconds I began spinning with my arms outspread.

"Matt! Stop it!" I screamed with glee, my arms getting that sensation like they were about to pop right off my body. My muscles stretched, the feeling not quite bad, just weird.

"Okay!"

"No! Wai-"

And he let go of my hands, sending both of us flying to the ground on my bedroom floor.

"Oh shit!" the boy cried in pain, clutching his arm.

I snapped up at the sound of his distressed voice and crawled to his side, looming over his balled body. "Are you alright, Matty? Dude, what did you do?"

"Fucking rug burn... Oh damn..." he moaned in pain.

"Shit, do I need to get you anything?" I asked, watching his gentle eyes rise to mine.

He nodded.

"Okay... What?"

Wiggling his eyebrows, he offered up his arm and sat up to get on equal levels with me.

"Are you five?"

He shook his head, pouting. I rolled my eyes and took his arm, brushing my finger against the big red blob engulfing the greater half of it. I pressed my lips against the bright red skin and eyed him curiously. He only smirked back.

"I got one right here too," he motioned to his right cheek.

"You know you don't even have to ask, right?" I replied, and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Theleft cheek.

I collapsed at the foot of my bed, replaying the thought exactly five times in my head. "He was wearing the shirt I bought him for Christmas when we were Nineteen," I whispered and smiled gently. Aaand here comes the stomach knots... I sat there idly for a moment, waiting for that feeling of dread, of pain to overtake my body and force showers of tears from my eyes.

But it never came...

I breathed a small sigh. I wasn't sure if it was one of relief or one of content and it definitely wasn't heavy or sad. After a few moments of hesitation to even move (What if I thought I was off the hook and moved an inch and the feelings struck?) I found myself drifting toward the staircase, eyes getting a tad foggy.

"Hey! Sidney?!" I shouted nice and loud, turning the music down so he could tell my voice apart from the ruckus.

"Yeah?" he shouted back.

"I'm gonna take a shower!"

"Good, 'cause I just finished!"

"Alright! I'll be out in twenty and we can do something, kay?"

"Sounds like a plan," the brunette replied from a few steps up the staircase so I could slightly see him through the layered gunmetal grating. He offered a toothy smile that made me remind myself to brush my teeth while I was cleansing myself of all thoughts.



I'll admit that I used to wonder what life would be like if I had never met Matthew. What would I be like? Would I be more or less calm? Would I have made another friend like him? Could my job have completely changed? What would my job be if it did? Would I even have a job? Would I have gotten through school?

The questions; they came all the time. However, the moment he passed away, I never asked a single question again. While washing the conditioner from my hair, another thought occurred to me that sent a bit of a scared shock to my system.

Alright, Amanda... You're doing good, I mentally told myself. In his voice, of course.

Just keep that big smile on your face and remember he's in a better place... Heh, I rhymed. Asher would be proud.

Okay... Something good. What's happened today? Well the look on Sidney's face... That was bloody priceless. When I gave him the bike last night, he nearly flipped a bitch... I hope Kris will be okay.

A frown instantly stained my warm lips, steaming water sliding down my face. I closed my eyes tight for a moment and remembered Luc, every image of Kris coming back to my mind. When I went with Trent to his funeral... That was the first step in tearing me apart, I supposed. Seeing Kris crying so much; watching him die a little inside every time he discovered something of Luc's in his room or saw a motorcycle...

I had never seen him hurt a thing so bad. Well, maybe the little tussle he had with baby Staalsy awhile ago, but this was just... He actually intended on destroying his bike. He beat the shit out of it, I remember. Trent, Max, and I were the only ones with him at the time. He squeezed every bit of legal revenge he could out of that bike. He beat the thing to smithereens. And in the end we set off fireworks in and around it, like one last light show of Luc's old celebratory stash.

If Kris wouldn't have had us then... I wonder what he'd be like now?

What if I didn't have Si-

...

He's here now, don't be an idiot, I reminded myself, trying as hard as possible to slow my pulse down and breathe deeply. After standing there just trying to breathe for awhile, I shut the water off. I was dried and clad in a pair of blank white capri sweats and a light green v-neck. Steam still coated every crevice of the bathroom. My face began to bead with particles of sweat thanks to the sauna affect, but I didn't care.

He's not going anywhere yet. And if he is, he's only going to be home and one phone call away... He's not going anywhere. He's not going to leave... He's...

In my room rearranging my shit.

"Sidney, what the hell are you-"

"Shh!" the boy rushed over to me and put his index finger to my lips. "Shut up and listen!"

I gave him the 'are you shitting me' eyebrow-raised look, but did as I was told. The second his finger was gone from my lips, I focused my hearing on... Well, whatever it is that I was supposed to be listening to. After less than a second, I realized exactly what he was referring to. That familiar sound; a light pitter-patter against the roof and my walls brought a small smile to my face.

"It's raining," I whispered breathlessly, bringing my eyes to settle on his. He was standing close, which was a first since I fell asleep in him a few nights back. He doesn't look half bad in this close of a proximity, I thought, smile growing just a tad bit more watching him return my content gaze.

The boy chewed his bottom lip a few times before finally replying to me. "Exactly... And I was hoping we could have one of your rainy-night junk food and relaxation fun-fest things.” My expression fell slightly. The curious boy seemed to read my mind. “Like last time, only you don't have permission to frown.”

“Permission?” My smile was back, only this time in the form of an 'I can't believe you just said that' laugh. “Dude, you definitely do not own me and need I remind you that you are in my city and I do have authority to... Oh, man, what is it that everybody used to live by...?”

He stared right back at me, folding his arms over his broad chest, amused. “High tide is at 2:30?” Sidney made a quick hang loose sign with his left hand.

“Oh, yeah...” I then brought my hand up calmly, palm facing myself, completely straight and stiff. I then proceeded to separate my pinky from my other four fingers, then my ring finger from the rest, and so on until my fingers were completely outspread. The back of my hand then made a harsh snake-like contact with Sidney's shoulder. I smiled kindly as he rubbed his now very red skin, “Keep yo' pimp hand strong, baby.”

“You really are something else,” he muttered, “And that did fucking hurt... Jeeze.”

“Hey, I have a true master pimp hand. Don't mess,” I replied playfully, skipping passed him to see what he was originally blocking from my view. “Something tells me,” I began, examining the tray of food set out atop a large blanket on my floor, “that even if I declined, you wouldn't have let me pass this up.”

“Whatever tells you is right,” he replied quickly and hip-checked me gently as he walked by.

“Watch the butt-checking. You're loaded with both of our amo for that shooting contest,” I commented with the fake smile that I think the poor boy was growing far too accustomed to. Without another word, I sat beside him and took a bite out of a Milano cookie.

The rain dramatically picked up in a matter of seconds, taking both of our attentions by storm. The weather seemed so tame earlier, then out of nowhere just had a massive mood swing.

”The angels are crying really hard today,” Matt whispered, wrapping his blanket just a little bit tighter around his shoulders. We sat quietly in my room, side by side, staring out the young afternoon window being pelted by pouring rain. It was only three in the afternoon and the sky was nearly black with rainfall.

“Matt?” I whispered back.

“Hm?”

“Why do you always say the angels are crying?” I asked out of sheer curiosity For as long as I had known him, that's what he referred to as rain. Angel tears.

“Well... What shape is a rain drop?” he asked in one of those teacher tones. I drew the shape into my carpet floor using my finger. “And what shape are your tears?” He then drew the other shape for me. “See? The same shape.”

“But angels aren't humans,” I argued weakly. All I wanted was some ind of story out of him, but what I got was a massive blush instead.

“You are.”

The sky seemed to sink into the city the more and the harder rain fell. It was only getting worse, too. I wonder why the angels are crying so hard tonight...

Out of nowhere a pillow connected with the back of my head. I jerked forward, eating carpet, and snapped back in Sidney's direction with intent on beating the crap out of him.

…

Kindly, of course.

“I said no frowning,” he said this playfully, weapon at hand.

“And now I'm saying no beating the resident pimp with pillows.”

“Request denied.”

I jumped up and darted for my bed cheering, “You're going down, kid!” And with that, I grabbed an easy-to swing throw pillow and we lunged at each other. Back and forth we fought for a good five minutes. “Shit! Sidney!” His pillow burst, feathers spraying everywhere. I dropped my pillow and tore his from his grasp while he laughed wildly at my horrified face.

“Calm down!” the brunette laughed, grabbing my shoulders. “It's just a pillow. We can go get you another one tomorrow after work or something.”

I then fake pouted, lightening up a bit. “But I liked that pillow!”

“You will survive.”

“Yeah, I better.”

“You know,” he removed his hands from my shoulders and sat down at the foot of my bed, facing the window, “you're a lot of fun.”

I sat down beside him. “Um... Thank you?”

“No seriously. When I first got here I honestly thought you'd be a tad more... Bitchy, to be frank. Then I thought you'd be all PMS-y like girls can get when things got a bit more emotionally inclined. Then you surprise the shit out of me and somehow get me a free Ducati. And now you're sitting here with me after what, like half an hour of messing around, eating junk food, and watching the rain fall. I don't mean to sound so condescending, but... I'm really proud of you.”

“You're... Proud of me?”

“Yeah,” he whispered back, smiling softly.

A minuscule smile, genuine and strong, curved the corners of my mouth upward slightly. “Thanks, Sid.”

“Don't mention it.”

I mean what can I say?
Three babies in the back seat singin' (to you)
Hey DJ, won't you play that song for me?
Turn it up on your radio
I got two hundred seco-

Sidney answered his phone with a perplexed look on his face. “Uh... Hello?” His expression instantly changed. I focused on the window and dying rain to keep myself from staring at him.

I wonder who could be calling so late. It's fucking eleven o'clock... Seriously? I hope everything's okay... If anything happened to Sidney... well, it would make sense. I mean the greater half of our time together so far has been nothing short of a soap opera. He's been nothing but great to me, though. If anything happened...

“Really?! But I though-You-I-But we-Okay... Well yeah, it starts soon, but I thought you wanted this done like now. Yeah, we got pictures done. Release the a-Are you out of your mind, dude?! Well... True. Oh awesome, so what is it exactly that they want me to do now?” Another long pause. “Okay, yeah, I have one. Is-No, no, definitely not. Okay... Tomorrow?! Well yeah, I can, bu-... Yeah... Are you sure there's no other days? Okay... Yeah. See then. Bye.”

He clenched both of his fists the moment he hung up the phone. His muscles tensed and he gritted his teeth, throwing his blackberry across the room. “I hate this part of my job,” he muttered, slouching just a bit more.

“What's wrong?”

“I have to leave tomorrow night,” he whispered, avoiding eye contact.

I felt the smile fall right off of my face. Swallowing hard, I watched him carefully as sadness overtook his features. We never broke eye contact. Not once. My eyes narrowed. He looked so sad to be leaving. Did he really like it here this much? It was such a downer for him, I bet. I couldn't stand to look at him for another second.

There you go, always expecting more than you're ever gonna get and getting hurt because of it.

Those deep brown eyes watched mine sadly as I stood and turned my back to him. I heard some shuffling behind me and the next thing I knew, two arms were wrapping themselves slowly, hesitantly around my waist. Everywhere the unfamiliar pair of hands brushed, a burning tingling sensation would remain.

“Sidney... What are you...?”

His grip slowly tightened until I was pressed flush against him. The brunette swept some of the hair from the side of my face and proceeded to rest his chin on my shoulder, cheek pressed against mine. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. A furious swarm of nerves began ravaging my stomach. I could feel him blink.

“You're blushing,” he whispered.

“I'm thinking about Matt,” I replied just as softly.

“Well stop... Just for right now... Stop.”

My eyes instantly widened, but I didn't pull away. “What the-Sidney...”

“Shh.” It was short and forceful. “Let's just stand here, okay?”

Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Does he want to just hold me here? What the hell is he up to? Is he even up to anything? “Sidney, I don't understand... Why?”

And suddenly he was doing the blushing.