Wheel Love

Dinner was taking…a pleasant turn.

I wasn’t called upon to add any of my insight to conversation and Mr and Mrs Rowland were very pleasant houseguests. Mr Rowland, sorry, Jonathan clearly doted on his wife and he insisted to everybody (even Reggie, which of course was pointless) that we call him Jonathan.
Julie was sweet in her manner and always had something nice to say about her and Mom’s workmates, which made a nice change from Mom’s constant abuse of one person or another. Jared remained polite and never ceased to flash his dazzling smile at everyone whenever he could.

The strangest part of the evening was Jared’s family’s attitude to Reggie. They simply treated him as if he were…normal. Now I’m not saying that that is a bad thing, of course not, but it was a nice change.

Remember the condescension that I spoke of before? The tone that Mom used on Jared as if he was some dumb farm animal? Yeah, his parents never did that!
I guess I noticed it so much because I never had anything to contrast my parents behaviour with, but when I looked at the comparison between the two I realised that my parents…well…mollycoddled Reggie and talked down to him…a lot.

I felt awful about it all because I had never noticed it before. It was like I had just seen natural light after being stuck under neon’s my whole life. It was, scary, but kind of…nice. Reggie was well behaved too, no episodes and not once did he bother spilling his food. It was as if he wanted to show Jonathan and Juliet that he was as good as they were treating them. I was heartbroken yet elated at the same time. It was a very weird feeling.

*

After everybody had had their fill, my parents instigated the usual Pictionary game that all houseguests have to endure so I excused myself from their presence with a quick ruffle of Reggie’s hair. It felt funny because I haven’t done that in years. Reggie did his choked up laugh and I found that my fingers seemed to tingle with warmth. I was starting to feel happy, for once, that I was his sister.

Looking out at the stars was something I always did. Every night, regardless of the weather I would grab my checker blanket from its place under the stairs, lay it on the grass, then look up at the sky.
I used to pretend that the stars were the eyes of the angels that would look after me when my parents were too busy. A silly tradition I know, to still be doing it after all these years, but it didn’t feel right when I didn’t do it.

The night seemed alive with activity. I could almost pin-point the insects and their calls as they heralded the new evening. Dusk was long gone and the sky was my favourite colour of ink. I closed my eyes…only briefly…

“Wake up Sleeping Beauty!”

“Huh?! I wasn’t asleep you idiot!”

Great! I thought to myself, Jared just caught me sleeping on the grass in my backyard…at night. How am I ever going to live this down at school?

“Sure you weren’t. Mind if I join you anyway?”

“Um, yeah I guess. Wait-what? You want to lie down too?”

I asked that question stupidly I know. How was he going to lie down at all? He couldn’t even get out of his chair!

“Yeah, I think I do. Only if you help me though. If that’s okay?”

“Okay…what do you need me to…erm…do?”

After much struggling (on my part) and much laughter (on his part) Jared was lying next to me on my checker blanket.

I couldn’t explain why, (perhaps Mom drugged the food to make me “At Peace With The World”) but I didn’t actually feel uncomfortable with him at my side.

We chatted about our Moms, I explained how much of a mistake his was making my befriending mine and I outlined her Nazi-like attributes and found that Jared thought my theory amusing.
Jared spoke about our Dads and pointed out that my father’s handle-bar moustache would be the envy of any self-respecting bikie. I found this amusing also.

It was a strange night. For some reason Jared’s family’s visit had altered the universe.
I realised that my Mom was capable of making friends, and that Reggie liked it when I tousled his hair, and that Jared wasn’t as much of an ass as I had previously thought.
I was just waiting for the sirens to start signalling the end of the world when Jared said,

“I love looking at the stars. It makes me feel…normal. Until of course I realise that I couldn’t reach them even if I tried.”

That caught me off guard. I didn’t quite know what to respond with so I just scrambled and said,

“We can go inside if it’s making you upset Jared. I imagine the parents will be looking for us anyway.”

“Oh god no! I’m hopeless at Pictionary. We can stay here, I like it. Um, can I ask you something?”

“Yea shoot.”

“Why don’t you like me?”

What was it with him and catching me off-guard like that? What should I say?

I rolled over to face him and replied,

“Why does it matter? Everybody else loves you. Why do I count?”

Jared looked at me, cleared his throat and then answered, looking up at the sky again,

“Well, I am going out with Steph, it would be kinda weird if you hated me…I guess.”

I was suspicious of his answer. We both knew that Steph wouldn’t honestly care if we didn’t speak. She was the possessive type.

“I guess it’s ‘cause you always seem to have everybody wrapped around your finger and that makes me…uncomfortable. Knowing that you are “in” with the popular crowd.”

Jared let out an audible sigh of relief and I was confused,

“What?”

“I thought you didn’t like me because I was in a wheelchair,”

“Dude are you serious? I would be a huuuge hypocrite if I didn’t like you just because of that!”

I started laughing and I could see that Jared was looking confused as he tried to pretend to look at the stars.

“What now?”

“Steph told me that you didn’t like me because I reminded you of your brother…and that you hate him.”

He added on that last piece very quietly and I could tell that he was regretting even saying it. I didn’t quite know what to reply to that. I mean, up until tonight I had hated him. Until I saw how he was around the Rowland’s, he made me realise that he was still human. Not that he communicated it to me directly, I just…knew.

“Well,” I started off slowly,
“I guess I did hate him. He had been… a bit of a munted magnet in my moral compass. I always thought that because I was alive and fine, it was unfair on him. That made me guilty and it made me hate him because I couldn’t deal with the guilt.”

“What made you change your mind then?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I guess I just know that it isn’t my fault anymore. Well, it still is, but tonight I guess I saw that he is still human. It kinda lessened the guilt.”

Comprehension was dawning on Jared’s face so I asked the question that was burning on my tongue,

“Did she really tell you that?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I even brought it up, but I had to know.”

“I understand Jared. I guess I haven’t been very fair to you have I?”

“No you haven’t. Could we-”

“Try being-”

“Friends?” we both said that at the same time and then simultaneously started laughing.

“Deal,” Jared managed to choke out, “Now can you please help me into my chair? I cant feel my legs.”

It took about half a second for me to process the joke he made, but once I did I replied laughing,

“Your wish is my command!”