To Love Again

The conversation I had with my mother swarmed around and around until it hurt. I should have been there with her, I could have stopped her.

The image of when we found her haunted me like a nightmare. After leaving the Cullens' house we got to her within five minutes. I didn't really take much notice but Carlisle must have been driving like a maniac and Edward wouldn't let go of me. It was as if he thought I would break to pieces if he did. And I was glad he didn't let go because he did keep me together.

Carlisle rang the ambulance on the way there. We got there before they did.

She was unconscious by then, sprawled across the kitchen floor, her blonde hair sticking to her face. I couldn't breathe watching her like that. None of it was right. None of it was ok and I hated it.

And now, here I am, sitting outside the operating theater, waiting patiently for her to come out - alive. I can't lose her, not now. I can't even think about it.

Carlisle told me they would have to pump her out. She had overdosed on painkillers and alcohol. I wasn't stupid, I knew that was a lethal combination. So now, her organs were fighting against her and not with her.

I couldn't stop my hands from trembling as I paced up and down the corridor, random glances from strangers shot my way.

I jumped, a sharp intake of breath scraping through my lungs as cold hands gripped my shoulders.

"Sit down, Eleni." I turned to see Edward's topaz eyes' stare deep into my blue ones.

"I can't. I feel so helpless."

He just nodded in understanding. "I called Alice. Suzie just went off to bed."

"Oh crap, I never left her any clothes."

"Don't worry, I'm sure Alice will sort out something." He assured me.

"How was she?" I asked, hoping my little sister wasn't worrying too much. For six she worried a lot, it was just her way.

"She was in a good mood. Don't worry yourself about her, everyone is taking good care of her. It's been awhile since there has been a child in our house, I am sure they will spoil her."

And I believed him. Rose and Emmett adored her as it was. I couldn't image what they would do to just get her mind off of things.

"Everything is going to be ok!" He wrapped his fingers in between mine and for a moment I believed him.

"How do you know that?"

"Just trust me!" He winked.

After a few moments I sat down, hoping my muscles would relax but they didn't.

"Edward, you can go home. I didn't mean to drag you or your family into any of this. This is my problem to deal with, not yours." I felt so guilty for keeping here when there was no need. He had been amazing so far, he kept me together but I couldn't ask anymore of him. It wasn't fair.

"I'm not going anywhere, Eleni. I'm not going to leave you here." He stated, rubbing the tears away from my cheek with his thumb. I couldn't help my heart from beating faster.

"But...." I began but he cut me off by putting his finger to my lips.

"Hush you." He smiled. "No buts. I won't take no for an answer. Sorry but you are stuck with me here."

He didn't have to be sorry about a thing, I liked the idea of that.

"Eleni." I deep voice called from down the corridor. It was George, his eyes' holding too much worry for his face.

"Hey." I whispered, standing up to embrace him. He hugged me tightly for a minute or so, as if he never wanted to let go.

"How is she?" He asked, holding me at arms length.

"I don't know anything yet, the same as what I told you over the phone."

"This is all my fault. I went to talk to her today, I should have just left her." He shook his head in disbelief. I have never seen that look on George's face. It was regret. And it hurt to look at him.

"Don't be stupid. It's not any body's fault. This was coming for awhile. She just seemed to be getting worse and worse." I took his hand supportively. "Let's hope this shows her she needs to stop."

If she wakes up, I mentally reminded myself.

With that, I could feel the coolness from Edward's body against mine. "Oh this is Edward." I introduced him because I was sure if I didn't he would have done it himself. "Edward this is my uncle George. Not exactly my uncle but it's easier to call him that." I explained.

"Hi Edward, nice to meet you. Thank you for being here for Eleni." George shook Edward's hand firmly.

"You too, sir. And it's no problem at all."

"Call me George." He always hated being called sir, it made him feel old.

"Where's Suzie?" He asked, sounding panicked as if he had only realized that she wasn't here.

"She is with Edward's family." His eyes' narrowed as he looked at me. I knew what he was thinking: does she even know those people? "She's fine, honestly."

"I just got off the phone with my sister." Edward interrupted. "Suzie is sleeping now."

"Edward's father is a doctor." I nodded trying to get my point across. "He is working on Mom right now."

"Oh ok." He seemed to be ok when I told him that.

We sat down then, hoping and praying that she would come out of this alive. I have never in my life witnessed seconds to go by so slowly on a clock. I was concentrating so hard I could have swore the sound of the constant tick was more like sixty bombs in a minute.

It was 11p.m., when Carlisle finally stepped out of the operating theater and walked swiftly towards us. I stood up, feeling my blood flow through me like acid in my veins. It reminded me that I could actually feel something because for awhile I was just numb with empty thoughts.

"Take a seat Eleni." Doctor Cullen gestured.

"It's ok." Edwards whispered in my ear, taking my hand when he saw all the colour drain from my cheeks.

"Your mother is stable for now and she is breathing on her own which is great. But we will have to keep a close eye on her for the next twenty four hours." I could feel the tears stain my skin as they flowed freely from eyes' with relief. "The surgery was a success and I am confident that your mother will wake from this but when she does, she needs help."

I swallowed hard and nodded in agreement. I knew she needed help a long time ago. I should have tried harder. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be sitting here right now listening to a doctor explain how he stopped my mother from dying because she wanted to kill herself.

"Can I see her?" I asked, anxious to see solid proof that she was breathing.

"We put her into a room on the third floor, you can go and see her now."

"Thank you." I tried to say but it came out in a bare whisper as the sobs caught in my throat. This man was amazing, he had just saved her and kept her in my life.

"My pleasure." He replied, as if he knew I was thanking him for much more than just letting me see her.

"I'm going to go up." I said, wiping the tears from my eyes'.

"Ok sweetheart. I will leave you have some time alone with her. You know where I am if you need me." George smiled before hugging me close to him and kissing the top of my head.

"Edward..." I began.

"Don't!" He warned. "I'll be here when you need me." He reminded me and I couldn't help the tears from falling. His concern and care touched me so deeply it felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest at any minute. "Now go on! Your Mom need you."

"Ok." I whispered, nodding my head before I left to go and see her.

I decided to take the stairs, it was only one flight from where I already was and it kept my legs occupied. The nurses seemed to be busying themselves with charts and machines when I got there. The corridor was dimly lit as most of the patients were either sleeping or like my mother, unconscious.

"Excuse me." I murmured quietly. A young nurse with short brown hair turned to look at me. A pleasant smile gracing her rounded face. "I am looking for Jean Ryans."

"Are you a relative sweetie?" She asked, her eyelids covering her pale green eyes' when she blinked.

"Yes, I'm her daughter." I confirmed.

"Ok, come with me then." She smiled sympathetically.

As I began walking I realized each step lead me closer and closer to her. And it suddenly hit me: Was I ready to see her like this?

"She is in here." The nurse whispered.

Well, right now I didn't have a chance to decide.

As I turned the corner to her room, my heart began to beat hard against my chest and my palms became clammy. My eye's stung with heavy tears when I saw her lay there in the bed like that. I swallowed hard trying to work up the courage to step closer to her. I turned around hoping the nurse was there to guide me somewhat but she wasn't. She left. She probably thought it was necessary to give me some time.

Finally, after a few moments I dragged one foot in front of the other, trying my best to keep my breathing at an even pace. She looked so small lying in the bed with nothing there to protect her.

It pained me deeply to watch her. Dark circles engraved themselves around her eye's. She was so pale, her cheek bones looked more prominent and her lips looked like they had been painted purple. But her natural beauty still shone through. There was no denying that about my mother. She was beautiful and every mans' dream. Unfortunately, she had ever only met one man that she loved enough to make his dream come true.

The constant beep of the machine was the only noise echoing around the silent room.

I sat down on the chair next to the bed and slowly took her hand in mine and kissed it. She was warm. "I love you Mom." I whispered before I rested my head on the corner of the bed. For an hour I slipped in and out of my own consciousness until a quiet moan woke me from my restless doze. My head shot up, hope exploding through my body. For a moment her eyelids' opened halfway and closed again. Then they began to flutter as if she was trying to get rid of a haze in her eyes'.

"Where...Wh..."

"Ssh." I cut her off. Her eyes' rolled in my direction and she stared at me for a long moment. "You're ok now. I'm here." I assured her, kissing her forehead.

"I'm... I... I'm so sorry." She managed to say after a few minutes, a single tear flowing her eyes'.

"Don't be. You are safe now. You should rest Mom." I advised her.

"I love you, Eleni." Her voice sounded tired and strained.

"I love you too, Mom." I told her before she slipped back into unconsciousness.

I sighed deeply knowing she had woken up. It gave me hope that she would be ok. It was only then I realized how tired I was getting and my eyes' began to get heavier and heavier.

Gently, I let go of my grip around her hand and stood up. Before I left the room I kissed her again, embracing that she was alive and here for me to kiss.

I informed the nurses that she woke before going downstairs to go outside and get some air.

The minute I came close to the front doors the coldness of the night air hit me like a bitter wind, waking me from my haziness. I turned towards one of the benches only to find George and Edward in deep conversation.

Edward turned to me first, standing up when he saw my face.

"She woke up." I informed them, relief swarming my body as I repeated the words. The feeling was amazing.

"Oh thank God." George sighed.

"She's not awake now but you can go and see her, George."

"Ok sweetie." He said, hugging me again just like last time before he made his way into the hospital.

I smiled at Edward as I positioned my body into the bench, sitting close beside him. I could feel his muscular shape against me.

"Thank you." I whispered, biting down on my lip. I didn't want to cry again. I was never the crying type but tonight just took it right out of me.

"You don't need to thank me. I wanted to be here for you, Eleni."

I turned to look at him, his topaz orbs burning right through me, melting me to my very core.

Slowly, he rubbed his thumb across my cheek.

Somehow, it was like he was scarred to do anything in case I would react badly, but I wanted him to do something. I knew I shouldn't have but I did.

His eyes' travelled from my eyes' to my lips and back again. So before he could back away I had to do something. "Edward." I spoke quietly, my voice trembling and my hands shaking. He had that effect on me and it was hard to deny. "Kiss me." I said softly.

And to my surprise he obliged. Slowly, he pressed his lips softly against mine and stayed that way for a long moment until he looked up to stare at me.

"God you are beautiful." He whispered, placing my face in his hands. Then he kissed me again. This time, crushing his lips against mine until I melted into him and all my barriers fell down. I moaned queitly against him. His lips moved perfectly with mine, shaping together. I couldn't think of anything else but him. My hands lifted so that I could put my fingers in his hair and feel his cold skin.

And then it hit me. I was falling and falling fast. And I wouldn't stop it even if I could.