My Thorn And My Rose

Sean and I walked slowly back to the room, he was constantly moaning on asking me to tell him what I was going on about, but I didn’t want to have to explain it twice. He was only going to end up pissed about it, then Gavin would react the same, I didn’t need two doses, I’d rather have the one hit.
I opened the door and Gavin stood up, holding onto my bag. ‘‘Bus, now.’’ He demanded. I gripped Sean’s hand tighter and dragged him away from the door and to their bus. My stomach was doing flips and felt like it was knotting, but I knew this day was going to be inevitable, I just didn’t think it would come so soon.
I sat with Sean at the back of their bus, I wanted to hide away, but there was no where to do that. I had to face Gavin. I heard the rest of them pile onto the bus, their footsteps getting closer.
I heard Gavin’s mumbling voice say something and he opened the door to where Sean and I were sat, then closed it again. He sat on the opposite side to us and glared.
He reached inside my bag, bringing out my phone and scan. My stomach dropped when I saw them. I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was to explain.
‘‘What the fuck is this?!’’ Gavin yelled at me, opening the scan so Sean and I could see it. ‘‘This better not be yours!’’ He said, directing his anger at Sean.
Sean was about to defend himself when I cut in.
‘‘Its not his, Gavin. It was mine and Sam’s.’’ I told him, keeping my voice down so I could try and calm Gavin down.
Sean dropped my hand, moved away from me a little and twisted in his seat to look at me. Gavin was a little less tense and gave an apologetic look at Sean. ‘‘What do you mean was?’’ He asked me.
‘‘What does it sound like? Was is past tense, Gavin. And clearly I have no fucking baby, so I’m sure you could figure it out.’’ Again I directed my anger at someone I loved.
‘‘Why didn’t you tell anyone you lost your baby? Or even that you were pregnant to start with?’’ He asked me.
‘‘Because Sam and I wanted to leave it as a surprise. We didn’t want anyone to know about it until you could start to tell and I could no longer hide it. ’’ I answered him, surprisingly keeping rather calm. ‘‘And I didn’t just lose it.’’ I continued. His face filled with confusion. ‘‘It was killed.’’ I finished.
Sean seemed to be glued to the seat where he was. He didn’t move, hold me, tell me it would be fine, he just sat there. Gavin didn’t do anything either, his mouth moved, but no words came out.
‘‘Yes, it was Terry. He hit me the day he killed Sam. I didn’t tell anyone because it was one less thing to deal with. It was one less thing for our mother to cry over.’’ I explained, knowing those were the questions he was trying to ask.
‘‘Why didn’t you tell me? You know I wouldn’t have told her if you didn’t want me to.’’ Gavin eventually said.
‘‘I just didn’t want anyone to make a fuss. Losing Sam was enough for me to deal with, too much. I didn’t want people knowing I had a baby that died to because it would just build up to something more.’’ Sean eventually moved and clutched onto my hand.
‘‘What did Terry say?’’ Gavin then asked, carefully putting my scan back into my bag and holding my phone. He showed me the answered call list so I couldn’t deny that I had been on the phone to him.
I sighed heavily. ‘‘He said he got bored and wanted someone to talk to, then he went on to say how he can get someone to hurt Sean…’’ I choked up and Sean squeezed my hand. ‘‘I asked him why me? What I’d done to deserve it, we just argued mainly. Then he had to go, that’s why you cant send me home, Gavin. I need to stay with Sean. I’m not losing someone else.’’ I was doing very well to compose myself and not breakdown in front of them both.
Gavin rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. ‘‘I wont send you home. But you need to stop talking to him, he’s only trying to get at you.’’ Gavin said.
‘‘I wont.’’ I replied. But Gavin just raised his eyebrows.
‘‘You need to promise me, Maddison.’’ There he goes with the full name.
‘‘I promise.’’