My Thorn And My Rose

The cleaner washed the floor again where I had previously been sick. Gavin sat me down, sending Gareth to go get some water and bandages for my hand. He gently patted at my hand and knuckles, taking out the glass and lightly dabbing water onto it to clean away the blood. I sat in silence as he did it, Sean sat beside me, holding onto my good hand, glancing at me every few seconds, then back to Gavin. The room was silent, waiting for answers from me no doubt, answers which were just going to make me sound crazy and like I needed to be locked away in some psycho home.
Gavin wrapped the bandages around my hand, taped it up the stood from his position on the floor. He pulled a chair in front of me and sat on it, everyone still dead silent.
‘‘What happened?’’ He eventually asked, breaking the silence we had all seemed to be caught in.
I didn’t know how to start it. I didn’t know whether I should just come right out with seeing Terry’s reflection, or give him a long story just to put off telling him my craziness. I just came out with the short version. ‘‘I saw Terry’s reflection in the mirror and punched it.’’ I told him bluntly, staring him right in the eye so he knew I was telling him the truth. No one laughed, no one backed away from me like I was crazy and no one said anything. They all just looked concerned. It felt uncomfortable being around them when they were like that.
‘‘I don’t think…’’ Gavin started, and I knew where he was going with it, ‘‘being here, is doing you any good. I think our parents will do a better job at looking after you then I have. I think going home would benefit you.’’ He finished. His eyes said sorry, his tone was saying sorry, and I knew he was just trying to do the best thing for me. I didn’t want to go home though, I had to stay and look after Sean.
‘‘Please, don’t Gavin. Let me stay, I promise I’ll get better. I wont do this anymore, I’ll just not think about Terry, it wont happen again. Don’t send me home, Gavin, please.’’ I cried. He dropped his head into his hands, sighing. My tears gushed out of my eyes, I couldn’t control myself. I actually at that moment, didn’t know what was wrong with me. I thought it was going to be breakdown number two. Sean pulled me into him, cradling me and telling me it would be fine, whispering that he’d talk to Gavin.
I felt Gavin touch my hand and I sat up, Sean still had his arms wrapped around me, but also looked at Gavin.
‘‘I’m giving you a week. If anything similar happens, you’re going home. Not because I don’t want you here, but because I don’t want you hurt anymore. Its just a small cut this time, but if it happens again, it could be worse. I don’t want that, Maddy.’’ He said and I nodded.
‘‘Nothing else will happen. I swear.’’ I wiped away my tears. I knew he was fed up of hearing the same words over and over, and I knew that this was my last chance, I was going to do my best to not think about Terry. I knew the hallucinations were coming on because of stress. My doctor had already told me I was undergoing stress and exhaustion, they were playing big parts into my physical and mental state, but I hadn’t told Gavin about that.
‘‘Don’t I owe you a hair cut?’’ Matthew beamed coming up beside Gavin, trying, quite clearly, to make the whole situation lighter and pulling away from the topic.
‘‘You do.’’ I smiled to him, standing up, wiping away my tears.
‘‘You’re going to let him cut your hair?’’ James asked trying to keep in a laugh.
‘‘Yes I am, I trust him.’’ I said, poking my tongue out at him and pulling some scissors from my bag that I had also bought earlier in town. I took a seat on one of the chairs and handed Matthew the scissors.
‘‘Ready?’’ He asked, inhaling deeply.
‘‘As I’ll ever be.’’ I replied, then I felt him pick up some of my hair and cut. He gasped a little, but I ignored it, I knew he’d do a perfectly fine job at it.
The rest of the guys stood around, watching Matthew cut my hair, Sean looked like he had stopped breathing as he watched Matthew. I chuckled and kicked his leg softly.
‘‘What was that for?’’ He asked me, shocked.
‘‘For not trusting Matthew, he’s probably doing fine.’’ I said, smiling up at him.
‘‘You wanna hope.’’ I heard Gavin say from behind me. I heard Rhys and James chuckle at his comment but again ignored them. They needed to trust Matthew more.
After half an hour, Matthew was finally at my fringe, cutting it in jagged lines so it was a messy look in front of my face.
‘‘Finished!’’ He called, grinning at my head. I looked up at him, sweat was starting to trickle down the side of his face, he handed me the scissors back and passed me a small mirror that was hanging on the wall.
I was actually surprised at how nice it had turned out. My once long hair was layered up to my shoulders, jagged cuts and slants throughout it to make it match my fringe, it wasn’t a mess, or uneven. It was actually pretty damn good for a person that had never cut hair before.
‘‘Do you like it?’’ He asked, sounding uneasy as I hadn’t said a word since I’d looked in the mirror.
I grinned, turning to look at him. ‘‘I love it. Thank you.’’ I wrapped my arms around him and he hugged me back.
‘‘See, I knew she would.’’ He breathed a sigh of relief to everyone else who clearly thought he was going to make a tits up job of it.
‘‘Guys, you’re next.’’ A man said as he popped his head around the door.
Sean whipped his head around to look at the clock. ‘‘Whoa, I didn’t realise we’d been back here so long.’’ He commented. I stood up and Matthew helped me brush the hair off me and I swept it up and put it in the bin. They all started to leave the room and Sean and Gavin stalled a little.
‘‘We’re going to have to trust you a lot here, Maddy.’’ Gavin started.
I looked at him sceptically. ‘‘What’s wrong?’’ I asked him.
‘‘Well, you’re gonna have to stand at the side of the stage alone tonight.’’ Sean continued.
Then it dawned on me. I spun around a few times, then ran to the door and looked up and down the corridor. ‘‘Where’s Billy?’’ I asked, frantic and worried.
‘‘That’s the thing, we sacked him. He wasn’t looking after you and he was in the bar when we found him last night. I’m not having someone like him look after my little sister.’’ Gavin said.
‘‘So…what happens if the person watching me comes up to me and you cant do anything because you’re on stage then he kills me then goes after Sean and-’’ I said all in one breath until Sean cut me off.
‘‘Stop worrying, everything is going to be fine. No one will hurt you, or me. Come on, I’m Sean Smith!’’ He beamed kissing me.
I smiled up at him, trusting what he was saying. I walked out of the room with him and Gavin, then prepared myself to stand alone on stage.