My Thorn And My Rose

I didn’t know what to say, I could lie anymore and I knew if I tried, I would dig myself an even bigger hole.
‘‘Who is he?’’ Sean asked, turning to me. I shrugged in response. My mouth had dried up and I didn’t think I could make my vocal cords work.
‘‘You know who I am. Don’t stand there and pretend, Susie. I’m not sure either one of us could forget that one night.’’ His grin spread across his face, getting creepier by the second. Sean’s grip loosened slightly on my side, I could feel his weight shift from foot to foot.
‘‘Why do you keep calling my sister Susie? That’s not her name, so if you don’t mind, I’d like you to fuck off and leave us all alone.’’ Gavin said, stepping in and trying to get Daniel away.
‘‘I’ll leave when she stops lying to me and…’’ he said, trailing off, ‘‘do you remember about the fifty pound you owe me?’’ He asked. His face was close to mine. I could feel his breath on my face, the smell of alcohol burning my nostrils.
I knew my face had probably gone pale, my past was dragging itself up at such an inconvenient time.
‘‘Can we please not talk about this here?’’ I begged, stepping forward a little.
‘‘Oh, so you haven’t told your little friends about me?’’ He asked, in mock disbelief. ‘‘I’ll introduce myself. I’m Daniel, Susie‘s…or whatever your name is,’’ he said, looking at me, ‘‘one night stand from god knows when. She promised to call me the next day, but she left my flat without another word. Leaving me alone, and fifty pound short.’’ I was hoping that would be the end, but he still had more. ‘‘Did she tell you what the money was for? Most likely not since you didn’t know about me, drugs, that’s what.’’ He was quite clearly pleased with what he was saying. Sean’s arm had flopped to his side, leaving me standing in front of Daniel.
‘‘Maddison, is that true?’’ Gavin asked, coming round to face me. I let a tear escape my eye, but that wasn’t going to work on Gavin.
‘‘Maddison, so that’s you’re real name.’’ Daniel butted in.
‘‘Will you just fuck off and leave us alone, obviously we have things to sort out so piss off!’’ Gavin shouted at him, making him step back a little.
I didn’t want to be there, surrounded by all those staring faces, so I ran out of the bar, hiding my tear stained face as I went.
‘‘I still want my money!’’ I heard Daniel shout to me.
‘‘Here’s your money, leave my sister alone.’’ Gavin yelled back…great, now I owed Gavin fifty pound, but that was really the least of my worries.
I left the bar and started to run up the street. I heard Gavin call my name, then Sean had, then I heard Gareth. I didn’t stop for any of them. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t face them, tell them what I had done. I was far too embarrassed.
I reached my house and quickly unlocked the door, I tore up the stairs, opened my bedroom door and slumped down in front of it, locking it with the pathetic homemade lock I’d put on when I was eighteen.
‘‘Honey, is that you in?’’ I heard my mum ask through the door.
I was to hysterical in tears to reply. ‘‘Honey, please open then door, I want to speak to you, you don’t sound very happy in there.’’ She stated the obvious. Just then, I heard the front door slam and someone-Gavin-thudding up the stairs.
‘‘Gavin, what’s happened? I’m worried.’’ My mum pleaded with him.
‘‘Mum, just go back to bed, we need to talk…’’ the we was directed at me, I was hoping he didn’t want to talk, ‘‘I need to understand some things.’’ He then yelled through my door. I heard my mum walk slowly back to her room then shut her door.
‘‘Maddison, open this door now!’’ He yelled at me. I didn’t feel like I could move from the floor. ‘‘Maddison, now! I swear if you don’t open it, I will kick it down.’’ He threatened, and I knew he would do it, he’d done it once before.
I slowly stood up and unlocked the door, letting him in. ‘‘Sit on your bed and don’t say a word, until I’m finished.’’ He ordered. I was in no place to argue with him so I did as he said. ‘‘What the fuck were you thinking?! Sleeping with someone you didn’t know, stealing money, and for what? Fucking drugs?! Why, Maddy?’’ He asked, clearly exasperated.
‘‘Because if you cant remember, I was a total wreck back then, Sam had just died, you left to go on tour and our parents didn’t know how to help me. You left me, Gavin. It was the only thing I could turn to.’’ I told him through my tears.
‘‘Don’t even dare turn this on me, Maddison. Its not my fault. You could have picked up the phone at any point and I would have talked, listened and helped you. Stop blaming it all and Sam’s death too, you cant have that as an excuse for everything you do wrong!’’ His voice was getting louder and more harsh.
‘‘But that’s the reason for all of this. I wouldn’t have done drugs, slept with random people and gone totally off the rails if he hadn’t of gotten killed!’’ I yelled back at him.
He looked at me, wide eyed and backed away a little. ‘‘You’re not my sister. My sister wouldn’t do anything like that. I don’t know who you are anymore.’’ My heart broke as he said those words.
‘‘Don’t say that, please Gavin. Don’t say that.’’ I cried even more. I reached out to grab his arm but he pulled away and headed for my door.
‘‘I cant stay here, not with you near me.’’ Gavin said, then walked down the stairs and left the house.