My Thorn And My Rose

My eyes flicked open and again, I was lying down in that same room. My head was spinning, I felt like I wanted to throw up everywhere, I could hear the machines beeping around me and I could feel wires and tubes around and on me. I sat up slowly on the bed, remembering the pain that had shot across me the last time I darted up. I glanced around the room, there was no one in it, just me. I could hear people walk up and down the corridor outside and muffled voices, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I turned and looked at one of the machines I was hooked up to, I didn’t know what it was for. It had buttons, numbers, a jagged line going up and down on a small screen, I followed the wire which led to the one in my hand. I was guessing it was keeping something in me pumping. I heard the door creak open and my eyes shot to it. My heart started to race when he came inside the room. His hair was still long and messy, his smile only grew as he stepped closer to me.
‘‘How did you get in? Who let you in?’’ I screamed. He then looked confused but still edged towards my bed. I couldn’t move because of all the machines I was attached to, I’d only end up smashing things if I tried to run. ‘‘Stay away from me, Terry!’’ I screamed again. I could hear the machines beeps getting louder, I felt my heart racing. He edged forward to the bed.
‘‘I’m not Terry, its Sean.’’ He said. He was right next to my bed, holding onto my hand.
‘‘Gavin! Help me, please!’’ My voice was frantic, I wanted to desperately to hit him, hurt him like he had done to me, but I felt frozen. Gavin rushed in the room and to my bedside.
‘‘What’s wrong?’’ He asked, glancing at me then Terry. ‘‘No one is going to hurt you, you’re safe now.’’ How could he say that? Why wasn’t he getting Terry away from me?
‘‘He’s right there, he’s going to hurt me when you leave, don’t leave me in here alone.’’ My voice was a small whisper. I didn’t want Terry to hear what I was saying.
‘‘Maddy, what are you talking about?’’ Gavin asked, clearly confused. I looked at him, then turned to look at the person still holding onto my hand.
‘‘Its me, not Terry.’’ Sean said. I could see that now. His blonde-almost silver hair-was fallen in his face, his hazel eyes looked completely worn out and the expression on his face wouldn’t change from worry.
‘‘But…it wasn’t you…Terry…what’s wrong with me?’’ I dropped my head into my hands and began to cry hysterically, no amount of consoling could have helped.
‘‘What’s happened?’’ I heard a doctor ask and I lifted my head to see a man, around mid forties, clutching a clipboard and push his glasses up his nose.
‘‘She just had another one of her hallucinations again.’’ Sean told him, holding my hand again.
‘‘Another? How many have you had?’’ He asked me.
I looked between Sean and Gavin to help me out with that one…because I wasn’t actually sure.
‘‘Not many, this was probably the third or forth.’’ Gavin replied.
‘‘My old doctor said I was going through stress and lack of sleep, that’s probably the cause of them.’’ I chipped in, trying to calm myself down. He didn’t look too convinced. He stepped back outside and my parents came into view. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I knew it wasn’t good since my mum clasped her hand over her mouth. I felt my stomach churning and I held Sean’s hand tighter.
‘‘What’s he saying?’’ I asked Sean. But he just shrugged. The doctor came back in the room with my parents, my mum needed to hold onto my dads arm for support. It couldn’t have been that bad.
‘‘I’ve been discussing with your parents about what could be causing your hallucinations because they aren’t always down to stress. There are much more serious causes that should be checked out.’’ The doctor explained.
‘‘Which are?’’ I asked him worried about his answer.
‘‘Brain tumours can cause them, so I’d like to run some tests, do a brain scan, make sure you’re clear. Would that be ok?’’ He asked.
I wanted to say no, purely because I was scared the results would come back and tell me I had a tumour, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from saying yes. The next hour consisted of my family and friends telling me it would be fine, and that it would all come back negative and that there would be nothing to worry about, but it was me they were trying to convince of that, not some positive, optimistic soul.