My Thorn And My Rose

A few weeks had actually passed and I remembered nothing. Gavin had introduced me to his friends, and my once boyfriend, Sean. We had both decided that, since I didn’t know who he was, we would stop going out. I could see the disappointment on his face when we agreed to it, but we knew it would be best. I mean, what would be the point in loving someone when she didn’t know who you were?
My parents had showed me old photos, recent photos, home made videos. Gavin told me all about his band and how he had been on tour and I had went with him. He also told me about an argument we’d had a few days after we were back. It upset me to hear about, because from what he told me, I sounded like a horrible person. I was half glad I didn’t remember.
I had had a lot more pain in my head, I could still see outlines of people and scenes were running through my head that I couldn’t remember. My parents had explained my stomach wound to me and how I’d gotten it, which then led onto how I’d met Terry in the first place. They told me about Sam, and what losing him had done to me, but it was still a total fail. Nothing clicked inside which made me remember anything. My parents were at work and Gavin was downstairs with his friends. No one wanted to leave me alone in case something happened to me, or in case I remembered something.
Then something sort of jumped forward in my memory.
I remembered thinking about how I didn’t want to be a burden, and how I was sick of people worrying about me, and that’s what they were doing. I remembered that I had gotten away from them so they didn’t have to look after me, and it was happening anyway.
Another pain shot across my head. I didn’t know what was causing them, but they seemed to be helping. I clutched my head, not making any noise in case Gavin came up the stairs and stopped my memories coming back. Everything happened so fast. It was like little snippets from a movie. I could see me with a blonde man, we were happy and smiling, the next, another man with darker hair was in front of him, the next I was crying over the blonde mans body, both of us covered in blood. I could see me crying on my bed, then people trying to help me. I could see my parents waving me off as I got in a car with Gavin. After that, it was a blur of the tour I had went on. There was moments of anger, happiness, fighting and haircutting…for some reason. The pain in my head grew worse but I was remembering it all. I was starting to remember my life, who I was. It flashed back to when I was younger, I saw me in a park, at a school, with friends.
I knew who I was. I knew where I was. I knew that I loved Sean, and that Sam had gone and wasn’t coming back. I knew at that point I had to change, and stop hurting Sean like I had been doing.
‘‘Sean!’’ I yelled. I darted out of my room and to the stairs in my house. ‘‘Sean!’’ I yelled again, I reached the top of the stairs and he was there, standing at the bottom, smiling up at me.
‘‘You remember?’’ He asked me, happiness in his tone. I nodded frantically. I started down the stairs and Sean made his way up. I wrapped my arms around him, pushing my lips forcefully to his.
‘‘I love you, and I promise, I’m not going to hurt you anymore.’’ I told him. I looked over his shoulder to see Gavin beaming up at us.
‘‘Do you know who I am?’’ He asked me, like he had done when I first came home.
‘‘My big brother.’’ I smiled and walked down the rest of the stairs to hug him. ‘‘Where’s my best friend?’’ I asked, meaning Matthew. He pushed past Rhys and James and came into view. I held my arms out and he ran into me.
‘‘I’m so glad you remember me.’’ He said, relief in his voice. I breathed heavily, happy I knew what was going on. I didn’t like not being able to remember.
‘‘I just have one more thing to say.’’ I said as I pulled away from Matthew. I turned to look at Sean who was now stood at the bottom of the stairs. ‘‘Next time I ask you to say goodbye to me, remind me I’ll be fine.’’ I smiled and walked over to him again, wrapping his arms around his neck. ‘‘You’re such a stubborn boy, but I love you anyway.’’ I told Sean.
‘‘I know you do.’’ He grinned. He leant down and pecked my lips. ‘‘But you are also stubborn, thinking you’re going to die, not taking ‘you’re going to be fine’ for an answer.’’
‘‘Well, I learnt from the best.’’ I grinned like he did. I then pushed my lips once again to his, almost forgetting we were surrounded by my brother and his friends.
I heard a cough from behind me and I pulled away from Sean. Gavin stood there, a slight smirk on his face. ‘‘Mum and dad will want to know you remember who they are. Call them.’’ He told me, handing me the phone. I took it from him and began to dial my mums number first. I told her the news, which caused her to scream down the phone in excitement, then I called my dad. He had a much calmer reaction but they both decided they were going to come home and see me. Sean and I sat in my garden, swinging on the hanging chair that was fixed to the porch. He had his arm draped over my shoulder and my legs were propped up over his.
‘‘I’ve never been so happy to be able to remember my past before.’’ I told him. ‘‘Its not nice, not knowing who you are, or who your family is or who you love.’’ He tangled our fingers together and kissed the top of my cheekbone.
‘‘I thought for a long moment, you were going to forget who I was altogether. I thought ‘well, I’ve lost her. And I’m not going to find anyone quite like her again’ but you didn’t, you pulled through.’’ I could hear his sigh of relief.
‘‘No matter how long it took me, I was always going to try and remember who you were. I’m just glad it didn’t take a life time.’’ He kissed my cheekbone again when I finished speaking. We sat in a comfortable silence, rocking gently. If I was only allowed the one memory back, it would be the present one. Sean and I. Its all I wanted, all I really needed. Sam was once part of me, but losing my memory of him showed, he couldn’t have been everything to me if he didn’t stay. That showed to me I had to move on and live. Because it was Sean that really mattered to me, and he always would.

Everyone has a thorn and a rose. Sam is my thorn and Sean is my rose. The thorn is the one that was once there, who you loved with everything you had, but when its gone and you cant have it back, it starts to become everything you do want, it becomes irritating and painful.
Having a rose, takes that pain away, because it makes you happy again, it makes you want to move on and look after it so it doesn’t become that thorn. Sean is my everything now, and having him, well…its going to be just enough for me.