Forgotten

Caden slipped out of bed silently and grabbed his sketchpad and pencil from off of the dresser. He took a seat on the plush rug and began to draw Jonathan who was sprawled out on the bed. His eyes darted between the paper and the live model before him.

He sat huddled over the sketchbook, filling in lines, darkening shadows, recreating smooth skin and firm muscle in black and white. More beautiful than I could have ever imagined, he thought to himself as he glanced at Jonathan again. He signed and dated his sketch and slipped back into bed, repositioning himself so that he was wrapped in Jon’s arms once more.

* * *

“I wish I didn’t have to go,” Jonathan said as he began to put his clothes back on.

“Then don’t,” Caden said simply. Jonathan rolled his eyes.

“I wish it was that easy. But don’t worry, the split second I turn eighteen I’m getting the fuck out of that house and getting my own place. Then you can come over and stay however long you want.” Caden grinned at the thought.

“Really?” he asked. Jonathan nodded and placed a sweet kiss on Cadey’s forehead.

“Really. Five more months. I’ve already started looking at prospective apartments.”

* * *

“You look… happy,” Melanie said curiously as she opened the door to let her son in.

“Yeah. I-I missed my friends so it was really good to see them,” Jonathan said with a smile as he walked inside. Melanie surveyed her son closely.

“Were you with a girl?” Her tone was half hopeful, half accusatory. Jonathan burst out laughing.

“No Mom, no girl. That’s really not anything you need to worry about,” Jon said firmly. Melanie nodded slowly, unsure of how to take her son’s answer. “I’m gonna go to my room,” and with that he ran upstairs and out of sight, leaving his mother standing there.

He closed the door and flopped down on his bed. It was strange, it no longer felt like home and Jonathan honestly didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He sighed and closed his eyes, remembering how just barely an hour ago he had held Caden’s delicate form against his own, skin to skin. A knock on the door broke him from his reverie.

“What is it?” he called.

“Can I come in?” Sarah asked softly. The slight tremble in her voice was what made Jonathan stand up and let her in. She closed the door behind her and looked into his face defiantly but didn’t speak. Jonathan waited expectantly.

“Did they really fix you?” she finally asked.

“What do you think?” he said flatly. Sarah’s eyes narrowed as she took a step closer.

“Did they really cure you or are you still a gay?” she pressed.

“Prodigal Home did everything it was supposed to,” he said vaguely. He gestured for her to sit down on the bed but she refused.

“So if they did their job it means that you’re normal now, right? You’re not a pervert anymore?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes but smirked. “Well, ‘pervert’ isn’t the term I’d use.” Sarah punched him in the arm.

“Come on, give me a straight answer!”

“Well that’s gonna be kinda hard, seeing as I’m gay.” It looked like Sarah’s fears had been confirmed.

“Oh God,” she muttered disgustedly. “You’re still a… Why didn’t you let them fix you?”

“There’s nothing to fix. I am who I am. And don’t worry, it’s not a disease that’s catching. My gayness isn’t gonna rub off on you or anything,” he told her plainly. He was surprised to see that her eyes seemed to be shining with tears. “Sarah, what’s going on?”

She shook her head and made to leave the room but Jon grabbed her by the arm. “I hate you. It’s your fault that I’m feeling like this!”

“Like what?” Jonathan asked earnestly. Sarah sniffled and stepped away from the door, glancing at it nervously as if she was afraid their parents would walk in at that very second. She punched the button on the doorknob to lock it and stepped away from the door. She moved over to the old oak dresser on the other side of the room and took a seat on it.

“All my other friends are crushing on boys in our class but I’m…”

“Look, whatever you have to tell me is confidential. Mom and Dad don’t need to know.” Sarah studied Jonathan’s face closely, judging whether or not to trust him.

“Anna.”

“Your best friend Anna?” Jon asked. Sarah nodded silently. “You think you have a crush on her?” She nodded again. “Does she know? Does she like you back?”

Sarah shook her head, “No one knows.” A tear slid down her cheek and onto her pale pink shirt. They both watched as it was absorbed by the fabric, making it a darker color.

“Have you ever had a crush on anyone else? Another girl or a boy?” he asked delicately.

“I-I… I don’t know. I mean, I can’t really think of a time when I was ever into a boy. But I’m not some freak. I don’t want to be a lesb-b… I don’t… I’m not,” she muttered.

“Whoa, Sarah, take a deep breath. Relax, okay?”

Sarah looked at him furiously, panic in her eyes. “Don’t tell me to relax! How am I supposed to relax when I might be a, a… a freak?!”

“Hate to break it to you, sis, but ‘gay’ and ‘freak’ aren’t synonymous,” Jonathan told her. He put a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off.

“Gays aren’t a part of God’s plan,” she whispered.

“Okay, I’m going to tell you a few very important things right now. Are you ready?” Jonathan asked. She rolled her eyes but nodded. “First off, we can’t presume to know God’s plan because we’re only human and therefore don’t have a clue about his true plan. Second, you need to calm down and not beat yourself up. If you are gay there’s nothing you can do about it. Third, you’re at the start of puberty, your hormones are going insane. Studies show that during this time it’s common to feel attracted to people in different ways than you’re used to.”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, a hint of hopefulness in her voice.

“The chemicals in your body aren’t functioning at regular levels right now so it’s not that shocking if you’re attracted to one or both sexes in a way that you haven’t been before. Sometimes these feelings are temporary and sometimes they’re not.”

“But I need to know! I need to know now! Jonathan, I can’t --”

“Sarah, stop! Please calm down and tell me more about the way you feel about Anna.” Sarah sighed and gave a small shrug. She opened her mouth only to close it again. Another tear slid down her cheek and before long her whole body was shaking with silent sobs. Jonathan pulled her off the dresser and into a hug.

“Shh. Sarah, it’s gonna be alright. I’m here for you, okay? Don’t worry.”