Starvation

A ring from the doorbell, and slowly I lift myself from the sofa, drawn out of my memories of what I had seen that night. My family, my sister and her husband, torn apart and their body parts scattered around the master bedroom.

Dean Walker and his partner stood on the doorstep, both shifting uncomfortably in their suits. Admittedly, they had both looked much more comfortable and better at the bar, in normal clothes.

“Miss Walsh, we need to ask you some more questions, I’m afraid.” James’ eyes were wide with concern and kindness, and without a word I stepped back and let them in.

“Coffee?” I offered, glancing at them as they looked each other.

“No, thanks.” Walker muttered, before letting out a deep sigh. He ran a hand through his mop of dark blond hair and fixed his gaze on mine. “How well did you know Daniel Scatter?”

“Danny?” I found my fingers clutching the edge of the sofa. “Why?”

“You’d better sit down.” James gestured to the sofa, and slowly I edged onto it, staring hard at them.

“What’s happened to Danny?” I asked, focusing my gaze on Dean.

“We...we found his body this morning.”

I felt like the floor had dropped away from me, a wrenching grief filled my stomach and I buried my head in my hands, elbows digging into my knees and fixing my eyes on the floor, allowing the sobs to rock my body.

I felt a strong arm around my shoulders, and suddenly my face was hidden in a clean jacket, my tears soaking Dean’s shirt.

Minutes later – though it felt like an hour – I pulled away and angrily staggered to my feet. Roughly I wiped away my tears and stared hard at the pair, my body still shaking as I struggled to withhold my sobs. “It was like Susie, wasn’t it?”

Their silence was all the answer I needed.

Danny had been my high school sweetheart, is that what you wanted to know? He had been my first proper boyfriend, and we had fun. Movies, diners, all that kind of cheesy date stuff. Fooling around in his bedroom when his parents were away.

It ended between us when I fell pregnant, at the sweet age of 17. He’d wanted me to keep the child, said we’d make it work between us. He’d get a job, work hard. But of course I had my whole future ahead of me. I didn’t want to be tied down.

College and a career, that’s what I wanted then.

So I got an abortion, and the arguments and fights started. My parents were shocked when we split up – they practically saw Danny as a son. I went off to college, dropped out when my parents died in a car crash. Danny and Susie were there for me when that happened, though by then Danny was seeing someone else. I didn’t mind, I was glad he’d moved on and happy to see him with her. He was happy, and those feelings from when we were teenagers were gone.

He helped me get the job at the bar, helped me through it.

He was there for me when Susie died.

And now you’re telling me he’s gone?

The two most important people in the world to me, and they’re gone.

Did you know he had a son, Dean?

I wonder how she’s coping, now looking after the two year old toddler. Is she now explaining to him that daddy won’t be coming back, that he’s gone forever?

Again that feeling as I crawled into bed that night, that hungry, hollow feeling. I needed to eat, but I’d already had a full dinner barely two hours ago. Danny’s death still burned in my mind, the sight of his body ripped, torn like my sister’s covered my sight as I closed my eyes.

Dean....I needed to see Dean.

That much I knew.

Not now though, now I needed to sleep, needed to force myself to push away thoughts of death and pain and give in to the weary ache that had settled over my body.

Dean Winchester...stupid boy. Stupid hunter. Unable to see what was right in front of you.

Even your brother did not realise. Your brother did not link them together. But it is not Sam I want. It’s you.

The smell was almost overpowering when you held her, your smell, the fragrance of sweat and beer mixed with something else, something deeper that cried out. Being near you was almost enough, being away from you was hell; I couldn’t even taste your aura. It has grown too much for me – I dragged myself to the two places that held the strongest feeling deep within her.

The death of her sister was to draw you here and satisfy the hunger until you arrived. The death of her friend was because I knew it was taking too long, because I could barely last until I managed to corner you.

Now I stand, having forced her out of her home, outside the motel where you are staying. I can see the light on, can see your brother as he moves around and inside her heart is beating, thumping, but nothing can overpower this.

I am so very hungry, Dean Winchester. Starving in fact. I am slowly destroying her from the inside in my struggle to get to you. But you can never refuse a pretty face.

He’s leaving Dean, he’s going to leave you alone.

I watch as he opens the door and steps into the night. I think I know where he is going, though he will not tell you. He said he was going to Danny’s house, didn’t he? But he’s going to her place, her flat, he’s going to look around for clues there.

I almost bound across the parking lot, reaching the door.

The hunger’s growing Dean. It’s driving me forward as I knock on the door...

Pain...

So much pain...

What’s going on? As you open the door I can feel her fighting, feel myself fading.

I’m so close Dean, I can smell you, almost taste you...

What am I doing here Dean? How did I get here?

My body aches, I feel tired and hungry and confused. I didn’t even know where you were staying, so how have I stumbled upon this motel, upon your door?

You look just as confused as I do as you stare at me.

“Paige?”

What can I say? I was sleepwalking? Maybe it’s the truth but it sounds stupid, strange, even to me.

“I...needed to talk to you?” Even I can hear the question in my voice, testing the words as they leave my mouth.

“Of course.”

You step backwards and I find myself walking forward slowly, stiffly, as if I really had just woken up.

Passing by a mirror I catch myself in the reflection and feel like cursing myself for appearing like this – dishevelled with bloodshot eyes. Do you think I’m crazy Dean? Because I’m starting to feel like I am.

Thinking of something to say, I quickly mutter “have you found anything?”

“Maybe. Sam’s gone to check.”

“Sam?”

“My bro...partner. Detective James.”

“Of course.”

I caught the start, that half-a-word. Your brother? So I was right then Dean, was I? Your gruff voice, asking if I want a drink, brings me out of my thoughts.

“Why are you really here Paige?”

And here I tell the truth. Here I stare at you with wide, scared eyes, biting my bottom lip. “I don’t know.”

Her strength wavers, moves up and down and finally I get back through. You can sense the change as she finishes her sentence, you see her back straighten and her head lift up. But you don’t look where you should, you don’t study her eyes and your usual guard, suspicion has gone.

You think you have nothing to fear from this small town girl, don’t you Dean?

Your mistake.

As you turn your back I – she – rise, and move forward, towards you and the small kitchenette. The smell grows stronger, and the pair of us combine, the feelings fighting for power. Her desire, her lust, mixes with my hunger. I can’t help but grin to myself as my hands reach out and rest on your shoulders.

“Dean Winchester...”

“Bitch.”

He elbows Paige, sending her reeling backwards until she falls on the floor, sprawled on her back and staring up at him with deep black eyes. Fear sparks in them as he withdraws a gun, pointing it directly at her forehead. He growls, deep in his throat, as the door opens and in steps Sam, his own gun directed at the girl on the floor.

“What the...”

“Told you.” Sam mutters, stepping further into the room and looking at Paige, clicking his tongue.

“Think we hadn’t worked you out?”

So you did know...

Or have you just realised?

Staring at the gun I have not seen it, and it’s only when Sam looks upwards that I follow his gaze.

“You bastards.” I hiss, looking at the white markings up there. I should have known, should have looked. After all, isn’t this how you trapped my brothers and sisters?

I go for an old trick. I sob and scream.

“Please just let me go. I won’t hurt you Dean, I promise.”

“Shut up.” The anger and hatred in your voice makes me wince – me, or her? We’re locked together now, and I can feel her struggling to come to the surface.

It starts, and I writhe and scream in pain.

Then, suddenly, a release; the pain is gone, as is the hunger.

Oh well, it’ll come back. I’m sure it will. Starved for too long and I’ll fight my way out, I’ll struggle to the surface and then, then I’ll get my fill.

I gasp as if drawing breath after being underwater, and there you are at my side, lifting me up. My knees are shaking and my body hurts, and I look at Sam as he runs a hand through his head. Panic floods me when I see the gun, and I notice you’re carrying one too.

Leaping backwards I stare wildly around the room.

“It’s Ok.” Sam holds his hands up, placing the gun down.

“What happened?” My eyes wonder to the ceiling and I swear, see you give me a wry grin and realise that I feel....normal. My heart rate is normal and my knees are regaining feeling. “It’s gone.”

“What’s gone?” You ask, and I shake my head.

The desire, the lust, the love...whatever it was, the hollow feeling, the hunger and everything? The feeling that I’m starving because I’m not with you?

That’s gone.

“Nothing.” I mutter, and see you relax, casting a strange glance at your brother.

I laugh out loud and simply grin at your confused expression.