The Hardest Mission in The History of Shinobi

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Akatsuki characters in this fic. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

The Meeting

Akatsuki, an organization consisted of nine S-Ranked Criminals, who were now gathering at the cave in the River Country, where they usually used to summon the gigantic King of Hell statue to begin the extraction of the Jinchuuriki demons. But this time, it was used for a diferrent purpose. A very different purpose.

The members of Akatsuki had never assembled in a meeting together without having one or two of the members missing from their place and used a hologram jutsu to replace their attendance instead. They hadn't, until now. The nine of them; Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu, Konan, and Pain were all present in the cave, yes, even the leader was there. The members couldn't help but to wonder, what kind of mission did their leader have in mind. It had to be the most difficult mission in the history of Akatsuki if the 9 of them had to gather here together, or so they thought.

"It's good to see that you've all managed to attend this important meeting." The leader began, taking a step out of the shadow so that his appearance was visible to everyone else inside the cave. "There's a new mission that has to be accomplished by the end of today. Or should I say, this evening."

The members were silent, waiting for him to continue. "Anyone knows what day is tomorrow?" he asked, and one of his subordinates raised a hand. "Yes, Kakuzu?"

"It's the official paycheck- acquisition day." The masked man answered, vision of money could be clearly seen through his white pupil less eyes.

The leader shook his head slowly. "Incorrect. And I believe there's no such thing as 'Official Paycheck-Acquisition' day." He said, looking at Kakuzu's disappointed face. "Anyone else?"

A certain blonde raised his hand. "Deidara?"

"Hmm... it's the 18th Annual Kids Free Fishing Day?" he answered bluntly.

"HEY!" yelled the person next to him. "How dare you insult my pride in front of leader-sama!" Kisame, the man with the shark-like face scowled, pointing his finger at the sweatdropping Blonde.

"Eh hehe... gomen, hmm. I forgot that you are a fish." Deidara defended himself while giving the sharkman a nervous grin.

Pain shook his head once again, trying to refrain himself from getting mental. "Another incorrect answer." He muttered darkly. "Does anyone elso know- Yes, Itachi?"

The Uchiha lowered his hand as he bored his sharingans into the leader's intimidating Rinnegans. They both had a staring contest for a moment, making the other members gulped in solicitude, before finally answering the question. "Tomorrow is going to be the day when my little brother will finally arrive here to get his revenge. Tears and blood will be spilled by the time of his arrival. The battle between us, Uchihas, will be unavoidable, and that is why you've decided to gather all of us here; to prevent your pathetic selves from getting murdered in the middle of our fight."

Kisame took a step back from his partner, not wanting to get too close to him. The other members were giving Itachi weird stares, but they quickly looked away as soon as Itachi glared at them.

"That's really fucking poetic, Itachi. But I don't think your fucking brother even has a fucking gut to face you here by tomorrow morning, so stop talking about shits like that!" the silver-haired member said, gibing on Itachi's dark opinions. "Besides, everyone knows that tomorrow is Lord Jashin's Bloody Ritual Day!"

"No way, hmm! I'm sure that it's the 18th Annual Kids Free Fishing Day!"

"No... It's the official Paycheck-Acquisition day!"

"It's Lord Jashin's Fuckin' Bloody ritual day!"

"It's my birthday!" Everyone's gazes immediately turned toward the giant living Venus-flying trap, knowing that the guy didn't even know about the names of the7 days in a week. "Well, at least I tried..." he said, shrugging uncomfortably under their glares.

The leader exhaled heavily, feeling a bit tired of hearing the members arguing with one another. He only wanted a peaceful meeting, so that it would reduce his pain a bit. But no, all he got was to hear those stupid imbeciles yelling about some stupid occasions that didn't even exist!

"It's Thanksgiving Day." Konan interrupted, making all the members, including Pain himself, stopped what they were doing and glanced at the woman's direction.

Oh how Pain wished to choke his purple-haired friend out of happiness right now. It wasn't a mistake to choose her as his partner in this organization full of imbeciles and psychotic-harebrained members. He mentally noted himself to dismiss the organization once he had fulfilled his dream to bring peace to the world.

"What's a Thanksgiving?"

Pain froze on his spot, his euphoria faded almost immediately when he heard the question that was not supposed to be questioned at the time when questionings were not about to be tolerated by the ones who were questioned by the certain questioner.

"I can't believe you actually know about the 'Annual Fish Free... whatever that is' -day, but completely unfamiliar with Thanksgiving day." the red-headed puppeteer finally spoke, rolling his eyes at his blond partner who was pouting childishly at him.

"Well sorry to disappoint you, Danna, but I've never heard anything about that weird day back when I was in Iwagakure..." he uttered, making the other members sighed heavily at his stubbornness and his lack of knowledge.

Pain was trying so hard not to pull his orange hair off his head. "The pain... the pain of having such a stupid member... it... hurts..." he cursed under his breath, making all of his subordinates strode back, afraid of the imminence that would occur if they let another pellet of annoyance slipped inside their leader's mind at the current time.

"Konan, just... define the word for him, please..." the pierced-face man struggled under his unbalanced emotion.

The woman merely nodded, taking a piece of paper from her skin, and began to read loudly. "Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day, is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many pe-"

"Wrong description, Konan..." her childhood friend corrected, shaking his head in desperation.

"Oh, right. Forgive me." Konan replied rather sheepishly, reaching for another paper inside her origamic flesh. "Here it is. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving recipes: a variety of recipes for your holiday meal, from side dishes to desserts... wait, this is not it."

"Ooo, that's mine!" the shark-man exclaimed, snatching the paper away from Konan's hand. "I've been looking allover for this. Thanks for finding it, Konan-san!" he grinned at her.

The woman raised an eyebrow at him, not expecting that the pink and feminine looking paper actually belonged to the... incapable-of-cooking- looking fish. "... no... problem..." she answered, not wanting to continue a conversation with the talking animal any further. She reached inside her body once again and took out a green paper out of it. But before she could even take a look at it, Kakuzu had already snatched it away from her hand.

"My money." He said menacingly, rubbing the smooth-textured paper onto his masked cheek. "MINE AND MINE ONLY..." he trailed off, making the gang twitched their eyes at his creepy obsession.

Konan didn't even bother to give a reply, as she stuck her hand inside her arm and other parts of her body, trying hard to find the right paper which held the description of the Thanksgiving Day on it.

"Hey, this the sketch that I've drawn when I was in kindergarten!"

"This is the fucking pages of my brand new Lord Jashin's Holy Bible!"

"Look! I've just found one of my greatest Yu Gi Oh trading cards!" (I wonder who said that... o_o;)

"This is one of my favorite pictures of Edward and Jasper Cullen!" everyone immediately stopped talking and averted their gazes toward Zetsu's direction, who was holding a photo of a certain pale man in delight. He stopped smiling as he noticed the weird stares that everyone was giving him.

"Well, I... happen to like... vampires..." he reasoned quietly while pocketing the paper inside his cloak.

After a long moment of silence, which was caused by the shocking fact that the most mysterious member of the Great Akatsuki was actually a fan of Twilight (whatever that is, they thought), it was finally broken when Konan had finally found the paper that she had been looking for.

"Here it is. Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November, which is tomorrow." The woman added. "It is often celebrated by eating turkey together with families, friends, and other close relatives. Why must it be a turkey? Because, of all the Thanksgiving symbols the Turkey has become the most well known. The history of Thanksgiving. The first recorded Thanksgiving ceremony took place on September 8..." she stopped reading when she realized that the next page was apparently missing. The last thing she wanted to do is to have another search for the cursed page inside her body—well, half of her body, since her left origamic arm and right origamic leg were already scattered on the stoned floor.

"The rest of the history is... well... history." She lied, still keeping her straight face while sticking the paper back inside her stomach.

"Thank you, Konan." The leader said, secretly sweatdropping when she spotted Konan crossing her fingers behind her back. "Well then, now that you've all understood the meaning of Thanksgiving Day and the date of the occasion, I shall tell you what your mission is. No, scratch that—I shall tell you what our mission is."

HHAAAH...!

They all gasped.

Repeat, they all gasped.

Gasped.

Gasped?

Yes, gasped. The S-ranked criminals of the Akatsuki had actually gasped in unison, inhaling like a bunch of señoras who had just found out the positive results of their pregnancy tests. Yes, even the mighty Itachi had let out a little gasp. A gasp of shock. Total surprise.

Seriously, their leader? In a mission with them? Literally???

This mission has got to be the hardest one in the history of shinobi.

"So... what is this mission all about, leader-sama? Hmm?" Deidara asked, eyeing the leader with his visible right eye.

Pain was silent for a moment, before taking a step forward and finally saying, "Our mission is..."