Fly Away With Me

My science teacher comes to the classroom and opens the door just as Lucien runs up to the class. We all forward in quietly. I once again take my seat in the back row. Lucien sits next to me and I groan. He just smiles at me. We begin the lesson. I have a feeling this is going to be a torturous double lesson.
“You dropped your pencil” Lucien tells me laying my pencil on my page.
“Thanks” I say quietly as I slip it into my pocket.
The teacher rattles on about climate change, which is now the reason for everything. So many people use global warming as an excuse or explanation for different things. Well rain falls from the sky, because of global warming. Fire is hot, because of global warming. A girl fell over, because of global warming. Lucien nudges my elbow pulling me out of my mental rant.
“Lillian?” The teacher asks and the whole class has turned to face me.
He asked a question? My eyes dart to the board looking for the question but it has been wiped clean.
“Global warming?” I reply unsure.
“Correct” He says before continuing the lesson.
See, I told you it’s the answer to everything.

“I’m sorry for being so nosy” Lucien apologies out of the blue.
My head shoots up and I look at him. He has his head down and is finishing the question from the textbook.
“What?” I ask shocked, a slightly too loud.
“Is there a problem Miss Bowman?” The teacher asks me.
“No” I reply shaking my head and get back to my work.
“I am sorry for being so nosy today” Lucien repeats himself.
“Oh, okay” I say still slightly confused “What suddenly made you apologise?”
“Just that I would like to get to know you better and I think I started on the wrong foot” He replies slowly at first before letting the rest come out all in one breath.
“Well I appreciate it but I don’t want any friends” I reply acting cold and moving away as far as I can while remaining in the same seat.
I really want to have a friend. He seems so nice. No! I won’t make the same mistake. I can’t let it happen again. But maybe I could actually get it right this time. No! While I wage war with myself Lucien remains quiet. Just look how rejected he is, you’d hate to be like that. Turn around apologise and agree to get to know him better. The alluring voice whispers to me to just say sorry and that I could have a friend but I force it to the back of my head. There is no way I can win this and remain calm. If I want to silence that voice all I have to do is unblock the memories of Nick and Evelyn but then I will no doubt break down in tears. Just thinking their name makes my heart break and my stomach churn. I duck my head down as I wipe away the tear that had begun to creep down my cheek.
“You alright?” Lucien whispers concerned.
I try to answer yes but some unruly part of me makes me shake my head no. He raises his hand and asks if he take me to the sick bay because I feel sick. The teacher agrees after a pause and Lucien takes me outside the classroom. This is terrible. I’m trying to find ways to get away from him, not feel as if I owe him a favour. We go down the corridor and he brings me to a brick wall.
“Sit” He tells me and I do.
All I’m concentrating on is keeping the tears from cascading down my cheeks. I don’t need to fall apart in front of him. Aren’t I past this point? Did I even check that the corridor was safe? My head shoots up and I look both ways down the corridor. All safe, just as expected but it’s better to be safe rather than sorry.
“What’s wrong?” Lucien asks sitting next to me.
I shake my head.
“Nothing” I reply managing the best smile I can.
He just frowns. I guess the smile wasn’t that convincing.
“I said sorry and I said that I wanted to get to know you better then you moved away as if I hadn’t showered in a week” He recounts “What is wrong with making a friend?”
I don’t want to reply. What can I say? I am too dangerous? No that is cliché and stupid. I don’t deserve to have friends? No, it is used too often. My friends don’t survive? No that would just get him intrigued then I would have to say what happened.
“I just can’t have friends” I say.
“Yes you can, why wouldn’t you be able to?” He asks wrapping a comforting arm around me.
I want to shift away but he is so kind and warm. Why won’t I stop giving him hope?! Reluctantly I pull away.
“I just, well, you see, I just” I trail off unable to find what to say.
How do you tell someone that you are the reason your friends are no longer alive? That thought sends tears flowing. He pulls me closer and I cry into his shoulder quietly. Why am I still so weak? He rubs my back. Why is he so caring? I have known him for less then two hours.
“It okay, shh” He says softly.
How will I be able to turn my back on him after he has been so kind? Why is he so kind? Maybe it’s a trap. That thought makes me reel back quickly. He is caught off guard as I leap away from him and point an accusing finger.
“It’s just a ploy, he has found me” I say shaking as I back away “You’re just acting, all you want to do is drive the final blade through my chest”
He is absolutely dumbfounded or is at least acting that way.
“Lillian, what are you talking about? Who is ‘he’?” He asks confused.
“ He set this all up, this is just to punish me further” I say shaking badly as I back away until my back hits a wall.
“No one is punishing you, I don’t want to hurt you” Lucien says standing up.
He is looking at me as if I am insane. Maybe I am. I edge to the side just wanting to get out from the building. All I need to do is get out from under the roof then I can spread my wings and escape. Then do what? Go back to Sophia? She won’t help me, she would probably do the deed herself. Where can I go? I have nothing. No one will help me. What’s the point to just keep living when I have nothing? I drop down to my knees giving up.
“Make it quick” I plead “I won’t run any longer”
Lucien is frozen shocked. I guess he didn’t think I would give in so easily.
“Just kill me, I don’t want to be another of his experiments” I plead
“Lillian I have no idea what you are talking about, I don’t want to hurt you” Lucien says coming towards me.
When will he pull out the knife to finish me off? What will I find after death?
“No one wants to kill you” He says slowly in a calm voice.
He kneels down in front of me and I close my eyes waiting for the pain.

I remember feeling the arrows pierce my arm and shoulder. All I was doing was escaping and he had only a bow and arrows left.

Tears pour from my eyes as the images play across the back of my eyelids.

My cloths had been drenched in Evelyn’s blood. She had been such a sweet girl. My knees had been scrapped as my mother pushed me out of the path of the bullet and she was killed instead. Nick had cried with Evelyn laying lifeless and bleeding in his lap. Nick had been such a funny guy and he could have been such an excellent soccer player. I could have shown myself and saved him. I was given the choice, reveal myself or Nick dies. But I was too scared to move. He had blown Nick’s brains out.

My body is shaking with sobs as tears pour faster and stronger.

My brother was dead on the couch. He had been dead all afternoon and no one was home when he died. He had died alone and too young. My mother had picked me and my friends up from the park. We had all arrived in the driveway at the same time as my dad. My mother had unlocked the door and we were greeted with the smell of death.

I fall onto my hands and knees sobbing. Lucien wraps his arms around me and I flinch waiting for death, it never comes.
“Shh” he says quietly “I had better get you home”
He helps me stand and I can’t stop crying. I got it wrong, he doesn’t have any idea what I am talking about. How can I explain this? There is no way I can keep him out. There is no doubt he will be disgusted at me and scared of me. Who would not be disgusted with such a selfish person?
“Go into the bathroom and clean yourself up” Lucien tells me quietly “then come out and I can get you home”
I nod stumbling into the girls bathroom. It is empty. My face is a mess. My eyes are red and puffy from crying. Tears streak my cheek. My hand and knees are dirty from the ground. My hair is out of place. I wash my hands and my face.

I walk back out to Lucien looking slightly better. Nothing could fix my eyes and my hair is hardly better.
“Do you want to go home?” he asks me.
I shake my head. Home? What home? I live in a house but it is hardly home. Although it is tempting to curl up in bed with a box of tissues and Alex purring softly. Is it healthy to talk to a cat as if it is human? Well I do and I’m not too insane, am I?
“Are you sure? I doubt that school means this much to you” He asks me.
“I just need to calm down” I reply.
Lucien has led us to the spot I was sitting at during morning tea. He sits down and I follow suit. We sit in silence and I keep my eyes on the ground. My breathing is still slightly hitched with incessant sobs.
“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” Lucien asks
“I don’t think I do” I mumble.
“You don’t think?” Lucien repeats.
I nod.
“What if I say that I would like to know what caused your sudden break down?” He asks looking at me.
I groan.
“Do I have to tell you?” I ask still not raising my eyes from the ground.
“Yes” He tells me calmly.
I sigh then shake my head.
“I can’t, sorry” I stand up but he catches my hand.
“Yes you can” He tells me.
“Maybe I should go home” I say looking away from him.
I walk away leaving him sitting there.