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Episode 13: The Passover Seder Incident
[written by: ophelia_rising]
(Gerard is 9 and Mikey is 6. The Way family has been invited to a Passover Seder with friends of the family.)
Mikey (yelling): NO!! I want to ring the doorbell!! Mommy!
Donna: Gerard, let your brother ring the doorbell.
Gerard: Fine, baby.
(Mikey sticks his tongue out at Gerard)
Donna: Now, you boys be on your best behavior tonight. This is a very important night for our friends. It’s a very special holiday.
Gerard (tugging at his tie): Did we have to wear these stupid suits?
Donna: Gerard…
Mikey: Mommy, what’s a cedar?
Gerard: It’s a seder, weasel. It’ll be fun. They’ll cut you up and drink your blood.
Mikey: Mommy, I wanna go home!!
Donna: GERARD WAY! Don’t tell your brother that! Don’t believe him, Mikey. No one will hurt you here. You’ll like it.
Gerard: Yeah, they will. They'll love drinking your blood. Yummy!
(Donna glares at Gerard)
Donna: Go on, ring the doorbell.
(Mikey rings the doorbell. After a few moments, the door opens)
Donna: Hi, Sarah! So glad to see you tonight. These are my boys, Gerard and Michael. Say hi, boys.
Mikey: Hi!
Gerard: Whatever.
Sarah: Come on in. We’re almost ready to begin.
(later, as everyone is seated, the rabbi begins to chant the blessing)
Rabbi: Baruch ata Adonai, melech ha-olam…
(Gerard snickers)
Donna (whispering): Gerard!
(Gerard stops, then starts again)
Donna: Gerard, stop.
Gerard (interrupting the rabbi’s blessing): I can’t help it! He sounds so funny!
Donna: Gerard Arthur Way! (to everyone else) I’m so sorry. Please continue.
(rabbi continues as Gerard tries to keep from laughing, Mikey plays with his silverware, and Donna blushes, embarrassed.)
(later still, during the part where the horseradish is eaten)
Rabbi: And now, this is the part where we eat the horseradish to remember the bitterness of our captivity.
Mikey (sniffing the horseradish): Do we have to?
Gerard: Eat it.
Mikey: No, it’s icky.
Gerard (shoving his horseradish root in Mikey’s mouth): EAT IT!!
Mikey: NO! YUCKY! (spits it out) MOM!!
Donna: Stop it, boys!
Gerard: Mikey started it.
(Donna sighs)
Donna: If you boys pull one more stunt at this seder, I will call Grandma Elena to pick you guys up. Is that clear?
Mikey: Yes, mom.
Gerard: Crystal.
Donna: Please, continue.
(later on, after dinner)
Sarah: Now what I want you boys to do is find the afikomen. I’ve hidden it somewhere in this house, but not in any of the bedrooms. Now you boys remember what it looks like, right?
Gerard: Yeah, that big cracker broken in half.
Sarah: Good, now go for it.
(Gerard and Mikey exit.)
Sarah: Those are some pretty energetic boys you have there.
Donna: I’m so sorry. They’re usually very well behaved.
Sarah: No problem. Since we have no kids of our own, it makes it fun. Thanks for bringing them.
(Gerard and Mikey are arguing in the other room)
Mikey: Gerard! I found it first!!
Sarah: Looks like they’ve found it.
Gerard: No, dinkweed! I found it first!
(They run in the dining room)
Mikey: Give it to me, Gerard! I want the $25!!
Gerard (holding the broken cracker over his head): Hahahahaha!!! It’s mine!! (runs away)
(Mikey runs after Gerard for a bit, trips over himself, and bumps his head on the coffee table in the living room. When he gets up, he has a huge bloody gash on his forehead.)
Gerard (munching on the matzo): Dude, cool!
Mikey (wailing): MOMMYYYYYY!!!! MOMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!
(Donna and Sarah run in the living room; Donna picks Mikey up.)
Donna: Sorry, Sarah. I have to take Mikey to the hospital. Come on, Gerard. Let’s go.
Sarah: It’s okay. Come back soon? Maybe for Hanukkah?
Donna: We might. Come on, boys.
Gerard: Bye, guys. I had fun today.
Donna: Let’s go, Gerard. You’re going to Grandma Elena’s.
Gerard: Cool! Do you think that that Elijah dude can come live with us? He was pretty awesome!
The End.
(Gerard is 9 and Mikey is 6. The Way family has been invited to a Passover Seder with friends of the family.)
Mikey (yelling): NO!! I want to ring the doorbell!! Mommy!
Donna: Gerard, let your brother ring the doorbell.
Gerard: Fine, baby.
(Mikey sticks his tongue out at Gerard)
Donna: Now, you boys be on your best behavior tonight. This is a very important night for our friends. It’s a very special holiday.
Gerard (tugging at his tie): Did we have to wear these stupid suits?
Donna: Gerard…
Mikey: Mommy, what’s a cedar?
Gerard: It’s a seder, weasel. It’ll be fun. They’ll cut you up and drink your blood.
Mikey: Mommy, I wanna go home!!
Donna: GERARD WAY! Don’t tell your brother that! Don’t believe him, Mikey. No one will hurt you here. You’ll like it.
Gerard: Yeah, they will. They'll love drinking your blood. Yummy!
(Donna glares at Gerard)
Donna: Go on, ring the doorbell.
(Mikey rings the doorbell. After a few moments, the door opens)
Donna: Hi, Sarah! So glad to see you tonight. These are my boys, Gerard and Michael. Say hi, boys.
Mikey: Hi!
Gerard: Whatever.
Sarah: Come on in. We’re almost ready to begin.
(later, as everyone is seated, the rabbi begins to chant the blessing)
Rabbi: Baruch ata Adonai, melech ha-olam…
(Gerard snickers)
Donna (whispering): Gerard!
(Gerard stops, then starts again)
Donna: Gerard, stop.
Gerard (interrupting the rabbi’s blessing): I can’t help it! He sounds so funny!
Donna: Gerard Arthur Way! (to everyone else) I’m so sorry. Please continue.
(rabbi continues as Gerard tries to keep from laughing, Mikey plays with his silverware, and Donna blushes, embarrassed.)
(later still, during the part where the horseradish is eaten)
Rabbi: And now, this is the part where we eat the horseradish to remember the bitterness of our captivity.
Mikey (sniffing the horseradish): Do we have to?
Gerard: Eat it.
Mikey: No, it’s icky.
Gerard (shoving his horseradish root in Mikey’s mouth): EAT IT!!
Mikey: NO! YUCKY! (spits it out) MOM!!
Donna: Stop it, boys!
Gerard: Mikey started it.
(Donna sighs)
Donna: If you boys pull one more stunt at this seder, I will call Grandma Elena to pick you guys up. Is that clear?
Mikey: Yes, mom.
Gerard: Crystal.
Donna: Please, continue.
(later on, after dinner)
Sarah: Now what I want you boys to do is find the afikomen. I’ve hidden it somewhere in this house, but not in any of the bedrooms. Now you boys remember what it looks like, right?
Gerard: Yeah, that big cracker broken in half.
Sarah: Good, now go for it.
(Gerard and Mikey exit.)
Sarah: Those are some pretty energetic boys you have there.
Donna: I’m so sorry. They’re usually very well behaved.
Sarah: No problem. Since we have no kids of our own, it makes it fun. Thanks for bringing them.
(Gerard and Mikey are arguing in the other room)
Mikey: Gerard! I found it first!!
Sarah: Looks like they’ve found it.
Gerard: No, dinkweed! I found it first!
(They run in the dining room)
Mikey: Give it to me, Gerard! I want the $25!!
Gerard (holding the broken cracker over his head): Hahahahaha!!! It’s mine!! (runs away)
(Mikey runs after Gerard for a bit, trips over himself, and bumps his head on the coffee table in the living room. When he gets up, he has a huge bloody gash on his forehead.)
Gerard (munching on the matzo): Dude, cool!
Mikey (wailing): MOMMYYYYYY!!!! MOMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!
(Donna and Sarah run in the living room; Donna picks Mikey up.)
Donna: Sorry, Sarah. I have to take Mikey to the hospital. Come on, Gerard. Let’s go.
Sarah: It’s okay. Come back soon? Maybe for Hanukkah?
Donna: We might. Come on, boys.
Gerard: Bye, guys. I had fun today.
Donna: Let’s go, Gerard. You’re going to Grandma Elena’s.
Gerard: Cool! Do you think that that Elijah dude can come live with us? He was pretty awesome!
The End.