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Episode 17: The Pet Fish Incident
(Mikey is 14, Gerard is 17, Ray is 17, Frank is 13)
<Mikey and Frank are playing Nintendo in the living room, Ray and Gerard are on the computer in the corner of the room.>
Frank: Die! Mikey, shoot him with your effing gun!
Mikey: I’m trying, Frank! (frantically presses buttons)
Gerard: Shut the f.uck up! (turns back to monitor) Okay, Toro. Tickets are fifty bucks each…I can borrow one of your t-shirts, so then I can make the money for the actual tickets…
Ray: But how are we going to come up with a hundred dollars?
Frank: No!!! Gack, you suck Mikey!
Gerard: The question is What Mikey sucks, Frank.
Mikey: Shut Up Gerard! (walks out of the room)
Ray: You could be nicer to him…
Gerard: I could…but then I wouldn’t be filling in the necessary requirements for being an older brother. (clicks back to the ticket information page)
Frank: (bounding over to the computer) Iron Maiden?! What the hell?
Ray: Hey, Iron Maiden kicks ass…(pushes Frank away)
Mikey: Gerard, have you seen Bubbles? (re-entering the room)
Gerard: Uh… (trails off, focusing on the screen)
Mikey: Gee…where’s my fish? (forcibly)
Gerard: I MAY have used him for an…*cough*…experiment…
Mikey: WHAT!? (running up to Gerard’s room)
Frank: What did you do to the fish?
Gerard: Electrical shock procedures on marine life.
Ray: YOU KILLED YOUR LITTLE BROTHER’S PET!?
Gerard: (absent-mindedly) Yeah, I guess so…better than killing him, I guess. (Mikey comes walking back into the room, carrying a smoking fish corpse)
Frank: Holy…shit.
Mikey: I can’t….believe…you KILLED him! (carefully wraps Bubbles in a cloth, placing him in a shoebox)
Gerard: Hey! My Converse came in that!
Ray: It’s the LEAST you can do Gerard! (angrily shoves him)
Frank: It’s alright, Mikes…we’ll get you a new fishie.
Mikey: (eyes widening) I miss Bubbles…
Frank: I know…but he’ll always be a part of you…as long as you keep him in your heart…
Gerard: For the love of Tim Burton! It was a f.ucking fish!
Ray: Gerard, you are getting in your f.ucking car, driving your brother to the pet store, and buying him a new fish!
Mikey: We’re supposed to watch the house while Grandma Elena is out-
Frank: Toro and me will do it…and we’ll bury Bubbles while you are gone…it’ll be easier that way Mikey. (puts his hands out for the box. Mikey hands it to him)
Mikey: Thanks, Frankie. (goes to pull on his shoes, while Gerard grabs his car keys)
<in the car>
Gerard: Look, I’m sorry about-
Mikey: Shut Up! Just get me a new fish. (stares straight ahead)
<in pet store>
Gerard: Woah! Get the piranha Mikes! (crouches down to look into a lower tank) Look at me! I’m a PIRANHA from the AMAZON!
Mikey: No. I want a goldfish. (scans the various tanks)
Gerard: But he’s got TEETH! (coos at the fish as it bangs into the glass, trying to attack his face)
Mikey: NO! (Gerard straightens up, frowning) I want…that one. (Gerard peers into the tank)
Gerard: The measly one with the gimpy fin?
Mikey: Yup! He’s special. ^_^ (asks for assistance, is soon holding the fish in a plastic bag)
Gerard: So, where are we gonna bury this one when he dies? (Mikey glares at him)
<back at the Way household>
Frank: Aw, he’s a cutie! What’s his name?
Mikey: I think I’ll call him…Ignatius the GimpyDwarf.
Ray: Erm, that’s an interesting name, Mikey.
Mikey: I love him already! (cuddles plastic bag)
Gerard: Okay, I got the bowl ready! (grabs fish from Mikey and pours it into the bowl)
Mikey: *GASP* NO! Gee! The temperature needs to adjust!
Gerard: Oops? (hastily stirs the water with his finger)
Ray: Poor Iggy…(tear runs down Mikey’s face as the fish starts frantically swimming around)
Frank: He’s a spazzy fishie! Like Me! (starts twitching, yelling loudly)
Gerard: Uh-oh…I think it’s- (Ignatius goes belly up)
Mikey: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<*the end*>
<Mikey and Frank are playing Nintendo in the living room, Ray and Gerard are on the computer in the corner of the room.>
Frank: Die! Mikey, shoot him with your effing gun!
Mikey: I’m trying, Frank! (frantically presses buttons)
Gerard: Shut the f.uck up! (turns back to monitor) Okay, Toro. Tickets are fifty bucks each…I can borrow one of your t-shirts, so then I can make the money for the actual tickets…
Ray: But how are we going to come up with a hundred dollars?
Frank: No!!! Gack, you suck Mikey!
Gerard: The question is What Mikey sucks, Frank.
Mikey: Shut Up Gerard! (walks out of the room)
Ray: You could be nicer to him…
Gerard: I could…but then I wouldn’t be filling in the necessary requirements for being an older brother. (clicks back to the ticket information page)
Frank: (bounding over to the computer) Iron Maiden?! What the hell?
Ray: Hey, Iron Maiden kicks ass…(pushes Frank away)
Mikey: Gerard, have you seen Bubbles? (re-entering the room)
Gerard: Uh… (trails off, focusing on the screen)
Mikey: Gee…where’s my fish? (forcibly)
Gerard: I MAY have used him for an…*cough*…experiment…
Mikey: WHAT!? (running up to Gerard’s room)
Frank: What did you do to the fish?
Gerard: Electrical shock procedures on marine life.
Ray: YOU KILLED YOUR LITTLE BROTHER’S PET!?
Gerard: (absent-mindedly) Yeah, I guess so…better than killing him, I guess. (Mikey comes walking back into the room, carrying a smoking fish corpse)
Frank: Holy…shit.
Mikey: I can’t….believe…you KILLED him! (carefully wraps Bubbles in a cloth, placing him in a shoebox)
Gerard: Hey! My Converse came in that!
Ray: It’s the LEAST you can do Gerard! (angrily shoves him)
Frank: It’s alright, Mikes…we’ll get you a new fishie.
Mikey: (eyes widening) I miss Bubbles…
Frank: I know…but he’ll always be a part of you…as long as you keep him in your heart…
Gerard: For the love of Tim Burton! It was a f.ucking fish!
Ray: Gerard, you are getting in your f.ucking car, driving your brother to the pet store, and buying him a new fish!
Mikey: We’re supposed to watch the house while Grandma Elena is out-
Frank: Toro and me will do it…and we’ll bury Bubbles while you are gone…it’ll be easier that way Mikey. (puts his hands out for the box. Mikey hands it to him)
Mikey: Thanks, Frankie. (goes to pull on his shoes, while Gerard grabs his car keys)
<in the car>
Gerard: Look, I’m sorry about-
Mikey: Shut Up! Just get me a new fish. (stares straight ahead)
<in pet store>
Gerard: Woah! Get the piranha Mikes! (crouches down to look into a lower tank) Look at me! I’m a PIRANHA from the AMAZON!
Mikey: No. I want a goldfish. (scans the various tanks)
Gerard: But he’s got TEETH! (coos at the fish as it bangs into the glass, trying to attack his face)
Mikey: NO! (Gerard straightens up, frowning) I want…that one. (Gerard peers into the tank)
Gerard: The measly one with the gimpy fin?
Mikey: Yup! He’s special. ^_^ (asks for assistance, is soon holding the fish in a plastic bag)
Gerard: So, where are we gonna bury this one when he dies? (Mikey glares at him)
<back at the Way household>
Frank: Aw, he’s a cutie! What’s his name?
Mikey: I think I’ll call him…Ignatius the GimpyDwarf.
Ray: Erm, that’s an interesting name, Mikey.
Mikey: I love him already! (cuddles plastic bag)
Gerard: Okay, I got the bowl ready! (grabs fish from Mikey and pours it into the bowl)
Mikey: *GASP* NO! Gee! The temperature needs to adjust!
Gerard: Oops? (hastily stirs the water with his finger)
Ray: Poor Iggy…(tear runs down Mikey’s face as the fish starts frantically swimming around)
Frank: He’s a spazzy fishie! Like Me! (starts twitching, yelling loudly)
Gerard: Uh-oh…I think it’s- (Ignatius goes belly up)
Mikey: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<*the end*>