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Episode 27: The Runtz Candy Incident
<Ray is 14, Gerard is 14, and Mikey is 11>
(Ray and Gerard are sitting at a lab table in a science class. They have been given the assignment of dissecting a frog. Gerard has not touched his scalpel.)
Teacher: Mr. Way, will you please assist your partner? (exasperatedly)
Gerard: Sir, we’ve been through this before. I do not feel that in order to learn, I must kill an animal.
Ray: Uh, Gee…it’s already dead… (poking the frog with his index finger)
Gerard: I still don’t want to PROMOTE the slaughter. (crossing his arms)
Teacher: Out of all the students, I would have thought you would LOVE to maim a living being. (walking away)
Ray: I think you’ve been hanging around that Iero kid too much, Gerard. (glancing across the room at a girl with long, curly, blonde hair)
Gerard: I have NOT! Why would you say something like that? (moving back and forth on his lab stool)
Ray: (smiling at the girl) Well, I think all of his ‘animal activism’ crap has seeped into your brain.
Gerard: Yah…well…(flushed)…YOU have poufy hair!
Ray: What the hell kind of…never mind…(shaking his head, looking back at the girl)
Gerard: (following Ray’s eyeline) Victoria?! (scoffs) Toro, don’t even try it.
Ray: Come on Gee, don’t you think I have a chance?
Gerard: (pondering) Uh…let’s see…she’s pretty, popular, and…you’re MY friend-so that’s against you…so, no. No, Toro, I do not think that you would have a chance if you were the last man on this planet…or any other.
Ray: Thanks, Gerard… (puts his hand in his front pocket, pulling out a package of Runtz candies) Want one?
Gerard: Those things are weird. I mean, why not just eat the real fruit? Instead of a miniature, hard, artificial flavoured version of them?
Ray: Because you can’t carry around a bowl of real fruit in your pocket. (sucking on an orange flavoured candy)
Gerard: But still…(shaking his black bangs out of his eyes)
Ray: So…do you want one?
Gerard: Pass me a purple one…whatever fruit THAT’S supposed to be… (taking the candy from Ray)
Ray: Grape, I think…
Gerard: I love how they always distinguish grape as the colour purple. I mean no grape is this purple! (gestures to the candy) There are green grapes, dark burgundy grapes, but I have NEVER seen a grape this intense shade of purple.
Ray: Can’t you just be happy with the way things are? (sighing)
Gerard: No…that’s just how I am. (watches as Ray holds a banana shaped one between his thumb and forefinger) How come the others aren’t special enough to be shaped like the real fruit?
Ray: Your grape one is shaped like a grape.
Gerard: But it’s not shaped SPECIALLY as a grape. All the other ones are just coloured round candies, like my PURPLE grape.
Ray: All the other fruits ARE rounded. The banana is OBVIOUSLY not a round fruit, so therefore, cannot be a little, yellow, ROUND candy.
Gerard: What would the difference be anyways?! You chew on it anyways…and it ends up in your stomach…
Ray: (sighing) Whatever Gerard…(puts candy up his nose)
Gerard: TORO! What the hell are you doing?! (a disgusted look on his face)
Ray: I dunno…(looking at the girl) Oh! I think she’s looking at me!
Gerard: Yah, in a “what the fuck” sort of way!
Ray: (tries to take out the candy) Uh oh…Gerard, it’s stuck.
Gerard: Oh shit…uh, go to the nurse…she’s bound to have tweezers or something. (Ray runs out of the classroom, covering his nose.)
<in the nurse’s office>
Nurse: I don’t know how you managed this Raymond…even your brother Louie never…
Ray: Uh…Gerard Way did it.
Nurse: Oh, well that explains it then. I don’t understand what that boy is doing with his life…and his bro- why hello Michael. (A younger student is carried into the room)
Ray: Mikey! What happened?
Mikey: Uh…I think I broke my foot…
Ray: How?
Mikey: I was pushed off the second floor of the junglegym.
Ray: By whom?
Mikey: Did I say ‘pushed’? I meant I fell…(flustered)
Ray: Mikey, are those bullies after you again? (concerned)
Mikey: No…(looking away)
Nurse: Oh Michael…not again…(yanking the candy out of Ray’s nose)
Ray: Aaah!!! (pained expression on his face)
Mikey: Raymond?
Ray: Yah? (weakly)
Mikey: Why was there a banana in your nose?
<*the end*>
(Ray and Gerard are sitting at a lab table in a science class. They have been given the assignment of dissecting a frog. Gerard has not touched his scalpel.)
Teacher: Mr. Way, will you please assist your partner? (exasperatedly)
Gerard: Sir, we’ve been through this before. I do not feel that in order to learn, I must kill an animal.
Ray: Uh, Gee…it’s already dead… (poking the frog with his index finger)
Gerard: I still don’t want to PROMOTE the slaughter. (crossing his arms)
Teacher: Out of all the students, I would have thought you would LOVE to maim a living being. (walking away)
Ray: I think you’ve been hanging around that Iero kid too much, Gerard. (glancing across the room at a girl with long, curly, blonde hair)
Gerard: I have NOT! Why would you say something like that? (moving back and forth on his lab stool)
Ray: (smiling at the girl) Well, I think all of his ‘animal activism’ crap has seeped into your brain.
Gerard: Yah…well…(flushed)…YOU have poufy hair!
Ray: What the hell kind of…never mind…(shaking his head, looking back at the girl)
Gerard: (following Ray’s eyeline) Victoria?! (scoffs) Toro, don’t even try it.
Ray: Come on Gee, don’t you think I have a chance?
Gerard: (pondering) Uh…let’s see…she’s pretty, popular, and…you’re MY friend-so that’s against you…so, no. No, Toro, I do not think that you would have a chance if you were the last man on this planet…or any other.
Ray: Thanks, Gerard… (puts his hand in his front pocket, pulling out a package of Runtz candies) Want one?
Gerard: Those things are weird. I mean, why not just eat the real fruit? Instead of a miniature, hard, artificial flavoured version of them?
Ray: Because you can’t carry around a bowl of real fruit in your pocket. (sucking on an orange flavoured candy)
Gerard: But still…(shaking his black bangs out of his eyes)
Ray: So…do you want one?
Gerard: Pass me a purple one…whatever fruit THAT’S supposed to be… (taking the candy from Ray)
Ray: Grape, I think…
Gerard: I love how they always distinguish grape as the colour purple. I mean no grape is this purple! (gestures to the candy) There are green grapes, dark burgundy grapes, but I have NEVER seen a grape this intense shade of purple.
Ray: Can’t you just be happy with the way things are? (sighing)
Gerard: No…that’s just how I am. (watches as Ray holds a banana shaped one between his thumb and forefinger) How come the others aren’t special enough to be shaped like the real fruit?
Ray: Your grape one is shaped like a grape.
Gerard: But it’s not shaped SPECIALLY as a grape. All the other ones are just coloured round candies, like my PURPLE grape.
Ray: All the other fruits ARE rounded. The banana is OBVIOUSLY not a round fruit, so therefore, cannot be a little, yellow, ROUND candy.
Gerard: What would the difference be anyways?! You chew on it anyways…and it ends up in your stomach…
Ray: (sighing) Whatever Gerard…(puts candy up his nose)
Gerard: TORO! What the hell are you doing?! (a disgusted look on his face)
Ray: I dunno…(looking at the girl) Oh! I think she’s looking at me!
Gerard: Yah, in a “what the fuck” sort of way!
Ray: (tries to take out the candy) Uh oh…Gerard, it’s stuck.
Gerard: Oh shit…uh, go to the nurse…she’s bound to have tweezers or something. (Ray runs out of the classroom, covering his nose.)
<in the nurse’s office>
Nurse: I don’t know how you managed this Raymond…even your brother Louie never…
Ray: Uh…Gerard Way did it.
Nurse: Oh, well that explains it then. I don’t understand what that boy is doing with his life…and his bro- why hello Michael. (A younger student is carried into the room)
Ray: Mikey! What happened?
Mikey: Uh…I think I broke my foot…
Ray: How?
Mikey: I was pushed off the second floor of the junglegym.
Ray: By whom?
Mikey: Did I say ‘pushed’? I meant I fell…(flustered)
Ray: Mikey, are those bullies after you again? (concerned)
Mikey: No…(looking away)
Nurse: Oh Michael…not again…(yanking the candy out of Ray’s nose)
Ray: Aaah!!! (pained expression on his face)
Mikey: Raymond?
Ray: Yah? (weakly)
Mikey: Why was there a banana in your nose?
<*the end*>