MCR Home Videos
Episode 28: The “Birds and the Bees Talk” Incident
<Gerard is 7, and Mikey is 4>
(Donald it out watering the garden, Donna has sent the boys out into the yard)
Gerard: Dad, what’s sex? (Donald flings the hose up, loosing control of it and spraying Mikey)
Mikey: Ack! Daddy!!! Yous is watering ME! I’m no flower! (spluttering)
Donald: Sorry, kiddo…(turning off the hose, wiping the water spots off of Mikey’s glasses) Uh, Gee…why…uh…where did you…*cough*
Gerard: Father, let’s sit. (motions to the stone bench in the rock garden)
Mikey: Daddy, tell me and Geward a story with lots of sex in it! (giggles, climbing up into his dad’s lap)
Donald: Well…if you’re old enough to ask…you’re old enough to know…Uh, where do I begin… (pulls Mikey up onto his knee)
Gerard: At the beginning Dad, duh. How does sex begin? (smiling)
Mikey: Is there popsicles!? (licking his lips, giggling)
Donald: No honey…uh…one day, when you both are older, and meet a nice girl…you’ll want to…uh…kiss her.
Gerard: Ew! (sticking out his tongue)
Mikey: What if theys have cooties daddy? (alarmed)
Donald: No…she won’t…but after you kiss…you’ll…well…every boy has…uh…little ity bity little…uh…fishies inside him.
Mikey: There’s FISHIES inside me!? I hate fishies! (squirms)
Gerard: Where are these fish? (looking over his body)
Donald: They’re too small to see… (Mikey stops moving around)
Gerard: Then how do you know that they are there? (raising his eyebrows)
Donald: Doctors. Anyways…girls have little eggs living inside them…
Mikey: Like a robin’s egg? (looking up at his dad)
Donald: Uh…no, smaller buddy.
Mikey: Oh! Like the bunny’s eggs!
Gerard: Bunnies DON’T lay eggs you butthead!
Mikey: Yeah! The chocolate kind! (sticking his tongue out at Gerard, who rolls his eyes)
Donald: Anyhow…there’s this…river…and all the fishies are in a race to get to the…egg.
Mikey: Why? (innocently)
Donald: Uh…so they can get a prize. The strongest, fastest fishy gets to the egg…and they…merge…together.
Gerard: RAD! Then what?
Donald: A little baby starts forming in the girl…and soon…well, nine months later…the baby…erm…pops out.
Gerard: Woah! Is there a baby EVERY time?
Donald: Uh, no. No, Gerard…not every time.
Gerard: And how is this river formed?
Donald: Um…(sweating) The boy inserts his…uh…thing…into the girl’s…uh…thing.
Gerard: (catching on) Oh.my.gosh. (wide-eyed)
Mikey: Wait a tic! DADDY! (eyes darting back and forth)
Donald: What Mikey? (exasperated)
Mikey: If dats what it takes to make a baby…you and mommy…(looks over at Gerard, and then down at himself) TWICE!
Gerard: *shudder* Oh.my.gosh. Is THAT what I walked in on before Mikey was born?! Aaah! (shaking his head, trying to erase the images)
Donald: No…but…erm…boys, what made you ask anyways?
Mikey: Oh…cuz Mommy said dinner would be ready in a few sex.
Gerard: Wait…she wanted me and Mikey to come out here…to get you…(narrows eyes and stares at his dad)
Mikey: SHAME Daddy! I’M the baby! No more babies! (lightly slaps Donald’s cheek)
Donald: Boys, I think you misunderstood Mom…
Gerard: NO! Mikey and me understood COMPLETELY! (grabs Mikey’s hand, leading him into the house)
Donna: Don, honey…I said dinner would be ready in a few secs….come on in darling.
Mikey: NO! Mommy, I’M your baby! No eggs and fishy races! NO!!!!!!
Gerard: (covering Mikey’s mouth) We’re…not hungry…(pulls Mikey up the stairs)
Mikey: I AM! (muffled through Gerard’s hand. Mikey bites Mikey’s fingers, causing him to free his mouth) DADDY! Keep your thing away from Mommy!
Donna: What did you say to the boys?
Donald: I have NO idea…(shakes head)
Mikey: If you guys make a baby, I’m moving to Frankie’s!! (angry screaming from upstairs)
Gerard: Shh! Mikey! I don’t wanna see it again! Just let them get it over with…
Mikey: But Gee, what if there’s SOUNDS involved?!
Gerard: Oh fuck…
Donna: (setting the potatoes on the table) Honestly baby, WHAT did you say?
Donald: (sighing) They asked about sex.
Donna: Oh fuck…
<*the end*>
(Donald it out watering the garden, Donna has sent the boys out into the yard)
Gerard: Dad, what’s sex? (Donald flings the hose up, loosing control of it and spraying Mikey)
Mikey: Ack! Daddy!!! Yous is watering ME! I’m no flower! (spluttering)
Donald: Sorry, kiddo…(turning off the hose, wiping the water spots off of Mikey’s glasses) Uh, Gee…why…uh…where did you…*cough*
Gerard: Father, let’s sit. (motions to the stone bench in the rock garden)
Mikey: Daddy, tell me and Geward a story with lots of sex in it! (giggles, climbing up into his dad’s lap)
Donald: Well…if you’re old enough to ask…you’re old enough to know…Uh, where do I begin… (pulls Mikey up onto his knee)
Gerard: At the beginning Dad, duh. How does sex begin? (smiling)
Mikey: Is there popsicles!? (licking his lips, giggling)
Donald: No honey…uh…one day, when you both are older, and meet a nice girl…you’ll want to…uh…kiss her.
Gerard: Ew! (sticking out his tongue)
Mikey: What if theys have cooties daddy? (alarmed)
Donald: No…she won’t…but after you kiss…you’ll…well…every boy has…uh…little ity bity little…uh…fishies inside him.
Mikey: There’s FISHIES inside me!? I hate fishies! (squirms)
Gerard: Where are these fish? (looking over his body)
Donald: They’re too small to see… (Mikey stops moving around)
Gerard: Then how do you know that they are there? (raising his eyebrows)
Donald: Doctors. Anyways…girls have little eggs living inside them…
Mikey: Like a robin’s egg? (looking up at his dad)
Donald: Uh…no, smaller buddy.
Mikey: Oh! Like the bunny’s eggs!
Gerard: Bunnies DON’T lay eggs you butthead!
Mikey: Yeah! The chocolate kind! (sticking his tongue out at Gerard, who rolls his eyes)
Donald: Anyhow…there’s this…river…and all the fishies are in a race to get to the…egg.
Mikey: Why? (innocently)
Donald: Uh…so they can get a prize. The strongest, fastest fishy gets to the egg…and they…merge…together.
Gerard: RAD! Then what?
Donald: A little baby starts forming in the girl…and soon…well, nine months later…the baby…erm…pops out.
Gerard: Woah! Is there a baby EVERY time?
Donald: Uh, no. No, Gerard…not every time.
Gerard: And how is this river formed?
Donald: Um…(sweating) The boy inserts his…uh…thing…into the girl’s…uh…thing.
Gerard: (catching on) Oh.my.gosh. (wide-eyed)
Mikey: Wait a tic! DADDY! (eyes darting back and forth)
Donald: What Mikey? (exasperated)
Mikey: If dats what it takes to make a baby…you and mommy…(looks over at Gerard, and then down at himself) TWICE!
Gerard: *shudder* Oh.my.gosh. Is THAT what I walked in on before Mikey was born?! Aaah! (shaking his head, trying to erase the images)
Donald: No…but…erm…boys, what made you ask anyways?
Mikey: Oh…cuz Mommy said dinner would be ready in a few sex.
Gerard: Wait…she wanted me and Mikey to come out here…to get you…(narrows eyes and stares at his dad)
Mikey: SHAME Daddy! I’M the baby! No more babies! (lightly slaps Donald’s cheek)
Donald: Boys, I think you misunderstood Mom…
Gerard: NO! Mikey and me understood COMPLETELY! (grabs Mikey’s hand, leading him into the house)
Donna: Don, honey…I said dinner would be ready in a few secs….come on in darling.
Mikey: NO! Mommy, I’M your baby! No eggs and fishy races! NO!!!!!!
Gerard: (covering Mikey’s mouth) We’re…not hungry…(pulls Mikey up the stairs)
Mikey: I AM! (muffled through Gerard’s hand. Mikey bites Mikey’s fingers, causing him to free his mouth) DADDY! Keep your thing away from Mommy!
Donna: What did you say to the boys?
Donald: I have NO idea…(shakes head)
Mikey: If you guys make a baby, I’m moving to Frankie’s!! (angry screaming from upstairs)
Gerard: Shh! Mikey! I don’t wanna see it again! Just let them get it over with…
Mikey: But Gee, what if there’s SOUNDS involved?!
Gerard: Oh fuck…
Donna: (setting the potatoes on the table) Honestly baby, WHAT did you say?
Donald: (sighing) They asked about sex.
Donna: Oh fuck…
<*the end*>