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<Mikey is 6, Gerard is 9>

(Donna and Donald have just finished pitching the two tents, and are sitting down next to the fire)

Donna: This is so nice. The serene natural state of the woods, the peaceful atmosphere- (loud screaming) The sound of the boys killing each other…

Mikey: Get away you vampire! (hides behind Donald’s chair)

Gerard: I’m not gonna- Mom, why are there two tents?

Donna: One for me and your dad, one for you and your brother. (sitting back down in her chair)

Mikey: WHAT?! (frightened edge to his voice)

Donald: Your mother and I decided that we wanted a nice quiet time in our own tent.

Gerard: (frowning) Am I gonna have to get another brother?

Donna: No! (looking frantically at Donald) What your dad meant was we wanted you two boys to spend some time together.

Mikey: But Mommy! He’ll most probably kill me! (hugging onto her leg)

Donna: Shh…honey, he won’t…Donald, you got the lighter right? (Donald nods) Matches? (nods) Flint? (nods) Gasoline?

Donald: Oh crap, it’s in the back of the- (looks over at the box of the truck, Gerard is trying to lug the container over the tailgate) GERARD!

Gerard: (innocently) What?

Mikey: See?! Mommy, you CAN’T leave me alone with him! (whimpering)

Donna: Michael…

Mikey: Don’t call me that! Only Grandma can call me Michael, because she won’t NOT! (crossing his arms)

Donna: Regardless, Gerard won’t do anything to you. (looks over at Donald- who is angrily lecturing Gerard on fire safety) You’re older brother is a big softy.

Mikey: (giggling) I know THAT Mommy, whenever I get up the courage to poke him, it’s cushiony.

Donna: (smiling) He really loves you Mikey. (running a hand over his hair)

Mikey: I know…(looking over at Gerard, who is pouting) I just wish he showed it more… (Donna hushes his crying, pulling him into her arms)

<later at the campfire>

Gerard: (through a mouthful of sticky marshmallows) Mikey, do you want me to cook for you?

Mikey: Okay Gee! (smiling widely)

Gerard: Alright… (pops a mallow on the stick) Mom, what time is it?

Donna: (looking at her watch) After you make that for Mikey, it’s bedtime.

Gerard: How come whenever I ask what time it is, it’s bedtime? (turning the stick)

Donald: Good timing I guess Gee. (kissing Donna’s cheek. Gerard rolls his eyes, taking the stick out of the fire, the mallow has caught on fire)

Gerard: Look at me! I’m the Fire Princess! ( prances around the campground)

Donald: Gerard! (standing up, Gerard begins running, but trips on a rock)

Mikey: Gee! Are you okay?! (hopping off Donna’s lap)

Gerard: I-I’m fine. (voice cracking, blinking back tears)

Donna: You sure baby?

Gerard: I’m NOT your baby! (stalks over to the tent, cradling his arms) Night Donna!

Mikey: I’M your baby mom… (Donna wipes her eyes, hugging Mikey before he crawls into the tent after Gerard)

<later that night>

Mikey: Gee? Are you awake?

Gerard: Uh huh…

Mikey: (fiddling with the ear on his teddy bear) Did you hear something a few seconds ago?

Gerard: Only you. (grumbling)

Mikey: No! Outside…

Gerard: It was probably just a bear.

Mikey: What?! (flings off Gerard’s covers)

Gerard: Well there ARE bears here… (looking over at Mikey) with RAZOR sharp teeth… and even SHARPER claws.

Mikey: Eeep! (pulls the covers over his head)

Gerard: (laughing) Mikey, don’t be a bab- (loud rustling from outside) Aaaaah!!! (grabs onto Mikey and pulls him close)

Mikey: Gee! (hugs him back)

Gerard: Mikey, before we die, I want you to know that I really do love you! And I’m sorry I’m such a jerk! (crying)

Mikey: It’s okay Gerard, I know it’s only because you feel the need to subjectively adhere to your older sibling supreme authority. (Gerard stares at him blankly, someone starts to open the zipper.)

Gerard and Mikey: Aaaaahhhh!!!!! (Donald and Donna poke their heads in)

Donald: Hey boys! (laughing) Give you a scare, did I?

Gerard: Dad?! YOU were the bear?! (angrily stands up)

Donald: Yeah, sorry son. I just wanted to-

Mikey: Give me a heart-attack!? (frowning)

Donna: Daddy’s sorry baby… but you have to- (looks over as twigs crack) What was that?

Gerard: We’re not falling for that again… (putting his hands on his hips)

Donald: Honestly Gee, I’m not- (interrupted by a loud growl)

Mikey: Mommy…. (Gerard puts a hand over Mikey’s mouth, pokes his head out of the tent)

Gerard: Mom, Dad…you’d better get in the tent…Aaaahhh!! (Donna and Donald quickly push Gerard out of the way and zip up the tent behind them)

Mikey: (looking down at his teddy bear) Eek! (throws it away) Teddy, I love you…but I don’t like you right now…

Gerard: Shhh! (punching Mikey’s shoulder)

Mikey: Ow! Do you really think a thin sheet of plastic is gonna protect us from the sharp claws and teeth of a bear?!

Donna: Mikey, be quiet baby…Aaah! Donald! It’s trying to get in! (grabs Donald’s shoulder as the bear paws at the side of the tent)

Mikey: We are all gonna DIE! (wailing)

Donald: Boys, Gerard. Mikey. Honey, know that I love you…

Gerard: (slipping towards the opening of the tent, unzipping it) God damn bear…

Donna: Gerard! Honey! (frantically)

Gerard: (taking out his water bottle, and lighting a match.) Just like a match, you strike to incinerate… (lets the match drop into the bottle, it ignites) DIE BEAR DIE!! (throws match at the bear. It snarls, ambling off into the woods)

Donna: Gerard…you…saved us… (hugs him) But honey, when did you get the gas?

Gerard: (smirking) Earlier…

Donald: And the matches?

Gerard: From your pocket. (Donald feels his pocket for the matchbook, frowning)

Donna: This is the ONLY time I’ll condone you stealing matches from your father.

(Mikey moans, falling back onto the pillow)

Gerard: Mikey? Mikes…Mommy, did he die?! (worried)

Donald: No…he just fainted.

Gerard: We’re gonna go camping EVERY year, right?!
(Donna and Donald exchange tired looks)

<*the end*>