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Episode 33: The Zoo Incident
<Gerard is 10, Mikey is 7, and Frank is 6>
(Donna has taken the boys to the zoo; and she has opted to take Frankie off Linda’s hands for the afternoon.)
Donna: What animals do you want to see boys? (handing them each a map of the park)
Gerard: LIONS! (jumping up and down)
Frank: Tigers!!! (reading the map upside down)
Mikey: Butterflies! (Gerard slaps Mikey across the face with his folded up map)
Gerard: Can’t you follow the fricking pattern?! You were SUPPOSED to say Bears! (Mikey pouts)
Frank: Yeah! And what kind of…of…PANSY wants to see worms with wings?! (slapping Mikey)
Donna: Gerard, Franklin…do NOT slap Mikey…(Frank glares at her for using his full name)…and we’ll see ALL of the animals that you boys want. (walking towards the insect exhibit)
Gerard: This blows…(shrugging his shoulders and walking into the room)
Mikey: PRETY! Mommy, look at that one! (jumps up and down, giggling)
Frank: (mocking Mikey) I’M A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!!! (Donna covers her ears)
Donna: Frank, honey…use your inside voice…
Frank: I DON’T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE!!!!!!!!!! (people begin staring at him oddly)
Gerard: Frank, chill or be chilled…Okay, we’ve seen the wimpy bugs…can we see the man-eating predators now?! (excited)
Frank: Yeah! Like…things with…TEETH! (growling and swatting at random people)
Gerard: You know what…back in Rome…they used to throw all the wimpy townspeople into the Lion Pit…(looking over at Mikey)
Mikey: To make friends with the kitties? (trembling)
Gerard: No. They were eaten ALIVE! (Mikey latches onto his mother’s leg)
Mikey: I DON’T WANNA SEE THEM MOM!!!! (crying)
Donna: Don’t worry Mikey….your brother is just being silly…AREN’T YOU GEE? (glares at Gerard, who smiles widely and nods) Besides baby, there’s a barrier between you and the lions…(takes Mikey’s hand and leads him towards the savannah part of the zoo)
<a few minutes later, at the lion area>
Frank: Donna….I have to…go….PEE!!!!!! (jumping up and down, biting his lip)
Donna: Okay…Mikey, Gerard….stay RIGHT here…(gives them a warning look) Okay? (They both nod, as Donna walks towards the bathrooms)
Gerard: Come on dweeb…(starts walking towards the back of the viewing area)
Mikey: Where is you going Gee? (ambles after him, his untied shoelaces trailing behind him)
Gerard: (looking around to make sure no one is watching) The lions are boring…all they do is sleep under the flipping rock… (sucking in his stomach and slipping between the landscape rocks)
Mikey: So…what are you going to do? (pushing a stuck Gerard through, and easily slipping in himself)
Gerard: I’m gonna wake them up. (Mikey gasps as he realizes that the lions are less than five feet away, and there is no longer a barrier)
Mikey: Gee….(whimpering)
Gerard: Shut up…(bending down and picking up a rock) WAKE UP MR.LION!!!!!!! (throws stone, it pelts a male lion, who wakes up and shakes his shaggy mane)
Mikey: GERARD! (squeaky voice) It’s awake…and….and…(lion starts walking towards them) BIG! Aaah!!!
Gerard: Pssht! He’s all roar and no bite Mikes…(the lion outs out a meek, tired growl) See? It’s a coward…YOU DUMB LION! Come out and fight me like the oversized cat you are! (lion starts cornering them)
Mikey: Gee…he looks hungry…(shaking)
Gerard: Oh shit…(gulping)
<outside the cage, Frank runs up to the barrier and peers over>
Frank: WHY do Mikey and Gee get to play with the kitty?! I wanna play with the kitty!
Donna: Oh for the love of all things…(looks where Frank’s eyeline is going) My BABIES! (grabs Frank and pulls him over to the handler’s entrance)
Frank: Donna, who do you think tastes better? Mikey or Gerard? (Donna glares at him, ordering an employee to open the door)
Donna: GERARD! MIKEY! RUN BABIES!!! (the boys scramble to the door, the lion hot on their heels. They slip out, as the lion’s body hits the just closed door behind them)
Mikey: (panting) I….hate….YOU! (pointing at Gerard)
Gerard: (also panting, collapsed on the ground) Mom…can we….get a…cat?
Mikey: GACK!!! (pounces on his brother, Frank bends down and bites both of them on the shoulder)
Frank: Mikey….Gerard tastes like…dried bat goop. Can I go play with the kitty now?!
Mikey: I hate you! You’re always wanting me killed! (pulling Gerard’s hair)
Gerard: Maybe I just want ME dead!!! (kicking his legs)
Frank: Donna…can I play with the kitty NOW?! (tugging on her sleeve)
Mikey: Then DIE ON YOUR OWN!!! I like living thank you very much you…you….suicidal freak! (punching Gerard’s cheek)
Frank: Kitty….(growling slightly)
Gerard: If you HATE me THAT much….kill me right now Michael James! (tears forming in his eyes)
Mikey: I WOULD Gerard Arthur…but Mom likes you for some ODD reason…and I like making mom happy! (standing up and folding his arms)
Frank: I WANNA PLAY WITH THE FUCKING KITTY!!!!!!!! (throwing a complete temper tantrum)
Donna: THAT’S IT!!!!! We’re going HOME!!!!!!! (drags them to the car)
<*the end*>
(Donna has taken the boys to the zoo; and she has opted to take Frankie off Linda’s hands for the afternoon.)
Donna: What animals do you want to see boys? (handing them each a map of the park)
Gerard: LIONS! (jumping up and down)
Frank: Tigers!!! (reading the map upside down)
Mikey: Butterflies! (Gerard slaps Mikey across the face with his folded up map)
Gerard: Can’t you follow the fricking pattern?! You were SUPPOSED to say Bears! (Mikey pouts)
Frank: Yeah! And what kind of…of…PANSY wants to see worms with wings?! (slapping Mikey)
Donna: Gerard, Franklin…do NOT slap Mikey…(Frank glares at her for using his full name)…and we’ll see ALL of the animals that you boys want. (walking towards the insect exhibit)
Gerard: This blows…(shrugging his shoulders and walking into the room)
Mikey: PRETY! Mommy, look at that one! (jumps up and down, giggling)
Frank: (mocking Mikey) I’M A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!!! (Donna covers her ears)
Donna: Frank, honey…use your inside voice…
Frank: I DON’T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE!!!!!!!!!! (people begin staring at him oddly)
Gerard: Frank, chill or be chilled…Okay, we’ve seen the wimpy bugs…can we see the man-eating predators now?! (excited)
Frank: Yeah! Like…things with…TEETH! (growling and swatting at random people)
Gerard: You know what…back in Rome…they used to throw all the wimpy townspeople into the Lion Pit…(looking over at Mikey)
Mikey: To make friends with the kitties? (trembling)
Gerard: No. They were eaten ALIVE! (Mikey latches onto his mother’s leg)
Mikey: I DON’T WANNA SEE THEM MOM!!!! (crying)
Donna: Don’t worry Mikey….your brother is just being silly…AREN’T YOU GEE? (glares at Gerard, who smiles widely and nods) Besides baby, there’s a barrier between you and the lions…(takes Mikey’s hand and leads him towards the savannah part of the zoo)
<a few minutes later, at the lion area>
Frank: Donna….I have to…go….PEE!!!!!! (jumping up and down, biting his lip)
Donna: Okay…Mikey, Gerard….stay RIGHT here…(gives them a warning look) Okay? (They both nod, as Donna walks towards the bathrooms)
Gerard: Come on dweeb…(starts walking towards the back of the viewing area)
Mikey: Where is you going Gee? (ambles after him, his untied shoelaces trailing behind him)
Gerard: (looking around to make sure no one is watching) The lions are boring…all they do is sleep under the flipping rock… (sucking in his stomach and slipping between the landscape rocks)
Mikey: So…what are you going to do? (pushing a stuck Gerard through, and easily slipping in himself)
Gerard: I’m gonna wake them up. (Mikey gasps as he realizes that the lions are less than five feet away, and there is no longer a barrier)
Mikey: Gee….(whimpering)
Gerard: Shut up…(bending down and picking up a rock) WAKE UP MR.LION!!!!!!! (throws stone, it pelts a male lion, who wakes up and shakes his shaggy mane)
Mikey: GERARD! (squeaky voice) It’s awake…and….and…(lion starts walking towards them) BIG! Aaah!!!
Gerard: Pssht! He’s all roar and no bite Mikes…(the lion outs out a meek, tired growl) See? It’s a coward…YOU DUMB LION! Come out and fight me like the oversized cat you are! (lion starts cornering them)
Mikey: Gee…he looks hungry…(shaking)
Gerard: Oh shit…(gulping)
<outside the cage, Frank runs up to the barrier and peers over>
Frank: WHY do Mikey and Gee get to play with the kitty?! I wanna play with the kitty!
Donna: Oh for the love of all things…(looks where Frank’s eyeline is going) My BABIES! (grabs Frank and pulls him over to the handler’s entrance)
Frank: Donna, who do you think tastes better? Mikey or Gerard? (Donna glares at him, ordering an employee to open the door)
Donna: GERARD! MIKEY! RUN BABIES!!! (the boys scramble to the door, the lion hot on their heels. They slip out, as the lion’s body hits the just closed door behind them)
Mikey: (panting) I….hate….YOU! (pointing at Gerard)
Gerard: (also panting, collapsed on the ground) Mom…can we….get a…cat?
Mikey: GACK!!! (pounces on his brother, Frank bends down and bites both of them on the shoulder)
Frank: Mikey….Gerard tastes like…dried bat goop. Can I go play with the kitty now?!
Mikey: I hate you! You’re always wanting me killed! (pulling Gerard’s hair)
Gerard: Maybe I just want ME dead!!! (kicking his legs)
Frank: Donna…can I play with the kitty NOW?! (tugging on her sleeve)
Mikey: Then DIE ON YOUR OWN!!! I like living thank you very much you…you….suicidal freak! (punching Gerard’s cheek)
Frank: Kitty….(growling slightly)
Gerard: If you HATE me THAT much….kill me right now Michael James! (tears forming in his eyes)
Mikey: I WOULD Gerard Arthur…but Mom likes you for some ODD reason…and I like making mom happy! (standing up and folding his arms)
Frank: I WANNA PLAY WITH THE FUCKING KITTY!!!!!!!! (throwing a complete temper tantrum)
Donna: THAT’S IT!!!!! We’re going HOME!!!!!!! (drags them to the car)
<*the end*>