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<Gerard is 13, Mikey is 10, Ray is 13, and Frank is 9.>

(Donna and Donald are waiting for Gerard to come downstairs, the phone rings)

Mikey: I’ll get it!! (waddles over to the phone, as his baked potato costume is huge) Hello?! (static forms over the connection as there is aluminum foil in his costume) GRANDMA!? I can’t HEAR you!!!

Donna: (taking the phone from Mikey) Mom? Yeah, that was Mikey…he’s a baked potato. Well, you spent so long on Gee’s costume, you left me to make Mikey’s, and I’m not creative…that, and all the costume shops were sold out of anything…tasteful…

Mikey: GRANDMA! I look like garbage! And I COULD have had a really pretty hooker costume! (screaming as Donald slips a pair of checkered kicks onto his feet)

Donald: Mikey! Shh! Where’s your brother? (exasperated)

Mikey: How the heck am I supposed to know?! I’m not a Gerardometer! I can’t tell where he is!!! (spinning around excitedly)

Donna: I’m sure that they’ll be fine Mom, he’s going with Frankie and Gerard…Linda and Cheech are meeting them a few houses down…just past the Toro’s…bye Mother! (hangs up, sighing)

Gerard: (running into the room) I’m….BATMAN!! (evilly cackling)

Mikey: Mommy, why are Gerard’s boy things showing? (eyes wide, smile plastered across his face)

Donna: WHAT?! (looking Gerard up and down)

Gerard: Oh, he means that you can see my…erm…bulge through my black tights. Grandma wanted to save time, so she dyed my Peter Pan costume pants…I’ve grown a bit since then though… (holding the pillowcase in his hand)

Mikey: I’ll say! (grinning madly, attempting to stifle a very girlish giggle)

Donna: (shaking her head) I am going insane…(doorbell rings) God Damn trick or treaters…I hate this f*ucking holiday…(goes to open the door)

Frank: (dressed as a little blue bird) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!! (runs into the room, flapping his ‘wings’ madly)

Mikey: Why are you a birdie, Frank? (confused)

Frank: Why are YOU a…a….(trys to determine what exactly Mikey’s costume is) A crumpled up old banana boat!?

Mikey: I’m a potato….a baked one… (frowning, looking down at the floor) I knew I should have been a hooker…

Frank: Huh? (voice muffled through his beak) GERARD!!!! (screams, wraps his arms around Gerard)

Gerard: Back off you fat little blue bird! (slaps Frank’s cheek)

Frank: You know…in the culture of the bear, a slap symbolizes love… (bats his eyelashes)

Gerard: Oh for the love of Danzig…(pulls on his black boots, humming the Batman theme under his breath)

Mikey: We’re going now…bye Mom! (waves, running into the screen door as he tries to leave the house)

Gerard: (sighing, opening the door and pushing Mikey out) Moron…

Frank: Yay for IEROWEEN!!! (cackles, flapping out the door)

<boys walk down the street towards the Toro’s house>

Mikey: (rings the doorbell, Ray opens the door) PACMAN!

Ray: Uh huh…(tosses candy into each of their baskets) By the way, happy birthday Frank.

Frank: Thank you Ray! (hugs his foam costume) But why isn’t you trick or treatin’?

Ray: My mom didn’t want me out at dark, so she had Louie take me earlier… (rolls his eyes)

Gerard: Momma’s boy, are you Toro? (laughing)

Ray: Perhaps…but at least my pants give me room to breathe. (smiles, Gerard slinks behind Frank) See you guys later… (closes the door)

Gerard: (muttering) Poofy haired git… (looks down an alleyway) Come on retards, we can cut across here…

Mikey: But Mommy and Daddy said to meet Frank’s Mommy and Daddy down the street…(feebly)

Gerard: But we can hit more houses this way… (pulls Mikey into the alley)

Frank: It’s dark in here (looks around) And I see DEAD people!!! Gee…

Gerard: Ah, S*hit… (notices three boys about his age dressed in zombie costumes)

Boy #1: Well, if it isn’t Gay Way and his baby f*uck buddies… (others laugh)

Frank: My name’s Frankie. And today’s my birthday! (smiling)

Boy #2: Is that so, squirt? (shoves Frank to the ground, his candy spills over the pavement)

Gerard: Hey! (shoving the boy) Don’t f*uck with the kid!

Boy #1: No, that’s YOUR job, isn’t it fag? (Gerard lets out a low hiss and lunges at the bullies)

Mikey: GEE!!!

<two hours later: Linda opens the Way door and prods Mikey and Frank inside>

Donna: Thank heavens! Don’s still out looking…(hugs Mikey)

Mikey: (crying, face bruised) Mom…I’m a MASHED potato now… (sniffles, looking down at his ruined costume)

Donna: Where’s your bro- Oh my god! (rushes over to the door, where Cheech is carrying a blood soaked Gerard) Gee, can you hear me baby?

Cheech: He’s unconscious Donna… (laying him down on the couch)

Donna: Has he been…been…Stabbed?! (sobbing)

Linda: No dear…Cheech checked…(running a hand up Donna’s shaking arm)

Frank: (bawling) Gee saved Mikey and me from the dead people Mom and Dad…and now HE’S….he’s…oh my poor baby Gee! I never got to tell him…how…how I felt…and now he’s GONE!!! (begins to sob uncontrollably)

Gerard: (coughing) Uh…I’m not dead Frank…not yet anyways…(moaning)

Frank: (looking up, his lip bleeding slightly) Gee?

Donna: Oh Gerard! You’re okay! Oh, I was so worried…(crying joyfully)

Frank: Now that you’re alive again, can I ask you something?

Gerard: Sure….(cringing as Frank leans on his chest)

Frank: What’s a f*uck buddy? (Linda, Cheech, and Donna all gasp. Gerard moans and shakes his head)

<*the end*>