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Episode #42: The Oreo Cookie Incident
Written By: Gerards_Girl2318 (Kristen)
<Gerard is 7, Mikey is 4, and Frank is 3>
(Donna has drug Gerard into the kitchen, and sat him down in front of the plate of cookies)
Gerard: Yummy! (goes to reach for an Oreo, Donald slaps his hand)
Donald: Not yet, son... I'm going to teach you how to eat an Oreo the way that the Ways have done it for the past-
Gerard: Whatever, I'm hungry. (stuffs a cookie in his mouth, smirking as crumbs fall down his front)
Donald: Gee... (grumbles, pouring two glasses of milk)
Gerard: (through a mouthful of cookie) This tastes really bad Dad, I think they're stale.
Donald: That's NOT the point, Gerard. Now, what you do is twist open the cookie, and lick out the icing... (licks the white filling off the cookie)
Gerard: That's gay. (takes a swig of his milk)
Donald: Gee, don't use that word. (popping one side of the cookie in his mouth)
Gerard: Why not? (blinking)
Donald: Well it's not a synonym for sh*itty. (passing Gerard another cookie) Now, eat it the way I taught you.
Gerard: But they're stale. (staring at his dad, whose shoulders are shaking)
Donald: That. is. NOT. The. Point! (screaming)
Gerard: Woah. I'm gonna go play with my switchblade. Bye Dad. (hops off his chair)
Donald: Fine! Go tell all your satanic imaginary friends what a terrible father I am! (yelling loudly)
<a few minutes later; Donald sits Mikey down at the table on his booster seat>
Mikey: Do I get my cookie now, Daddy? (jumping up and down in his seat)
Donald: After you watch me eat mine. (taking an Oreo in his hand)
Mikey: Why do you eat in front of me, and not give me one? (frowning)
Donald: Because, Mikes, I am going to show you the family way of eating Oreos. (manic gleam in his eyes)
Mikey: You put it in your mouth, chew, swallow, and then I take my sippy cup and drink the white water. (claps his hands together)
Donald: No, Mikey... one, the white water is called milk. Two, there is a SPECIAL way to eat them.
Mikey: Special like Jesus... or Spiderman? (smiling widely)
Donald: No, Mikey... (exasperated; hands him an Oreo) Now, twist it open and-
Mikey: Finally! Cookie! (takes a bite)
Donald: No! (screaming) Eat. it. RIGHT!
Mikey: (makes a disgusted face) Daddy, they're stale.
Donald: (shaking uncontrollably) I KNOW they're stale!
Mikey: (shocked) I could get Herpes from that! (throws cookie against the wall)
Donald: Where did you learn that word? (blankly)
Mikey: TV. No, Gerard.... no, wait, TV... (ponders) No, it was DEFINETLY Gerard. (yawns widely, shaking his little head)
Donald: God damn... (letting out a low whistle)
Mikey: Can I go now? (looking over at the living room)
Donald: I don't care... (laughing hysterically)
Mikey: (seriously) Daddy; maybe you're not getting enough fibre in your daily diet. You should get Raisin Bran, there's TWO scoops of raisins, in Kellog's Raisin Bran, after all. And Grandma says bran has fibres. (pats his dad's arm, before taking his sippy cup and running into the living room)
<an hour later, Donald brings Frank into the kitchen and places him on Mikey's booster seat, and a couch cushion.>
Frank: Mister; why is I here? (confused)
Donald: Well son, I am going to teach you our family way of eating Oreos. (frazzled)
Frank: But I isn't in your guys' family. (more confused)
Donald: Sure you are Frankie! (smiling too widely for Frank's comfort level)
Frank: But... But if I is in your family- I can't marry your son...
Donald: (awkwardly) I'll just pretend I didn't hear that.
Frank: Good Stuff Doc. (puts his thumbs up) Ah dude, those cookies there look stale... like a fish.
Donald: (breathing heavily) I am QUITE aware that the cookies are stale.
Frank: Me LOVE fishy stale cookies! (takes an Oreo, twists it open, and licks the icing out. Then, eats the sides of the cookie one by one, and takes a swig of milk)
Donald: Y-you already know how to eat them right? (voice wavering)
Frank: I dunno if I is eatin' it right, but I is eatin' it like I wanna... (Donald faints) Mister Mikey's Daddy? (shrugs) More Nemo cookies for Fwankie! Hee hee! (jumps up on the table and begins eating the cookies right off the plate, laughing)
<*the end*>
<Gerard is 7, Mikey is 4, and Frank is 3>
(Donna has drug Gerard into the kitchen, and sat him down in front of the plate of cookies)
Gerard: Yummy! (goes to reach for an Oreo, Donald slaps his hand)
Donald: Not yet, son... I'm going to teach you how to eat an Oreo the way that the Ways have done it for the past-
Gerard: Whatever, I'm hungry. (stuffs a cookie in his mouth, smirking as crumbs fall down his front)
Donald: Gee... (grumbles, pouring two glasses of milk)
Gerard: (through a mouthful of cookie) This tastes really bad Dad, I think they're stale.
Donald: That's NOT the point, Gerard. Now, what you do is twist open the cookie, and lick out the icing... (licks the white filling off the cookie)
Gerard: That's gay. (takes a swig of his milk)
Donald: Gee, don't use that word. (popping one side of the cookie in his mouth)
Gerard: Why not? (blinking)
Donald: Well it's not a synonym for sh*itty. (passing Gerard another cookie) Now, eat it the way I taught you.
Gerard: But they're stale. (staring at his dad, whose shoulders are shaking)
Donald: That. is. NOT. The. Point! (screaming)
Gerard: Woah. I'm gonna go play with my switchblade. Bye Dad. (hops off his chair)
Donald: Fine! Go tell all your satanic imaginary friends what a terrible father I am! (yelling loudly)
<a few minutes later; Donald sits Mikey down at the table on his booster seat>
Mikey: Do I get my cookie now, Daddy? (jumping up and down in his seat)
Donald: After you watch me eat mine. (taking an Oreo in his hand)
Mikey: Why do you eat in front of me, and not give me one? (frowning)
Donald: Because, Mikes, I am going to show you the family way of eating Oreos. (manic gleam in his eyes)
Mikey: You put it in your mouth, chew, swallow, and then I take my sippy cup and drink the white water. (claps his hands together)
Donald: No, Mikey... one, the white water is called milk. Two, there is a SPECIAL way to eat them.
Mikey: Special like Jesus... or Spiderman? (smiling widely)
Donald: No, Mikey... (exasperated; hands him an Oreo) Now, twist it open and-
Mikey: Finally! Cookie! (takes a bite)
Donald: No! (screaming) Eat. it. RIGHT!
Mikey: (makes a disgusted face) Daddy, they're stale.
Donald: (shaking uncontrollably) I KNOW they're stale!
Mikey: (shocked) I could get Herpes from that! (throws cookie against the wall)
Donald: Where did you learn that word? (blankly)
Mikey: TV. No, Gerard.... no, wait, TV... (ponders) No, it was DEFINETLY Gerard. (yawns widely, shaking his little head)
Donald: God damn... (letting out a low whistle)
Mikey: Can I go now? (looking over at the living room)
Donald: I don't care... (laughing hysterically)
Mikey: (seriously) Daddy; maybe you're not getting enough fibre in your daily diet. You should get Raisin Bran, there's TWO scoops of raisins, in Kellog's Raisin Bran, after all. And Grandma says bran has fibres. (pats his dad's arm, before taking his sippy cup and running into the living room)
<an hour later, Donald brings Frank into the kitchen and places him on Mikey's booster seat, and a couch cushion.>
Frank: Mister; why is I here? (confused)
Donald: Well son, I am going to teach you our family way of eating Oreos. (frazzled)
Frank: But I isn't in your guys' family. (more confused)
Donald: Sure you are Frankie! (smiling too widely for Frank's comfort level)
Frank: But... But if I is in your family- I can't marry your son...
Donald: (awkwardly) I'll just pretend I didn't hear that.
Frank: Good Stuff Doc. (puts his thumbs up) Ah dude, those cookies there look stale... like a fish.
Donald: (breathing heavily) I am QUITE aware that the cookies are stale.
Frank: Me LOVE fishy stale cookies! (takes an Oreo, twists it open, and licks the icing out. Then, eats the sides of the cookie one by one, and takes a swig of milk)
Donald: Y-you already know how to eat them right? (voice wavering)
Frank: I dunno if I is eatin' it right, but I is eatin' it like I wanna... (Donald faints) Mister Mikey's Daddy? (shrugs) More Nemo cookies for Fwankie! Hee hee! (jumps up on the table and begins eating the cookies right off the plate, laughing)
<*the end*>