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Episode #43: The Babysitter Incident
Episode #43: The Babysitter Incident
<Mikey is 1 and Gerard is 4>
(Donna and Donald have been invited to the Iero's for a baby shower. They are leaving Mikey and Gerard alone with a babysitter for the first time.)
Donna: Now Gerard, be on your best behavior for Tamara. (pulling on her jacket)
Donald: That means no 'accidental fires', young man. (handing Mikey to Tamara, who smiles reassurinely)
Gerard: But Daddy, those WERE accidents! How was I supposed to know that Toro's hair was flammable? I thought it was invincible. (innocently bats his eyelashes at Tamara)
Tamara: Don't worry about a thing, Mr. and Mrs. Way. I'm sure we'll get along just fine, won't we Gerard? (rests Mikey on her hip)
Gerard: I'm a nice boy... (smiles and puts his hands in his front pockets)
Donna: When you have an incentive to be... (pinches Mikey's cheeks as he giggles) Remember, bed time is at nine. No questions asked.
Tamara: Don't worry, he'll be sound asleep. Have fun visiting your friends. (Snuggling her nose against Mikey's.)
Donald: Yeah... (rolling his eyes as he opens the door) Linda...Cheech...and the new terror baby we've heard so much about.
Donna: Come on, we don't want to be late. (kisses Mikey and Gerard on the forehead before stepping outside and closing the door.)
Tamara: Okay, Gerard. Do you want to watch a movie? (placing Mikey on the carpet. He quickly crawls towards the wires behind the TV)
Gerard: No. I want to eat- I'm hungry. Mikey is too, judging how he is eating the wires for the VCR. (Tamara quickly spins around and claps a hand to her mouth)
Mikey: (giggling) Pasghetti! (chews on wire)
Tamara: No! Bad baby! (picks Mikey up and immediately furrows her brow)
Gerard: Ew. He smells! (smirks up at Tamara) And guess who gets to change him?
Tamara: B-but I've never changed a diaper before! (biting her lip)
Gerard: But you told my mommy that you had! (claps hand over mouth) You're a dirty liar!
Mikey: (gurgles) Ick!
Tamara: Ick is right! (carries Mikey into the kitchen. Flustered, sets him in a pot.)
Gerard: What the woozles is you doind?! (placing his hands on his hips)
Tamara: (biting her lip) Trying to figure out how to change his diaper.
Gerard: Oh. (sits on a stool) Then how do you roast a turkey?
Tamara: (glares at Gerard) Okay, Mr. Guniess. How do you propose I do it?
Gerard: Well, I'd bring it up to his room. Where his change table is. Mommy always does it up there, not in a pot.
Tamara: Right... (picking up Mikey and looking down at Gerard)
Mikey: Pot! (giggling, starts flailing his arms towards the lage pot)
Tamara: Come on, Mikey...changing time. Gerard, I'll be right back...behave mister! (starts up the stairs)
Gerard: I'm a good kid! Geesh...what did I ever do to make people think that I was evil!? (waits for Tamara to make it all the way up the stairs before running over to her messanger bag) Aha! This looks importantiful! (yanks out an essay and runs towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him)
*twenty minutes later*
Tamara: (pleading) Gerard, please! That's my essay on The Cask of Amontillado!
Gerard: The who in the what now? (giggles madly and flips through the papers)
Tamara: (from the other side of the bathroom door) It's about a guy that kills another dude! Now give it back! I only have one copy!
Gerard: Didn't the other babysitters warn you to have two copies of stuff when you come here? (evilly cackles and makes ripping sounds as he tears apart the cover page)
Tamara: I thought they were joking about how evil and twisted you were! (on the verge of tears)
Gerard: Nope. I'm pure evil. I'm going to grow up to be Satan. (whistles lowly as he stands up and walks over to the toilet.)
Tamara: Oh, that's adorable. (sarcastically) Now, open the god damn door and give me my essay!
Gerard: I'm telling my Mommy that you swore at me! (takes the essay and plops the first page in the toilet, then flushes)
Tamara: What was that? (panic flooding her voice)
Gerard: Page of The Cast of A-tomatoe-alo! (laughs evilly) Bye bye page!
Tamara: NO! (wailing)
Mikey: Bye bye Tomatooo!!! (waving)
Gerard: Are you ready to compromise? (walking over to the door)
Tamara: Compromise what, you little heathen!? (smacking her fist into the door)
Gerard: My bedtime. I think it should be extended by about...three hours. (smug)
Tamara: (laughing) No way, your parents would kill me.
Gerard: Would you rather your teacher kill you? Here goes page two! (flushes down the second page)
Tamara: Alright! Alright! Three hours! (crying) Just let the essay live, god damn it!
Gerard: Okay! (opens up the door and strolls out. Tamara rushes in to salvage the rest of her paper.)
Mikey: TV? (looking over at the wires behind the television)
Gerard: Nope... you're going to bed. I'm the babysitter now, and I hate you. So, YOU go to bed. (pats Mikey on the top of the head)
Mikey: Booger! (angrilly spits a bubble at Gerard's face)
Gerard: Oh, I'm shaking. (strolls off into the living room)
*Three Hours Later*
(Donna and Donald walk back into the house. Gerard is up watching a late night pychic hotline show; and Tamara is passed out on the table. Mikey is chewing on wires behind the TV, again.)
Donna: Oh my lord! Not again... (runs to pick up Mikey)
Mikey: No Pasghetti... (shakes his head)
Donald: (shakes Tamara's shoulder) Wake up. Um, Tamara?
Tamara: (startled) Don't flush it! I need to feed the monkeys with it! (looks around) Oh thank god...(begins to cry) Thank the lord! (hugs Donald)
Donald: It's alright...don't cry...(awkwardly pats her on the shoudler)
Tamara: No! You weren't here! My paper, Mikey's diapers...Turkey Pot...No Pasghetti!! (runs to the front door, pulling her coat on)
Donna: At least let us pay you-
Tamara: (laughing) No! I don't want your money! I just want out of here! (opens the door and runs out. Donna and Donald stroll into the living room and stand directly in front of the television)
Gerard: (feebly) Hiya Dad....Mommy...I love you?
<Mikey is 1 and Gerard is 4>
(Donna and Donald have been invited to the Iero's for a baby shower. They are leaving Mikey and Gerard alone with a babysitter for the first time.)
Donna: Now Gerard, be on your best behavior for Tamara. (pulling on her jacket)
Donald: That means no 'accidental fires', young man. (handing Mikey to Tamara, who smiles reassurinely)
Gerard: But Daddy, those WERE accidents! How was I supposed to know that Toro's hair was flammable? I thought it was invincible. (innocently bats his eyelashes at Tamara)
Tamara: Don't worry about a thing, Mr. and Mrs. Way. I'm sure we'll get along just fine, won't we Gerard? (rests Mikey on her hip)
Gerard: I'm a nice boy... (smiles and puts his hands in his front pockets)
Donna: When you have an incentive to be... (pinches Mikey's cheeks as he giggles) Remember, bed time is at nine. No questions asked.
Tamara: Don't worry, he'll be sound asleep. Have fun visiting your friends. (Snuggling her nose against Mikey's.)
Donald: Yeah... (rolling his eyes as he opens the door) Linda...Cheech...and the new terror baby we've heard so much about.
Donna: Come on, we don't want to be late. (kisses Mikey and Gerard on the forehead before stepping outside and closing the door.)
Tamara: Okay, Gerard. Do you want to watch a movie? (placing Mikey on the carpet. He quickly crawls towards the wires behind the TV)
Gerard: No. I want to eat- I'm hungry. Mikey is too, judging how he is eating the wires for the VCR. (Tamara quickly spins around and claps a hand to her mouth)
Mikey: (giggling) Pasghetti! (chews on wire)
Tamara: No! Bad baby! (picks Mikey up and immediately furrows her brow)
Gerard: Ew. He smells! (smirks up at Tamara) And guess who gets to change him?
Tamara: B-but I've never changed a diaper before! (biting her lip)
Gerard: But you told my mommy that you had! (claps hand over mouth) You're a dirty liar!
Mikey: (gurgles) Ick!
Tamara: Ick is right! (carries Mikey into the kitchen. Flustered, sets him in a pot.)
Gerard: What the woozles is you doind?! (placing his hands on his hips)
Tamara: (biting her lip) Trying to figure out how to change his diaper.
Gerard: Oh. (sits on a stool) Then how do you roast a turkey?
Tamara: (glares at Gerard) Okay, Mr. Guniess. How do you propose I do it?
Gerard: Well, I'd bring it up to his room. Where his change table is. Mommy always does it up there, not in a pot.
Tamara: Right... (picking up Mikey and looking down at Gerard)
Mikey: Pot! (giggling, starts flailing his arms towards the lage pot)
Tamara: Come on, Mikey...changing time. Gerard, I'll be right back...behave mister! (starts up the stairs)
Gerard: I'm a good kid! Geesh...what did I ever do to make people think that I was evil!? (waits for Tamara to make it all the way up the stairs before running over to her messanger bag) Aha! This looks importantiful! (yanks out an essay and runs towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him)
*twenty minutes later*
Tamara: (pleading) Gerard, please! That's my essay on The Cask of Amontillado!
Gerard: The who in the what now? (giggles madly and flips through the papers)
Tamara: (from the other side of the bathroom door) It's about a guy that kills another dude! Now give it back! I only have one copy!
Gerard: Didn't the other babysitters warn you to have two copies of stuff when you come here? (evilly cackles and makes ripping sounds as he tears apart the cover page)
Tamara: I thought they were joking about how evil and twisted you were! (on the verge of tears)
Gerard: Nope. I'm pure evil. I'm going to grow up to be Satan. (whistles lowly as he stands up and walks over to the toilet.)
Tamara: Oh, that's adorable. (sarcastically) Now, open the god damn door and give me my essay!
Gerard: I'm telling my Mommy that you swore at me! (takes the essay and plops the first page in the toilet, then flushes)
Tamara: What was that? (panic flooding her voice)
Gerard: Page of The Cast of A-tomatoe-alo! (laughs evilly) Bye bye page!
Tamara: NO! (wailing)
Mikey: Bye bye Tomatooo!!! (waving)
Gerard: Are you ready to compromise? (walking over to the door)
Tamara: Compromise what, you little heathen!? (smacking her fist into the door)
Gerard: My bedtime. I think it should be extended by about...three hours. (smug)
Tamara: (laughing) No way, your parents would kill me.
Gerard: Would you rather your teacher kill you? Here goes page two! (flushes down the second page)
Tamara: Alright! Alright! Three hours! (crying) Just let the essay live, god damn it!
Gerard: Okay! (opens up the door and strolls out. Tamara rushes in to salvage the rest of her paper.)
Mikey: TV? (looking over at the wires behind the television)
Gerard: Nope... you're going to bed. I'm the babysitter now, and I hate you. So, YOU go to bed. (pats Mikey on the top of the head)
Mikey: Booger! (angrilly spits a bubble at Gerard's face)
Gerard: Oh, I'm shaking. (strolls off into the living room)
*Three Hours Later*
(Donna and Donald walk back into the house. Gerard is up watching a late night pychic hotline show; and Tamara is passed out on the table. Mikey is chewing on wires behind the TV, again.)
Donna: Oh my lord! Not again... (runs to pick up Mikey)
Mikey: No Pasghetti... (shakes his head)
Donald: (shakes Tamara's shoulder) Wake up. Um, Tamara?
Tamara: (startled) Don't flush it! I need to feed the monkeys with it! (looks around) Oh thank god...(begins to cry) Thank the lord! (hugs Donald)
Donald: It's alright...don't cry...(awkwardly pats her on the shoudler)
Tamara: No! You weren't here! My paper, Mikey's diapers...Turkey Pot...No Pasghetti!! (runs to the front door, pulling her coat on)
Donna: At least let us pay you-
Tamara: (laughing) No! I don't want your money! I just want out of here! (opens the door and runs out. Donna and Donald stroll into the living room and stand directly in front of the television)
Gerard: (feebly) Hiya Dad....Mommy...I love you?