Silence You Lost Me

So, it was going to be like this, then? Fine…

After Brian went off to bed, I grabbed a bottle of Jack and a glass then poured some for myself. The door squealed open after a few minutes.

“Hey,” came a quiet squeak. My head shot up from my glass: Leana.

“Oh,” I cleared my throat, “hey.”

She sat beside me, “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

I looked away from her slowly, feeling self-conscious. I couldn’t push past the look on Brian’s face from before. I didn’t want to tell Leana everything. Could I? She’d understand I’m sure.

Biting my lip, I took another drink, “Things are just falling apart.”

She moved nearer, sipping from my glass then tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Aw, honey, tell me everything.”

So I did, surprisingly. She listened carefully, “So I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong. I’m going with what I want to do.”

“So you think Adalyn likes Syn?” I nodded, “Well, she could.”

“So what do I do?”

“Well, who do you want to go for?” she winked.

I took another sip of alcohol, poured more and sighed, “I don’t have a clue…”

She sent me a sad look and we both continued drinking, the feeling of nervous unease slowly fading. Leana stayed up with me for another hour and we finally went back to bed, her with Jimmy and I climbed back into my bunk, pushing past the lump that was Zacky.

When I woke up, everyone was out of bed and talking loudly in the living area. I stood shakily and fixed my hair before entering. I ignored everyone’s gaze, though I know it was on me. Sitting down on the couch, I crossed my legs and stared at the floor.

“Trin…?” came Mila’s voice beside me. I didn’t look up but listened completely. “Come on, what’s wrong?”

I looked up to find Matt’s eyes on me. Upon seeing me, he looked away at Johnny. I smirked, “Nothing.”

So, he was going to get all nervous around me? Sounds good.

Jimmy was sitting with Leana and his throat cleared, “Hey, girl. How’s my babe?”

“You mean Lee? She’s next to you, try asking her.” I joked, kissing Lee’s cheek.

Jimmy grinned, “Oh, hells yes!”

“What?” Lacey chuckled from beside Johnny. “Oh, no, more girl-on-girl.”

Matt and Brian’s eyes glued to us. Smirking at Matt I got up and walked beside him, pushing his muscular arm aside as I poured myself some coffee. I was still in Zacky’s shirt and I leaned over the counter, staring at the steaming cup. Matt breathed heavily and I smirked again.

“Hey Lee, can you come here for a minute?” I led her to the bunk room and we sat on my bed with the door closed.

Matt

My eyes trailed down her body again as she strutted over to the bunks. I couldn’t help but stare at her. She was beautiful, in all honesty. Yes, she kissed Brian, but was she right in the first place? I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.

Wait! Hold this shit! Why the fuck am I second-guessing myself? The mighty M. Shadows!? Never.

Sighing, I pretended to listen to Zacky’s comments on Brian’s story.

Jimmy jumped up and leaned against the door, pressing his ear to the wood.

I sent him a confused glance at to which he chuckled, “they might be making out.” Like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Shaking my head, I was sort of interested.

Trinity

“So, we totally need to do this.” Leana giggled, taking off her shirt. I bit my lower lip, not being in the presence of a half-naked girl in so long. “What?” she laughed.

“Nothing. You’re fucking gorgeous, baby.” And I took mine off too.

She giggled, “it’s like the old days…” she mumbled.

“Thought you didn’t like talking about it.” I giggled.

She breathed out, “okay, are we gonna do this or not.” As soon as she said that, the door burst open and in jumped Jimmy, slamming the door closed once inside and leaning against it, hands on either side of himself. He was breathless.

“Oh my God…oh, wait. Why aren’t you doing it?” Jimmy sighed, sulking.

We giggled and I covered my breasts.

“Oh, sweetie, it’s fine.” Lee pulled my hands away, revealing my nipples.

I grinned, leaning up and pulling Leana’s lips to mine. We moved together, giggling between kisses. Jimmy groaned inwardly, “This is what I’m talking about.”

I groaned, “Lee, when are we putting our action into play?” when I opened my eyes, Jimmy was beside us. We jumped, startled.

“What plan? Can I be in on said plan?”

Lee giggled and got up. She pulled out my bag and dug through some stuff. I felt slightly uncomfortable beside Jimmy, shirtless. He just grinned at me, completely content but still curious.

“Sure. We’re gonna make Matt jealous.”

“What?”

“Well, you see the way he looks at her. This is our plan: she wears something sexy and flirts and all that fun stuff, and BAM!” she threw a shirt at me, “he’s hanging all over her.”

“I’m not so sure this is going to work out…” I muttered.

She stood, “please, with a body like yours? Yeah, you need to show it, babe. Come on, put that on. Now.” I slid on the mini skirt she gave me: a brown school girl skirt with turquoise checkered print. She tossed me a tight turquoise corset. Putting it on, I stood up to find it showered skin and my belly ring; not a complete belly shirt but close enough.

“Holy shit.” Jimmy smiled, “If Matt doesn’t get hot and bothered by this, he’s gay.”

“Oh, I know.” Lee kissed my lips then pulled on some jeans and a tee.

I walked out into the other room, breathing as all eyes remained on me.

“Ready for something fun today?” I called.

Matt’s jaw dropped.

Brian began talking to me about what we were planning on doing tonight. His face lit up when I told him I thought to feel better, I’d dress up. He seemed happy that I was apparently feeling better. Well, let's let him believe that.

I noticed Adalyn sneak away to the other room. She glared at me. Scoffing in my head, I noticed Matt staring at me.

He grinned slightly then turned away.

My mind went into overdrive and I stormed over to him.

“Matt.” I whispered his name in his ear. “What the fuck?"

“What?”

Giggling, I sat on his lap, “You know, you didn’t talk to me when this shit happened. Now I dress up, and you’re all head over heels again.”

“Did I say I was?”

“Did I say I cared?”

He paused, “Well…no…but.”

“Exactly.” I readjusted myself on his knee. “Now, why don’t we chuck this not speaking problem up, yeah?”

“What problem? Everything that happened the other day?” I nodded. “It just was a low-blow. It’s all good.”

I nodded, “we weren’t together, I get that. But you have to understand that it meant something when we started…you know?”

“Fucking?” he lowered his voice and it tickled my neck as he breathed.

“Y-yeah.”

I saw another flash of that infamous smirk, “Well, we both fucked up, right? Chalk it up to experience. We’re good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” I spoke. In my head, my mind raced. NO I screamed inside. He can't do this! He hit me before! I can't give him a chance!

"Hey," Matt spoke, "you okay?"

Pausing I wondered if I should reply... YES! Tell him! Tell him you hate him, that your body hurts more than ever! He wasn't supposed to hit you! I bit my tongue. No, he hit me, yes but I wasn't exactly being a joy to be around. I was being a bitch! I shouldn't care. Right? Wrong! Dead wrong! Why won't you ever listen? Why do you put yourself through this? I was really beginning to get annoyed with my mind.

"Y-yeah, I'm good." I muttered.

And with that, he pressed his lips to mine. After kissing back for a minute, I pulled away. His eyes held confusion.

“Trin…?”

Grinning, I licked my lips and stood, trailing my bare leg across his slowly as I stood. “I said we were good…” I said, leaning toward his ear again, “but not that good.” I bit his ear, “-…yet.”

With that, I strutted back over to Brian, glancing over my shoulder once to see the huge bulge in Matt’s pants.

Oohh, I am good!

Though in my head, as Leana gave me a thumbs-up, my thoughts were screaming. Why do you put yourself through this?

My facade of confidence faltered and I stumbled to the couch. Because... I thought, I don't deserve any better...