Words, Words, Words

“I’m sorry,” Tom grumbles, staring at me with his hands shoved awkwardly into the front pockets of his jeans. He’s not really looking at me, though. He’s gazing right through me. I don’t exist to him anymore. To Tom, a selfish monster has taken my place. And it hurts, because what he’s saying is right.

I stare up at my once best friend with big, sad eyes, my mouth slightly ajar in shock. I can’t bring myself to say anything. But even if I could put my vocal cords to work, what would I say? It’s apparent an apology is too late. He won’t forgive me now. So instead, I just stare dumbly as Tom shrugs sluggishly. He turns on his heel before dashing up the stairs to the safety of his bedroom.

Slowly, I close my mouth and turn my head to look at Mackenzie. She’s been burning a hole in the side of my head since the beginning of Tom’s speech, obviously taken back by his outburst as well. When I meet her stare, she turns away, embarrassed for me. Quickly, she jumps up and follows Tom’s escape up the stairs.

I feel pathetically small at this point. My lifeboat has disappeared from underneath me, leaving me in the middle of the big, vast ocean. Further in the direction the waves are sending me in, I see a storm brewing. And now I’m all alone with nothing to save me from the harsh weather or the deep, blue sea’s cold grasp.

“Amelia,” I hear Oliver’s soft voice from beside me. I turn to look into his sympathetic eyes, making me feel even more pitiful. He’s kneeling in front of me, a small pout on his pink lips. In one swift motion, he stands up and offers his hand to me, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

I stare at his hand for a moment before letting mine slip into it. His rough skins clashes comfortably against my soft, warm palm. I get up, letting my eyes wander up to his face. His lips curve into a gentle smile before he begins walking towards the door. I follow him reluctantly, trying my hardest not to stumble over my own feet or give him a flat tire.

We walk out of the house, Oliver forgetting to lock the door behind him as he pulls out his keys and unlocks his car. He lets go of my hand before he makes his way to the driver’s side. I pull open the passenger door and slide in just as he does the same, shoving his key into the ignition. He grunts, “Seatbelt,” just as he pulls his own seatbelt over his torso and clicks it in. I obey his command as he puts the gearshift into reverse and backs out of the driveway.

As he zooms down the street, I stare at my hands. My mind keeps wandering back to Tom’s outrageous lecture. I hadn’t seen it coming at all. He always seemed fine, being my Medicine Man; my lifeboat. But I can’t help thinking that even if he had explained he was feeling neglected, things wouldn’t be any different. My problem is consuming, keeping my worries on myself. I never have time to think about anyone else, making me seem selfish as he had accused me of being.

Tears sting the back of my eyes but I force myself to keep them back; I refuse to cry again.

I lose myself in my thoughts, not paying attention to where Oliver’s taking me. My eyes stay down, staring at my twitching hands. It isn’t until the car comes to a stop and Oliver puts the car into park, pulling the keys from the ignition that I look up to see where we are.

The public park fills my sight. Dog walkers, parents and kids walk around, all heading towards the big, grassy field and the huge jungle gym. A flashback of earlier this morning comes rushing back to me, making me cringe as I think of how hastily I downed the large amount of junk food. My door opens from beside me, making me jump as I look up to see Oliver giving me a conspicuous look. I hadn’t even noticed him get out of the car.

“Thank you,” I mutter softly as I avoid his stare and slide out of the car. I fix my dress as Oliver shuts the door and locks the vehicle. He comes up behind me, his hand placing itself faintly on my hip. A wave of heat washes over me as he whispers into my ear, “Let’s walk around and talk; teh get yeh mind off things.”

I nod a little, walking towards the entrance of the park. Oliver keeps his hand on my hip, his step falling in unison with mine quickly. I feel that rush of sickness come over me, the familiar emotion of worry fill my every sense as I wonder if he can feel the roll of fat that falls over my hip. As we follow the trail in the park, I become a self-conscious wreck, keeping my eyes away from Oliver and letting my hair cover my face from him.

We both don’t say a thing until we get to the isolated bench far from the jungle gym with the screaming kids and the closer to the field. The dog walkers stay towards the end of the grassy area, letting the animals run around freely and make new friends. Oliver and I are completely alone, underneath the shadow of a large sycamore.

We sit on the same side of the brown wood bench, facing the jungle gym. I still ignore his deadly gaze as he stares me down. I pick at the hem of my short dress, feeling awkward as I nibble down on my bottom lip. Finally, he breaks the silence with a sigh as he says, “I wanted teh talk teh yeh abou’ the night behind Stocksbridge.”

I feel a lump in my throat as my hands freeze and I stop breathing all for a moment. I don’t exactly know what to say. The night shared behind Stocksbridge was confusing, but it was nice. I felt so close to Oliver, as if he finally accepted me. The kiss was just the cherry on top, adding actions to the emotions; a tender kiss with a tender apology. It wasn’t a big deal – but apparently, Oliver had different ideas.

“I don’ really know wha’ teh say,” He stutters roughly from beside me. I finally look up to see him staring down at me with a creased brow and a small frown. His hazel eyes look glazed over with disappointment, throwing me off. I gently cock my head to the side as I stare up at him innocently, waiting for him to go on.

But he doesn’t. Instead, the crease in his brow disappears with the frown and the look of disappointment. His face is blank as his hand lifts from his lap and slowly inches its way over to my face. The tip of his index finger softly grazes my jaw line, back and forth. The feel of his skin against mine makes my heart start racing again as I let out a shaky breath. A small smirk appears on his face as he leans down unexpectedly and presses his lips against mine.

Excitement pulses through me before I can take in what’s going on. I instantly kiss back, letting my hand reach up and cradle Oliver’s cheek delicately. His hand gently grips the side of my neck, the other one taking a hold of my waist. Lustfully, Oliver’s tongue grazes over my bottom lip, asking permission for an entrance. My mouth opens slightly, allowing his tongue to slip in and wander the unknown. His taste is indescribable but pleasing, making me smile against his lips.

Just as Oliver pulls me closer, I pull my lips from his unwillingly, staying close but not locked by the lips. I turn to look him in the eyes, taking in his charming smile as well. My stomach churns as I feel his hand slide over my shoulder and down my arm. The arm that was once had a tight grasp around my waist now releases itself and reaches for my hand on his cheek. He takes my hand into his lightly, before moving it from his cheek and pressing his lips softly against my fingers in a cliché matter. He keeps a hold on my hand, letting it fall in between us onto the bench before whispering, “It feels so righ’ teh be so close teh yeh.”

I glance at his lips as I find my mouth forming the words, “But it’s so wrong.”

A dark, engaging look overtakes his pretty boy features as his overgrown bangs fall into eyes. The smirk that plays on his lips matches perfectly as he mutters lowly, “I’m okay with it if yeh are.”

I stare at Oliver’s menacing presence as one question repeats itself in my head.

Am I okay with it?

He hurt me for seven years, said things that have affected me in the long run. I can’t run away from it now; it’s too late, I’m too deep, the damage has been done. But after a simple apology and a few heartfelt kisses, am I ready to give myself up to him, satisfy him by letting him know he has me wrapped around his finger with just a kiss?

I look up into those haunting hazel eyes once more and the answer becomes as clear as the moon in the starry night sky. A smile takes over my face as I stare back at him, feeling secure with the answer to my own question.