My Road Trip

What the hell is wrong with me. I cant believe what I just did, I cheated on Oliver. The man that I was falling in love with, I cheated on him. All because I thought he cheated on me, I didn’t even have proof. The guilt was starting to kick in.

“Oh my god.” I whispered, I stared at the bunk wall. I was laying in bed naked with Alex Gaskarth. Things got hot between us last night, leading into us both fucking.

I heard Alex let out a huge sigh, I could tell he felt terrible. I closed my eyes, tears building up in my tear drops. One escaped, I wiped it away.

“Remmie-”

“You don’t need to say it Alex, we both fucked up.” I said with a sniffle. Here comes the water works again.

I felt Alex sit up and look at me. “Remmie I am so incredibly sorry. I feel like a piece of shit right now.” Alex said. We didn’t mean to have sex last night, it was sort of the spur of the moment. We were both drunk and then the next thing we knew, we were in a bed with clothes flying off.

I swallowed back my tears what seemed like for the hundredth time. I sat up slightly, keeping the sheet wrapped around me. I looked at Alex, guilt was written all over his face. I bet it was written all over mine.

“I-I-I have to go Alex.” I said, I looked around for my clothes.

Alex slipped his boxers on and got out of the bunk, I pulled my bra and panties on. Then yanked on my shirt and jeans. Grabbing my socks and pulling those on, I slipped my feet into my shoes. One glance around before grabbing my sweatshirt and coat. I looked at Alex one more time, he rubbed the back of his head.

“Remmie, is there anything-” he started.

I just swallowed and shook my head. “No.” I whispered and ran out of the room.

I ran, just ran. Wasn’t sure where my legs were taking me, I put on my hoody and coat while running. I found myself in front of Bring Me The Horizon’s tour bus. I gulped before opening the door and stepping onto it.

Lucky for me they were all gone. I ran to the bunk room, running up to my bunk I grabbed my tote. I yanked open my suit case and dug through my clothes. Grabbing all my old clothes and stuffing it into my tote. Like how I had when first starting out following Bring Me The Horizon on tour.

“I fucked up, I fucked up royally. I cant do this anymore, he doesn’t deserve this.” I said finishing up my packing. I glanced around the room one more time, I had everything.

Walking back out to the common area, I took a seat at the table. Grabbing the note pad and pen set out. I stared at the piece of paper, this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I couldn’t do this anymore, I don’t think I could.

With all my might and will power, I began to write. I wrote Oliver a long note, letting him know I was leaving. And that I loved him and wish him the very best in life and to have a nice rest of the tour.

Signing my name I folded the piece of paper, writing Oli’s name on it. Not sure where to leave it, I walked back to his bunk and placed it on top of his pillow. Walking back out there, I grabbed my tote and without looking back. I walked off the bus.

I didn’t know my way around Switzerland but I am pretty sure I can get around. It cant be that hard, at least I don’t think. Once I finally made it out of the array of tour buses and onto the streets. I had some money but not a lot, I was thinking about maybe walking until I find someone who could help me. Maybe by accident I will run into someone heading to Sheffield. That would be a miracle.

Not caring where I headed, I just wanted to get as far away from this place as possible. I didn’t want Oli to find me, I was scared of what he would say to me. So walking rather quickly, I headed deeper into town.

I weaved in and out of people, apparently today was the day that everyone wanted to go shopping. Some of the shops here looked rather interesting. So I decided I had time to kill, so I stepped into an antique shop. The bell above the door dinged and an older gentlemen poked his head around a corner. He smiled. “Hello.” he said. His accent was thick, could totally tell he was from here.

“Hello.” I said back. I took a step and looked around the shop.

I must say, there were a lot of cool neat looking things in this place. Going down one aisle, I saw this old Polaroid camera. I gasped and stopped. I picked it up carefully. “Tom would love this.” I said turning it over trying to find a price tag.

But after saying that I stopped, I stared at the camera. What are you doing Remmie. You aren’t staying with them anymore. I thought.

Slowly I put the camera back on the shelf. I continued to stare at it. I knew Tom would love that camera, he likes old cameras. It was fairly cheap too, I had enough money for it. Without thinking, I grabbed the camera and headed toward the old man. I set it on the counter and gave him the money.

“Into photography?” he asked.

“Nah, but my friend is. I know he will love it.” I said. Watching the man wrap it up.

“Awh, that is very nice of you to buy this for him.” he said, handing it to me.

“Uh, I was kind of wondering if you could maybe send it to him for me? I will give you extra money and his address.” I pulled out my wallet but the old man put his hand up.

“I would be happy to send it for you.” he smiled and pushed a pad of paper and pen toward me. I wrote down his address and pushed it back.

“Thank you sir.” I smiled before turning and walking away.

I continued my way down the busy streets. Wondering what I was going to do for the night. Hoping I could find somewhere to sleep, if I slept outside, I wouldn’t last long in this cold.

Deciding I wanted to sit in a park, I found one. Walking around until I found a bench. Which happened to be right in front of a pond, a thick layer of ice was over it. People were out there skating. I watched as little kids zoomed around on the ice. I also watched as couples skated around too.

A lump grew in my throat, seeing these couples killed me. Because I honestly could picture me and Oliver doing something like this. Why does everything remind me of him. I thought.

Because dumbass you are in love with him and want to be in his arms right now.

This was true, I did want to be in Oli’s arms right now. How much I missed him and lingered for his kiss. How badly I wanted to call him mine again.

He is still your’s. Go back to him, running away wont solve anything. Go back to Oliver right now.

I ignored the voice in my head. Grabbing my tote, I turned and headed further away from the tour buses.

Remmie, you’re fucking up.