Suicidal

I walked all around town and the only reason was Tom. It would kill him inside. I decided to do it, the next night. See, everything in my life is fucked up. My so-called boyfriend dumped me. I found out my best friend and some of my other friends absolutely hate me. So, I only have two friends. One I’ve been avoiding up until now, because she was in love with me. I can’t help it. The girl’s in my school are such homophobes. I can’t talk to the other one, it is really awkward and we have nothing to talk about. Maybe I’ll go with the lesbian. She’s great. I just can’t stand being called a lesbo at this point in my life. It would take me down soo much. She’s called Joanna. My school grades are so bad; I think I got 2 Ds and 4 Fs this year. My parents will go mental if they find out.
Nobody would stop me, so I decided to do it. I was going to kill myself. You see, I know this really tall building. It’s a block of flats, except the front lock is broken. You can easily get in. There’s stairs up to the top and it’s a large roof. Nobody would be able to see you fast enough. And everybody goes up here at night just to look, so no one will suspect anything. I had my note for my family and friends all written. It was in my backpack I had with me now. I just had to hope no one would suspect a thing.
So I went home and prepared myself. No one was home, so I placed the suicide note on the table. I knew no one would be home until about seven, which would be enough time. I packed my school books, as usual, and then I packed drugs. I planned to OD and then jump. It was the only way I’d have guts. Seriously. I would be better off dead, but I don’t think I’d have the guts without my junk. I’m not addicted or anything, though.
School was shit. We had to pair up all day and I had to work on my own. I’m getting called a loner now. I think I would prefer being called a lesbo by those homophobics. It’s not really that fair, but still.
Anyway, after school, I went to the park and had a little swing. It made me cry. I had good memories on that swing. It was where I’d gone when I was sad or mad for a long, long time. Then I went to my house and just looked for 5 minutes. But then I thought the neighbours would get suspicious. Old Mrs. Darpick was out gardening. She’s quite nosey, though, so I went after a short time. I walked round a bit, and then plucked up the courage. There was a security guard at the building. I waited for a bit, but then decided I would have to get in somehow, he wouldn’t go until late, and then my parents would be home.
I went up to the security guard and walked in past him. He didn’t even try to stop me. I swear he was stoned, or a stone. He didn’t move the whole time, but he made these weird grunting noises. Anyway, I went up the stairs. It was quite a long way up. 20 floors. Just before I went out, I took the junk. I took way too much. I thought I’d better hurry or the drugs would take effect before I could control myself.
I went out, running, and there he was. Tom. He just stood there staring at me for a while. Not too long, although I started to feel the drugs take their effect. I needed to hurry it up quickly.
“I can’t let you do this, Hilary.” He said.
“Why?” I said, “Why? My life is so fucking ridiculous I can’t even imagine how it could be better.”
“Hilary,” He started, “It would kill me. And if I do it instead of you, you know better than to give mum two deaths on one day. I don’t want you to die so much, I am prepared to do it instead of you.”
“You weren’t meant to be home ‘til 6,” I exclaimed, as it was very hard to concentrate. “How did you know I was here?” Suddenly the drugs made me so loopy I couldn’t do anything but fall and lie there, having a fit.
“I came home early,” Tom shouted, “Hil, are you okay? Listen, I’ve phoned an ambulance and he will be here any minute. For you. I will be long gone. Tell mum why, and that I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Hilary. Goodbye.”
Then Tom walked to the edge of the building and everything went black.