It just ain't living

Arriving at Phillips house Mikey was mentally exhausted. All he was thinking about was Sienna, anything and everything he could possibly think of.

Mikey knew time would heal the void he had right now but his heart break over losing his soul mate he wondered if that would ever heal.

Mikey was longing to have Sienna by his side to hear her soft voice to be able to touch her again but it was of no use as he knew that she would never be returning and all he was going to have was his memories of the woman that touched his life, the woman who on 1st meeting him was reluctant to go on a first date as Sienna had put it ‘she didn’t mix business with pleasure’ but her heart was captured and with that Sienna was well aware
Mikey had captured hers.

Mikey walked in Sienna’s room where upon opening the door he could smell her scent it was like she was standing next to him as he pictured her in his mind. Mikey just wasn’t willing to let go even if he was aware that Sienna would want him to, he loved her to much and inside everything was falling around him, curling up on her bed, tears began to fall on to the soft crisp sheets while he hugged in to the Sienna’s pillows where he could smell her perfume.

There was a knock at the door and in walked Frank “Hey Mikey…how you doing?” he asked

Mikey looked at him blankly unable to say many words as he was consumed with guilt and hate over his wife being taken away from him “I’m ok”

“Why don’t you come downstairs everyone has wondered where you have gotten to”
“I don’t want to…I want to stay here” Mikey replied
“Sure dude…I’ll let them know to leave you in peace” Frank started to walk away but then turned around “Mikey I know your hurting but this will get better, just let it out don’t bottle it up”
“I’m trying Frankie...it’s so hard and I miss her so much”

Frank walked up to Mikey and gave him a brotherly hug, Mikey held tight and thanked Frank for listening him. Eventually Mikey got up again and made his way out of Sienna’s room and back to where his family and friends were.

Walking back in to the lounge Mikey could see that Phillip was showing photo’s of his daughter to Gerard and the rest of the guys. Looking around he saw some unfamiliar faces who he assumed must have worked with Sienna or been friends with her at church.
A young woman walked up with short blonde hair “Hello...Im Lauren….I was a friend of Sienna’s back in college; I just wanted to pass on my deepest sympathy to you and your family.”
Mikey looked up at her and smiled “Thanks” he whispered

The rest of the day went along soothingly; Mikey had met many of Sienna’s friends and her extended family. After everyone had started to leave Mikey and his family stayed behind in order to help Phillip clean up who was actually coping very well. He’d had a wonderful time talking about his daughter.

Mikey went and sat down with Phillip “So Michael how are you doing today?”
“Ahh…It’s hard…I miss her so much and everything is just reminding me of her”
“I know it’s hard but it will get better, no one expects you at all to forget her but you will find it easier to cope, she will always be here watching over all of us”
“I know Phillip but I wish I just had her here with me”
“Unfortunately we don’t always get what we want, It was may not have been Sienna’s time but she had come to accept her fate, Life doesn’t always give us what we want if anything we just need to make the most out of what he have….So what I’m trying to say Michael Sienna would not want you to dwell over her death she would want you to be happy and live your life to the fullest”
“I know this everyone is saying it...but no one understands what I’m going through...I’ve lost the love of my life and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it, she should still be here” Mikey replied with tears falling down his face

Phillip could understand where Mikey was coming from as he knew what it felt like when he lost his wife so many years ago.

The evening progressed and Mikey stayed at Phillips, going up to Sienna’s room Mikey started to have a look around her room to see if he was able to uncover any secrets on his now deceased wife, looking over at her desk he came across her To Do list, reading it he saw what her number one thing to do was to get married in the church where her mother had also been married he could see that Sienna had highlighted it and put smiley faces around it with writing next to it saying accomplished. Putting the piece of paper down he started to look to see if there were any photos.

Opening one of the desk drawers he noticed a small white box, Written on top of it was labelled ‘My most treasured memories’ looking inside there were photo’s of Mikey and Sienna at different stages in there relationship, Mikey picked up a particular one that caught his eye it was of Sienna looking over at Mikey with loving eyes and a huge smile on her face, written on the back was Mikey the love of my love, may our love last forever.

Mikey was so touched by the words that Sienna had written, he continued to look at the photo’s and saw that Sienna even had a couple of magazine clippings of when Mikey had been photographed for interviews. Placing everything back in the box he placed it on top of the desk to remind himself to take it home the next day. Looking in more of the drawers Mikey then came across a black diary, having a glance he saw that Sienna had written in it everyday.

Flipping the pages Mikey glanced over at what Sienna had written, what caught his eye was when he saw his name – he decided to read

Well Mikey and I have been ‘dating’ now for a couple of weeks and it is so exciting I can’t believe that I have met such a wonderful person – how I deserve something like this I will never know.
I literally can’t keep the smile off my face seeing him makes me tingle these are such new feelings to me, I just want to scream his name from the top of a building.

Mikey smiled as he continued to read more of Sienna’s diary entries

I have just come back from seeing the doctor for like the millionth time and I’ve been told that there is nothing they can do for my cancer, it is too aggressive and the Chemo 2nd time around hasn’t worked. I’m not scared I can’t let it get to me I have to be stronger then that. I love my life and I have tried to live it to the best but as they say life works in mysterious ways.
If anything I’m sad that I’m going to leave Mikey…I believe in him and I know he will be ok it may take time but he will survive.
The worst is there is so much I want to do with my life, the first and foremost is wanting to enjoy being married to my husband I truly wished that I could grow old with him which I know isn’t going to happen and that’s what brings my tears on

Mikey could feet as though while he was reading that it was actually Sienna there with him by his side talking to him, he could picture her right next to him, Mikey continued to flip through the pages where he came across an entry of Sienna’s when she had written about being married

WOW I have just gotten married and to the most sweet, sensitive caring person in the whole entire world, it was more then I ever expected. I remember when first ever laying eyes on Mikey in that first ever interview I done, I thought nothing of him and now I’m married to him or the second time we met as I think about it now when we first had our date he asked ‘do you think that its fate that we met again’ and I replied no but truly thinking about it, it certainly was fate, Fate brought us together and I thank it everyday J for bringing such a wonderful person in to my life who I can share experiences with. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

Mikey was touched by what Sienna had written, he had found his wife to be such a beautiful person and he would cherish her memory and the person that she was for the rest of his natural life, lying on Sienna’s bed he wrapped him self in her blankets and fell asleep.