It just ain't living

Time had flown by quickly for Mikey which he didn't like, 2 weeks had
passed since Sienna was buried and it had been 3 weeks since she had
passed away.

Everyday was a constant struggle with Mikey as he tried to cope with his
pain in amongst that trying to mourn the loss of his wife.

Many days were spent at Sienna's childhood home where Mikey and Phillip
were in the midst of going through Sienna's belongings. Many photo's had
been located along with a box of journals which Sienna had written in.
Glancing over them Mikey noticed she had kept diaries nearly her entire
life.

When it came time to go through Sienna's wardrobe both men helped each
other with Sienna's clothes' they were put in to boxes as Phillip had
decided Sienna would have wanted them to be donated.

Doing all this Mikey saw it as getting rid of Sienna's belongings and he really didn't
want to be a part of it, he felt like it was throwing memories of Sienna
away when all he wanted to do was keep everything he had of hers so that
he could be constant reminded.

In side Mikey just wasn't ready to move on he would say the words but
they had no meaning it was rather bland. After going through most of
Sienna's stuff and categorising it, Mikey decided to go to the cemetery
where Sienna was buried.

Driving the short drive Mikey parked his car and walked to Sienna's
plot, he noticed there were fresh flowers, so he was sure that some one
had been there to visit her, Mikey had gone every other day as he felt
this was were he was able to talk to Sienna even if she couldn't reply
back.

Putting some fresh gerbera's in the vase that was beside Sienna's
headstone, tears began to flow from Mikey's face - looking at the
headstone Mikey stared at the photo of Sienna and spoke "I know I'm
really just talking to thin air, but Sienna I miss you so much I wish
there was a way I could bring you back...you believed in me to be strong
but it's so hard when I don't have you in my life anymore. Its like I
cant be here anymore I wanna be with you I'm not scared and I'm going to
carry on, but I swear if I just had one moment to see you again I'd
never let you go"

Mikey finished talking to Sienna's headstone and left to go back to his
family home where his family were waiting for him, all believed in Mikey
as much as Sienna had and they wanted him to get stronger and not to
forget Sienna but certainly move on to bigger and better things with his
life as Sienna had wanted as well.

Getting home Mikey decided to put his DVD of when Sienna and him were
married, sitting in the lounge he watched it from start to end which
took a couple of hours. Mikey's parents could see that he was down but
there was only so much they could do they had offered to talk to him as
had Gerard as they were both extremely close and would often to talk to
one another if there was any problems, But Mikey at the moment wasn't
willing to open up to anyone.

Mikey was aware in order for him to grieve and heal he needed to let go
but he was holding on wanting to have Sienna still by his side , Mikey
was unable to contemplate that she was never coming back he was going
through the phase where he couldn't accept it even though she was no
longer here.

There was only so much his parents could do as they could see there son
was spiralling out of control more content on being a hermit rather
then facing the real world, they were at a loss as what to do in order
for there son to get better.

Everything had finally been cleared from Sienna's room back at her
childhood home and Mikey was coming by to pick up the belongings that he
wanted to keep. After packing everything in to his car Mikey went in and
to see how Phillip was doing.

"So Phillip how have you been?" Mikey asked
"I'm doing fine Michael...I miss her but I know she didn't want us to be
sad...she is in a better place with god..NO more suffering and I am
happy for that my daughter is now at peace and that is how you should
be. No one is asking you to forget her but Sienna wants you to be able
to move on and deal with your life"
"I know I feel like I'm only getting worse...I don't know what to do"
"Michael you need to forgive...it sounds as though your blaming Sienna
for leaving even if you don't mean it, Forgiveness is always the first
step in order to heal"
"How am I meant to do that?"
"Talk to her, by expressing yourself it will allow you to know how you
feel and how to move on"
"I do talk to her and it does make me feel better but then I get this
feeling where I need to have her back, where she shouldn't have left...I
don't think I blame her I blame the cancer, I hate it with a vengeance"
"Well there you go Michael..you have acknowledged where your problem
lies, no one is telling you that you will heal straight away it does
take time and you need to take as much time as you need but by
identifying what is causing you to hurt so much...you will be able to
move on from that and see everything in a different light. I know my
daughter and she loved you very much she would want you to overcome
this"

Mikey started to see things in a different light; it was as though
because he had been talking about his problems a weight had been lifted
off of his shoulders, Over the next few months Mikey indeed did heal
though he was going to always miss the love of his life he was able to
move on and look at his time with Sienna in a positive manner in which
she would have been very proud of.

THE END!!!