I Won't See You Tonight

"To be more exact, I found my stepfather's dead body."

I don't know what kind of reaction I was expecting from Matt. It was most definitely not the one he gave.

He looked at me like he felt sorry for me. Like he thought I was the most innocent being and should never have had to experiance something like that.

"I'm so sorry, Em." He finally said after what seemed like forever.

"You aren't freaked?"

"I don't understand why I would be." Oh, that Matt. Val was one very lucky lady. And so was I, for having him as just a friend.

"I've seen a dead body. That kind of thing doesn't leave you exactly mentally healthy."

"Well, what happened?"

"Suicide, he shot himself in the head." I bluntly said.

"Gross."

"You're tellin' me."

"And you had to see all that?" He asked, I nodded. "You still seem pretty 'mentally healthy' to me."

"You don't see what goes on in my head. All the images, the flashbacks to seeing him like that." I said while shaking me head."It's horrible. I would never wish this on anybody. To see that..." I felt my eyes start to glaze over.

"So this is why you were crying in history the other day?" he asked as he studied my face. I just nodded again, afraid if I spoke anymore the tears would fall.

"And so you moved to get away from all of that?" I nodded. "Why go as far as California?"

"We just needed a total change. Fairbanks is a very small town, Huntington is anything but. I mean i have the option of meeting somebody new every single day. There is nothing common between Fairbanks and OC."

"Were you close to your step-dad?"

"Not entirely. I just know that he loved my mom and took real good care of us."

"Your mom must be devestated."

"She is," I said while nodding, "She's trying to stay strong and everything, but I can see right through her. That's the main reason why I'm doing all of this. I'm trying to be stong for her. I wanna do anything I can to help her."

"You and your mom are close then?" Matt observed.

"Very. She's my best friend. At times, we're all eachother has. I hate that she has to be going through all of this." I said, Matt nodded.

We were quiet for a while after that, actually paying attention to what the teacher was mumbling. At least, I was acting like I was. Now that I had brought the past up, it wouldn't leave my mind.

I was never really close to my stepfather. He was a great guy, we just never clicked. He and my mother were married for seven years. Half of that time I spent taking care of my brother, and then trying to detox him.

But finding him the way he was, that would damage anybody, close to him or not.

I wasn't going to let it hold me down the rest of my life. I was determined to make sure that it wasn't a permanent part of me, of who I am.

It hadn't even been a full month yet. So, the visions still haunted me on a regular basis. I was grateful for any distractions that I could possibly get. Moving away from my friends scared me, I needed them now more than ever. And yet, so far, I hadn't heard from any of them. I left my aunt's number, and address. So there really wasn't any excuse for them to not have gotten in touch with me by now. Every time I tried calling them, I get voicemail.

I sighed as I turned back to Matt.

He was taking notes. Such a good student.

The last thought made me laugh out loud. Matt turned to me with a confused look.

"You're taking notes?"

"Yeah, how else am I supposed to know this stuff? There's no way I can remember it."

"Yeah, but...you, Matt. You're taking notes." I said, still giggling.

"I still don't see what's so funny about it." He said with a small smile, my hysteria becoming contagious.

"I'm not exactly sure either." I said. I finally stopped laughing as the bell rang. I looked out in the hall and my face grew serious.

I grabbed Matt's arm, well as much as my hand could grab.

"Please don't tell the others. I'm not ready for everyone to know yet." He looked me dead in the eyes and gave one stiff nod before walking away. I followed quickly after.

I stuffed my physics book in my locker and grabbed my pre-calculus book.

I walked into my next class, and a wave of energy hit me.

"Zacky-kins!" I yelled out, when I seen him sitting in the desk next to mine.

"Hello, Emelyne." He smiled back to me. It reminded me of our weird grin-fest this morning.

Mr. Crawley was already in the room when the bell rang. Everyone was here. Everyone but Jimmy.

"I am going to kick that skinny motherfucker's ass!" I whispered to Zacky.

"Where would he be?" I growled, my good mood completely vanishing.

I couldn't help Jimmy, if he wouldn't help himself.

"Uh," Zacky looked momentarily frightened, and confused, "Jimmy...he could be multiple places."

"Help me find him?" I asked, sweetly.

"After this class?" He asked. I nodded and turned toward the teacher.

This class was going to go by so slow.

I laid my head down on my desk, not a bit interested in what the teacher had to say.

I'm not sure how much later it was when the door opened and someone came in.

"How nice of you to join us, Mr. Sullivan. Take your seat." My head snapped up and I met Jimmy's gaze with a glare.

Oh, was he in trouble!

"I can explain," he mouthed to me as he sat on the other side of Zacky.

"Oh, you better." I mouthed back.

Class finished soon after that and I met up with Jimmy as he walked to the door.

"It wasn't my fault, and I wasn't skipping."

"Explain."

"My old dealer met up with me."

"Your dealer goes to school here?"

"Yeah."

"Well, who is it?" I asked.

"I can't tell you that."

"You have to, Jimmy. That way I can keep them away from you."

"I don't think you can. I still owe money, and they aren't too happy about losing a client."

"How much money?"

"You aren't paying it. Nobody is but me. It's my debt."

"How much money, Jimmy?"

"Four hundred and fifty dollars."

So much for going shopping this weekend.

"Tell them you will have it by five o'clock tonight."

"No, Emelyne."

"Jimmy, I'm getting you out of this. Weather you realize it or not, there are people who care about you. They don't want to see you like this. Think about Tessa."

"Why do you keep bringing her up?" He asked as he stopped walking down the hall.

"Because I know what it's like to be so close to your brother and then lose him from drugs. I never got my brother back, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen to her."

"I didn't realize it was so personal for you." He said as he continued walking. The way we were headed, he was walking me to my horticulture class.

"It is. Plus, I do care about you. You're my friend. I would do anything for my friends." I said, and he stayed silent as we reached the greenhouse.

"So, it's settled then." I said as I opened the door.

"W-what?"

"I'm paying." I sipped inside the room and left Jimmy before he could refuse.

It was then, when I seen her smiling face, that I realized what paying would cost me.