I Won't See You Tonight

Should I turn to comedy? Come up with some random, bizarre story?

Or should I not answer, continue panicking, and figure out something else later?

I was suddenly aware of someone very close by me.

"Are you having another panic attack? Are you okay?" Zacky asked, taking a firm grasp of my arms and looking me straight in the eyes.

My mind went blank.

"Yeah"

"Yeah, you're having a panic attack or yeah you're okay?"

"Yeah..m'okay."

"You sure?" Zacky asked, concern in his eyes. I smiled.

"I'm fine. But to answer your question Matt, it's kinda personal. So let's just go with 'I had to'." Yay for honesty! I felt so relieved.

It was weird. Just looking at Zacky and I knew exactly what I had to do, what I had to say. The truth, of course. How could I even contemplate lying to these people? My friends.

"Oh, alright then." Matt said and everyone continued on with their previous conversations.It was so very strange how it was such a huge deal to me, almost inducing another panic attack, and to them it was so little.

But they haven't seen the things that I have. They don't know what really happened. They could not even begin to fathom why I would consider lying, why I panicked so bad.

They had never seen a dead body.

I sat next to Matt again in history. Everyone treated me like I was part of the group. No weirdness for the random crying yesterday, or the freak out today at lunch. These were really great people. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Well there's a total 360." Matt said, and I glanced over and seen he was talking to me.

"What do ya mean?"

"Just from yesterday to today. It's like the total opposite. Are you feeling more comfortable here?"

"Yeah, actually. I'm really starting to like it." I said, still smiling.

"Good," Matt smiled back, "So would you want to hang with us later today? Our whole group is getting together, including some people you haven't met yet."

"Oh really? Sure. Where?"

"I think we're meeting at the beach. There's no telling where we'll go from there."

"Okay. How many people are in the group that I haven't met?" I asked. I don't exactly like having to meet new people, and if there were a lot I'd rather get it over with in one night.

"Just a few. Maybe four." He shrugged.

"Alrighty.What time tonight?"

"Sevenish."

"'Kay, I'll be there."

"Are you going tonight, with the others?" I asked Zacky on our walk home.

"Yeah, are you?"

"Yes."

"Cool, wanna walk there together?"

"Sure." I said with a smile. I felt that wondrous feeling of butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

Nothing good could become of this.