I'm Feeling Like I'm Lost, Like I'll Never Be Found
1
I sat on the stoop outside, waiting for someone to come and tell me to get my ass back inside.
I've been fighting with my parents a lot lately, and now I'm fighting back.
They took so many things away from me for no apparent reason, so I thought, what else can they do?
I sat there for a while, and no one came out.
I did not want to go back in there, so I just sat there. Soon I began to cry.
I heard the sound of a skateboard's wheels rolling down the street. I looked up and saw a stranger staring at me from a distance.
He had caring eyes on, and just looked at me as he rolled down the street. Soon he came to the end of the block, and turned the corner and that was the last I saw of him.
I wanted to call one of my friends and just talk to them. It always makes me feel better, but they're all away for a while, and their cell phones are out of service.
My dad came out about ten minutes later than when I came outside. I tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap.
I squirmed and tried to get away from his grip but he held me tight, like he cared. Psh! Yea right!
"What's the matter Rachel?"
I smiled the best I could and looked straight into his eyes, "Nothing." I looked down and whispered to myself, "everything."
"Rachel, sweetie-"
"Don't call me your sweetie."
His face tightened a little with anger.
"I'll call you what I want. You're my daughter."
"That you don't trust, and don't love."
"Who in the world says that I don't love you. Of course I do!"
"Well you're not doing a very good job of showing it."
I got free while he was in shock. I walked over to the light post that's in front of our house.
"Honey," There he goes again, "we trust you, and we love you. We're just trying to protect you from other people who can hurt you."
"You obviously don't trust me enough to let me go."
At this point my mom came out too.
I looked at her with a look that could kill and said "That's it, I'm out of here."
I walked down the sidewalk, and didn't look back. I heard my mom yelling for me to get back there.
"I'm 15! I don't need you to know what I'm doing all the time! Just leave me alone!"
Soon I heard footsteps behind me, and a hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed it so I would turn around.
My mom's face was filled with red pigments from anger, and she looked like she was going to kill me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"
"Anywhere, away from you."
"No, you're not, you're staying right here."
"Ok, at least its not in that house that you live in."
"Ok smartass, I meant the house."
"I'm sorry, I don't listen to people who curse at me. And I especially don't let other people boss me around."
"I'm your mother."
"And that makes me listen to you?!"
Her teeth clenched and I jerked my shoulder away from her and turned around, so I could keep walking down the sidewalk.
"Rachel get back here."
I turned around and shook my head, turned back around and started to run.
"Rachel!"
"What! What in the world do you want from my life! You already took everything else away, there's nothing else you can take. Do you want my dignity, cause that's all that I can offer. And by the way, I don't lose dignity easily."
My mom pursed her lips. In a calm voice (that she was trying to pull off) she said, "Rachel, get back here right now."
I turned back around and continued to run. Surprisingly, they didn't yell, or come after me.
They just turned around and walked back home.
I've been fighting with my parents a lot lately, and now I'm fighting back.
They took so many things away from me for no apparent reason, so I thought, what else can they do?
I sat there for a while, and no one came out.
I did not want to go back in there, so I just sat there. Soon I began to cry.
I heard the sound of a skateboard's wheels rolling down the street. I looked up and saw a stranger staring at me from a distance.
He had caring eyes on, and just looked at me as he rolled down the street. Soon he came to the end of the block, and turned the corner and that was the last I saw of him.
I wanted to call one of my friends and just talk to them. It always makes me feel better, but they're all away for a while, and their cell phones are out of service.
My dad came out about ten minutes later than when I came outside. I tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap.
I squirmed and tried to get away from his grip but he held me tight, like he cared. Psh! Yea right!
"What's the matter Rachel?"
I smiled the best I could and looked straight into his eyes, "Nothing." I looked down and whispered to myself, "everything."
"Rachel, sweetie-"
"Don't call me your sweetie."
His face tightened a little with anger.
"I'll call you what I want. You're my daughter."
"That you don't trust, and don't love."
"Who in the world says that I don't love you. Of course I do!"
"Well you're not doing a very good job of showing it."
I got free while he was in shock. I walked over to the light post that's in front of our house.
"Honey," There he goes again, "we trust you, and we love you. We're just trying to protect you from other people who can hurt you."
"You obviously don't trust me enough to let me go."
At this point my mom came out too.
I looked at her with a look that could kill and said "That's it, I'm out of here."
I walked down the sidewalk, and didn't look back. I heard my mom yelling for me to get back there.
"I'm 15! I don't need you to know what I'm doing all the time! Just leave me alone!"
Soon I heard footsteps behind me, and a hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed it so I would turn around.
My mom's face was filled with red pigments from anger, and she looked like she was going to kill me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"
"Anywhere, away from you."
"No, you're not, you're staying right here."
"Ok, at least its not in that house that you live in."
"Ok smartass, I meant the house."
"I'm sorry, I don't listen to people who curse at me. And I especially don't let other people boss me around."
"I'm your mother."
"And that makes me listen to you?!"
Her teeth clenched and I jerked my shoulder away from her and turned around, so I could keep walking down the sidewalk.
"Rachel get back here."
I turned around and shook my head, turned back around and started to run.
"Rachel!"
"What! What in the world do you want from my life! You already took everything else away, there's nothing else you can take. Do you want my dignity, cause that's all that I can offer. And by the way, I don't lose dignity easily."
My mom pursed her lips. In a calm voice (that she was trying to pull off) she said, "Rachel, get back here right now."
I turned back around and continued to run. Surprisingly, they didn't yell, or come after me.
They just turned around and walked back home.