P.S. I Love You

Me and Jon were once again the only two awake. We were trying to be quiet and it was working so far. We naturally were fine with sharing the bathroom in the morning but today it was on the bus and the bathroom was really small. I was brushing my teeth while he was brushing his which was really hard because we kept almost hitting each other while spitting and rinsing our brushes.

It got really awkward and silent when Jon and me were both practically pushed up against each other. We both stopped breathing at looked into each others eyes. It was an intense moment that may have turned into a kiss but Ryan knocked on the bathroom door causing Jon to blush and back off.

“What?!” Jon said, sounding slightly annoyed. Was it him who was writing me the notes?

“I have to piss and if I do it outside of the bathroom I'm not cleaning it up, neither is Brendon” he said.

“Well me and Spencer aren't cleaning it up” he said. Why in the hell did he say my name?

“Oh. You and Spencer are in there. Well then. I'll go piss out the window. Enjoy butt fucking each other” he said walking off.

I was bright red with embarrassment and furry. Jon flew out of the bathroom before I could see his face. I sighed and buttoned up my shirt the rest of the way before walking out and sitting on the couch next to Jon. It was slightly awkward but why? I stood up and walked back to my bunk. There was another note.

Dear Spencer, I don't know how much longer I can take hiding. I want you so badly that I'm hurting myself emotionally and mentally. Hopefully you'll know soon my love.

Now I'm almost certain it's Brendon. I sat back on the couch and sighed. I didn't want to come between Brendon and Ryan and I wasn't going to because I knew that I didn't like Brendon like that. As a matter of fact, I love Jon.

“What's wrong Spencer?” Jon asked

“I've been getting love notes from someone but I don't know who and it's driving me crazy.” I say

“Well Brendon and Ryan have each other, maybe it was one of the crew members?” Jon suggested

“But even the only two gay guys in the crew are dating each other.” I say

*Jon's point of view *
Shit shit shit, I think I just gave myself away.

“Maybe a girl likes you?” I say

“There are no girls in the crew except the happily married one whose at home because she's pregnant” he said

I sighed.

“Alright, I give up.” I say

“What do yo-” I cut him off by kissing him. I couldn't take these games anymore, it was killing me.

*Spencer's point of view *

I was too shocked to do anything. He pulled away before walking away. I'm so fucking confused. Later that night after the show I had another note but he wrote his name this time.

Dear Spencer, I know that you know who I am. It's fine if you don't like me back. Um, me and Ryan are going to go ahead and go through with the split. It was great working with you. I'll probably be in the back packing my suit case up as you read this...Love Jon

I sat down on the edge of my bunk and tried to think all of this out but I just couldn't. I was just so shocked. I looked around and it seemed as if the room was spinning. I felt sick. Then everything went black.

“I think he's coming around” I heard a faint voice say.

“I hope” I recognized the voices as Ryan and Jon.

“Guys?” I say

“Thank god” Brendon said.

“You okay?” Jon asked me. I shook my head.

“What's wrong?” he asked sitting next to me and grabbing my hand.

“I'm just tired. Don't worry about me. I'm fine” I say

“But you just...” I cut him off

“I'll be fine” I say

He sighed and stood up letting my hand go. He grabbed his bags and put them in Ryan's car. I just watched all of this unfold but first I had to do something. I was just too late to do it. I had another note but it was in my hand this time.Dear Spencer, this is very hard to write because I can't see straight. We're not meant to be and I'm sorry for kissing you earlier. I wrote a song for you. I left the pages behind. You'll be able to find them under my now vacant pillow.

I stared at the paper. He needed to make up his mind if I was going to confess to him how I felt.