That Four Letter Word

I smoothed out my dress for the tenth time in the past hour and looked at the clock in the limo. It was seven thirty seven. Then applied another coat of lip gloss and looked in the mirror.
"You look perfect, Keira, just like always." Jordan was sitting next to me adjusting the mirror so it turned away from me.
I frowned and sat back in the seat, too anxious to wait in this stupid traffic, and yet hoping that it would stay like this for a while. I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to see Dillion or not. Nor have I forgiven him...but part of me misses him, the person he used to be.
"How long do these things usually last?" Derington was in the very back seat with Jenny, watching something on the television set.
"A few hours. We'll be lucky to be out by nine, ten maybe."
His eyes opened larger, "Crap."
"Welcome to the land of shit!" Jordan slapped Derington's knee and sat back, laughing. I scowled at Jordan but my mood changed once the car abruptly stopped.
"We're here already?" my voice panicked as I looked quickly out the window. We were. I could see the building staring at us and dozens of people dressed nicely entered the front doors.
"Let's get our party on..." Jordan said in a monotone as we all exited the limo and entered the grand ballroom where the event was taking place.
The place looked enchanting, with white lights and baby blue table cloths centered around the marble floor. People decorated the beautiful setting in fragile dresses and handsome men at their sides, one couple sticking out over the rest. My parents. They waved at us to come forward and introduce my new siblings to their co-workers and friends. Derington was hesitant and part of him looked insecure in such an elaborate setting, but Jenny was eager to enjoy the night, after all she got to stay up past her bedtime. Jordan was bored with this crowd, as was I, so we said a quick word to our parents and sat down at one of the center tables.
My eyes roamed the room every few seconds just in case something new came through the doors, just in case Dillion had arrived. "Do you want to get something to eat?" Jordan pointed to a server who was dishing out steak to the table next to us.
"No, I'm fine." I fiddled with my thumbs nervously while tapping my empty stomach. The butterflies had come back, hitting twice as hard as normal, so I was in no shape to eat. Suddenly a figure showed up through the doors, accompanied by two others who were much older than him. The two adults were welcomed warmly by my parents and showed to a table near us. They were nicely dressed, her in silk it looked like, and him in an expensive suit. The boy was sitting next to the woman, wearing an equally stunning suit, which he wore extremely well. It clung to his built body and enhanced his beach blond hair so that every strand looked polished and perfect. They were perfect. The whole package in three people: money, looks, and respect.
Jordan's eyes popped and his head spun around to me. "Dillion's here."
I looked from my stomach to him, and then across the room to where they were sitting.
"Did you know he was coming?" his voice was shocked.
I opened my mouth, quivering anxiously, "No."
His eyebrows lowered and he looked back at their table. "He shouldn't be here."
"His parents are friends of our parents."
"You're defending him again?" Jordan was hurt, I could tell, but there was part of me that felt it was my job to defend Dillion. Jordan had no right to get mad at me for it.
"No, I'm just stating a fact," my voice raised.
He huffed, "well then, I guess I'm the only sane one left."'
"What is that supposed to mean?" I snapped as Derington sat down next to us, trying to act casual.
"It means that I'm the only one who remembers what he did!" Jordan's voice was louder than it should've been. No one heard, or if they did they didn't pay attention, but he was acting ridiculous.
"Lower your voice."
"No! I will not let you be friends with this guy again!" Now people were starting to turn their heads.
"Shut up!" I stood up and put my hands on my small hips. "If you want to yell at me at least let us go somewhere away from people."
He stood up and rushed out of the ballroom so I trailed him and left Derington confused and alone.
Once we were out of the ballroom we walked down the hall a little ways until we knew we were alone.
"God, Keira. I just don't get what you see in him anymore. Why do you talk to him?"
"I don't."
"He called."
"Because he wanted to talk. Not me."
"But you knew he was going to be here. That's what he said, wasn't it? You guys were going to talk, don't lie to me."
"Fine! We were going to talk, that's it. Can't we talk?"
"I can't believe you want to after what happened! Admit it, Keira, admit you still love him!"
"Leave it alone!"
He stopped talking and stared at me like I was a train going the wrong way. "Too bad you didn't get pregnant. You two would have beautiful children. You'd probably marry him, wouldn't you?"
"Stop it, you're being ridiculous."
"I love you, Keira, I love you so much that I don't care what happens!" he impersonated.
"Shut up."
"One more drink, just one more. Love me, Keira!"
"Shut up!" I shrieked and covered my ears with my arms. "Fuck you, Jordan!"
"I don't think he'd go that way, Keira. Although he managed to do it with you."
Tears fell down in painful drops on my cheeks and I stood there shaking while I listened to him.
"Maybe he'll do it again! Maybe you'll be so lucky that he asks this time! Who knows, Keira, maybe he'll love you next time he does it!"
I was crying so hard my knees broke loose and I fell to the floor. My hands touched the marble tiles and I kept my head down letting my hair fall over my face. My knees were stinging from the floor and the cold tiles but I didn't get up. He went too far this time.
There had been a silence for the past minute and I assumed he had stopped yelling. Either that or I passed out and hadn't woken up yet. I could only wish. Suddenly someones feet were in front of me and I felt him stand over me. "You OK?"
My heart skipped at the voice.
"He's gone. He went home."
I kept my head down but nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I can leave you alone from now on, if you want."
I didn't want that. I wanted to talk but my mouth was zipped shut. I wanted him to know that I forgive him, but I couldn't get myself to lift my head to say it. I heard his foot steps walk way and a shiver went through my spine as I started to cry again.
I need to say something or he's gone. Again. Say something, I yelled at myself. The tears were coming in streams but my thoughts were yearning to get out. I needed him to stay and explain. I needed him to let myself move on from the past.
"Wait!"