Worth The Wait

Devoured in thought; deeper emotion got me thinking the things I knew wasn’t right, the things I knew I should just ask about. I’m usually entitled to my opinion, but if I stick to my own opinion at what cost will it do to me? A thought in mind, a thought that wasn’t too great.

Slowly, I was dying to know, to know whether Daniel really felt that way about her, to know whether or not she felt that way about Daniel. I had to know. I needed to know. Did that hug from her to Daniel mean something? It seemed so innocent. It didn’t seem like they liked each other or something. Maybe it was the fact that I enjoyed the hug she gave me. Maybe it was jealousy? But I wasn’t mad or angry or sad or whatever emotions jealousy has you stirring, but I realized I haven’t been jealous before, so how would I know how jealousy would feel…

I don’t know why I constantly beat myself up in the inside. “Do I really deserve what I’m giving myself? Shouldn’t I be able to rest, to be problem free? No, of course not. I’m an idiot stuck at my own desired thoughts.“ I realized after I said that. I think pessimistic thoughts to comfort myself. Knowing that I can be how low I think I am. It was true, no matter what I’ve done, no matter what I’ve thought before, it was always me bringing me more down, but it satisfied me.

“Do… I go … to school?” I said word after word. I already missed a day, a day of education that I WILL need. Will I learn anything with her on my mind?

I rather sleep this off. I closed my eyes and in moments my mind shut off. No thoughts or trace of any sentence-like-thoughts what so ever.

She was outside, dressed for school, waving out the glass door. I rushed to get the door so she can come in, but when I did she said we were late. So I grabbed my bag and I left.

“So… Do you still have the note?” I asked.

“OH! Yeah, no I lost it after I was done talking to you, I couldn’t remember where I placed it.” Jaimee said.

“Do you remember what it was about or something?” I said. It felt weird that I kept hitting the subject not thinking that she probably knew I was going head over heels wanting to know.

“Yes, I know what it was about.” She answered proud and cheery. She seemed so happy and I thought that maybe she was happy. I didn’t want to come between that.

“It was a note about deeper emotion, a note about feelings, I think. Daniel told me last night on the phone.” She smiled.

“On the phone, oh he told you? Ha-ha, must’ve been good.” I tried saying as normal as possible. I didn’t really want to show the fact that I sort of knew, that I am trying to bring it out of her.

“… But in a way, I didn’t want to know. I guess it was sweet and all, but I didn’t exactly want that, but I am perfectly fine with it.” She said. It was as if she had to let it out and still tried to be happy at the end of saying it.

“I feel like getting a hug, you want to help me with that problem?” She said.

“Yeah.” I smiled in relieve. I was confused though if Daniel told her he liked her, she’s not happy with it. I was confused.

I reached out to hug her, cause it didn’t seem like she was heading my at all. Then right there I wanted to admit that I like her. I held her tight, and I whispered, “I… li..ke.. you.”

It was silent, after a while something broke the silence..

“Gerard, you butt wipe get the heck up.” Ryan said getting irritated. “Man, I hate waking you up.”

“Another dream, woken up by a spoiled brat… What happened to ‘I’m not going to wake you up anymore.’ You’re such a girl.” I chuckled.

I hate those nice dreaming moments and at the end when something good is going to happen or when something important happens you just HAVE to wake up, but what if she really liked the fact that Daniel liked her.

“ We’ll just have to find out.” I said as I sat up on my bed.

“Find out what?” Ryan said. I didn’t even notice he was still here and more listening to what I was saying. I felt like he invaded my personal thoughts.

“You’re pretty gay.” He said as he rushed outside.

So, I got dressed same as every other day of my life. So boring in the morning. I decided to skip breakfast and check if I didn’t forget any homework or books that I might need for a class or something. While I was up there, I saw Jaimee’s number pinned on my bulletin board.

I thought again, about everything. It’s sad how I kept bringing myself down especially on a bright and sunny day. I held my head, “What am I suppose to do.” Screamed right in my mind.

I headed down stairs and mom told me someone was on the phone for me. I picked it up and it was Jaimee.

“Hey, Good Morning skipper.” She said laughing.

“Good Morning to you too, Jaimee.” I replied.

“You want to ride with us today? My mom wants to drop me today she told me to ask if you wanted to ride with us. Well, she fully INSISTED on taking you with us.” She said.

“Oh, well, I don’t think I can.” I told her straight forward.

“Oh come on, don’t do it for my mom, do it for me.” I could tell by the way she said it that she was smiling.

“Yeah, I will then. What time though?” I asked.

“Just hope you’re dressed, cause we’re on the road.” She said laughing.

“OH GOSH, okaay, bye. I have everything ready though.” I said. I guess I was lucky for skipping breakfast and getting ready or I would’ve been nowhere near done.

“NONONO, just stay on the phone with me till we get there.” She said. To me it sounded more like she was asking me nicely.

“Oh, okaay, haha, so where are you at now?” I said

“We’re outside your house. Haha, yeah cool, right?” She laughed.

“What the hell, okaay bye, I’ll be out there soon.” I said.

I told my mom I was heading off to school and that I was riding with Jaimee today. All I really heard was “Have fun.” I got in their car and said Good morning to Jaimee’s mom and did the same to Jaimee. The drive was pretty slow and it was sort of quiet, Jaimee and I were sitting in the back seat.

My heart was racing like crazy. I guess that means I really wanted to tell her that I liked her. So, I went and said, “Hey…” Then she cut me off cause she said something the same time I did.

“Oh, were you going to say something? Haha, sorry, but I was just wondering, if you go school so earlier who goes with Daniel?” She asked.

She was kind of making it harder for me seeming how she’s bringing up Daniel. It felt weird.

“Daniel? Oh, he gets up late or well just later than us and he gets ready and walks, sometimes dropped to school, but he’s always on time.” I said.

“Makes sense, so what were you going to say?” She asked being considerate.

“Oh, I was going to say that I have you for some classes today.” I said lying.

“Oh… yeah, I just remembered.” She said like she wanted to know something.