Marked with Silence

It was like the four adults were the only ones at dinner. My mom shot me glances the whole time, wondering why I was so quiet, and wondering why Sapphira and I were sitting so close to the edges of our seats, trying to widen the distance between us.

Sapphira was quiet too, but no one really paid much attention to that.

I could barely look at her as I placed her jacket on her shoulders. I made my way to the stairs before she even left the house. I went straight to my room, not even bothering to help clean up. My dad yelled after me, but my mom told him to let me go. She knew I needed to be alone.

I was sprawled across my bed, my eyes fixated to the motionless ceiling fan above me. I couldn’t believe that I told her I loved her. It was my first time saying it. I couldn’t take it back. But even if I could, it wouldn’t make my words less true. I did love her. And that was why hearing her say that I was a ‘fucking idiot’ for it hurt so badly.

My cell phone was enveloped by sweaty fingers. I seemed to be clinging to it a lot these days, as if it ran my life like it did most people my age. I had been debating whether or not to call her for the past half hour. I was ready to make up. I guess I just wanted her to make the first move again.

“Screw it,” I muttered.

I sat up on my bed and found her name on my call list.

“Hello?”

I clenched my jaw.

Max.

“Why are you answering her phone?”

“She’s in the shower,” he replied.

I closed my eyes shut. I hated that he knew that. I hated that he would see her with her hair wet and smelling fresh of whatever tropical fruit-scented shampoo she used. I hated that maybe he had already experienced both of those things, and maybe more.

“Never mind then. Just tell her that I called, ‘kay?”

I started to remove the phone from my ear, but I heard Max telling me to wait.

“What?”

My mom would be pretty ashamed to hear how rudely I was speaking.

“We should talk. In person.”

I grabbed the back of my neck. “What for?”

“For her,” he stated simply. “I don’t want you to be fighting just because I’m here.”

“And why would you want to help things between Sapphira and I get better?”

“Because she feels bad about the whole situation. It’s making her even more unhappy.”

‘Some kind of happiness.’ Sapphira’s words echoed in my head. I didn’t think I could argue with that. I did want things to work out. But I didn’t know if I could trust Max to help.

I sighed, “When do you want to meet?”

“Are you free tomorrow? I was thinking we could meet somewhere? Maybe the McDonald’s? Is two good for you?”

“Yeah it’s perfect,” I said and then ended the call right after. I tugged at my hair with both hands.

Jealousy is love’s number one enemy.