Marked with Silence

I was liking the Delawarean winter. More snow, less ice storms. The whole time we were in Arkansas I wished we lived further north, so that I could have heard the light snow falling instead of sleet pounding the house rooftop. I had missed the scene in which several inches of snow had just fallen, covering every inch of outside with the white fluff.

But that was a week ago. Now, if the snow hadn’t melted, it had turned a disgusting shade of black. Road snow. It was the worst.

But I wouldn’t trade up Delaware for anything. Delaware had Sapphira.

And sadly, Delaware still had Max. He didn’t annoy me as much as he used to when he first came, but his presence still undoubtedly irked me. Although, I would much rather be there whenever Sapphira and Max were hanging out. Sapphira made sure of that for my sake, so that I didn’t go mad with jealousy.

Sapphira and I were actually supposed to meet Max for some Starbucks after school. Ten minutes was keeping us away from that, and from the start of winter recess. I was excited; I was hoping I would be able to be with Sapphira the entire break. Mr. and Mrs. Chadney were going to Miami for Mr. Chadney’s high school class reunion. Or at least, they planned on going once they made up their mind as to whether it was okay to leave Sapphira on her own or not. And I was hoping to help make up their minds.

Coincidentally, my dad left for Seattle two days ago for some military training, sabbatical thing, I wasn’t really sure why, I just knew that he wasn’t coming back until the day before New Year’s Eve, which was two days after Sapphira’s aunt and uncle came back.

I remembered the conversation Sapphira and I had had on the phone last night.

“So I convinced my aunt that I needed someone to stay here if they go to Miami,” Sapphira told me with enthusiasm.

“Why would you tell them that?”

“Because they’re completely okay with you sleeping over for the entire week to watch over me.”

“Seriously?”

“My aunt thinks you’re a blessing from God. My uncle says that you’ve made me more normal, and more happy. They kind of love you.”

I laughed.

“Do you think your parents will go for it?”

“Hm. I think I can convince my mom.”

“What about your dad?”

I smiled “We won’t have to worry about him.”

The bell rang, and everyone around rushed to get out of the classroom. Cheers rang up and down the hallway. Everyone was excited for a break from school.

I went straight to Sapphira’s locker, having gotten all the things I needed before last period. She wasn’t there yet, so I leaned my side against her locker and waited. I could tell the people next to me wanted me to move out of the way to have more space, but I shrugged them off.

I felt someone touch my hand. I smiled when I saw her and bent down to kiss her cheek.

“Do you need a lot of time at your locker?” I asked as I did a side step to get out of her way.

She shook her head, “I just need my math book and my coat.”

We walked out of the school hand in hand—jackets already zipped up to our necks. But she was still cold as we walked the half a mile to the Starbucks, so we began to walk with her wrapped against my side and my arm over her shoulder.

I told her about my day until we got to the door and I held it open for her. We were glad to step inside the hot, sweet-smelling sanctuary that was Starbucks.

Max wasn’t there yet.

“Go get a table, I’ll order. The usual?”

Sapphira gave a small smile and nodded, before taking an empty table-for-four near the window.

A couple minutes after Sapphira was enjoying her White Chocolate Mocha Latte, Max walked in. She stood up to give him a hug, and sat back down with a smile on her face. Max, of course, took the seat across from her.

“Hey Jerome.”

I gave him a smile that instantly dropped as soon as he looked away. I could feel the cold that he carried from outside as he took off his hat and gloves.

“So how was your day?”

“Good,” Sapphira answered. “We’re officially on break.”

“Oh, cool. Any big plans?”

She shrugged and shot a glance over to me, “Maybe.”

I chuckled, and Max looked to me and then back at her to see what was so funny. But he didn’t press on to find out.

“How was your day?”

“Not very exciting,” Max replied. “I bought these gloves since I didn’t think to bring any,” he pointed to the black and gray stripped gloves sitting on the counter next to his black hat. “And after that, I helped this elderly woman move her furniture for fifty bucks.”

Sapphira started biting her lip. “I’m sorry about making you stay at a motel. I know that you planned on crashing with me when you came here. I hope it isn’t costing you too much.”

He shook his head, “No big deal.” But I could see in his face that this was a sore topic. “The money is actually more for food. I remembered that one of my buddies from college lives about thirty minutes from here so I’ve been staying with him. I’m showing my gratitude by paying for his meals.”

Suddenly her eyes couldn’t be moved from the table, her teeth couldn’t leave her lower lip, and she kept circling the brim of her coffee cup with her finger.

“What’s wrong?”

My eyes and Max’s met, both of us startled that we asked the same question at the same time.

Sapphira sighed. “Max?”

“Yeah?” his reply was tentative.

“It’s time for you to leave.”

My eyes went wide and I sat up straight in my seat. She hadn’t mentioned this to me at all before.

“…Really?”

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee. “Do you really want to hear it?”

Max looked like he was contemplating his response.

My mind was everywhere. I don’t understand. What’s ‘it’? And why do they both know what it is and I don’t?

“Uh. Yeah, I think I need to.”

Sapphira looked straight into his eyes. “Are you sure? You’re still my best friend. I really don’t want to hurt you.”

She had that sad look on her face, and I hated myself for still feeling excited after seeing how hard this was for Sapphira to do.

“You upped and left for a year and I love you more now than I did then. I need to hear it.”

I didn’t know if it was because I knew that Max was finally going to be out of Sapphira’s life, or if it was him practically asking her to break his heart, but at that moment he didn’t irk me so much. I kind of admired him at that moment.

Sapphira took a deep breath, “I care about you. But not in a way that surpasses the best friendship that I have ever had. I owe you…everything. And I will always care about you, and be indebted to you. But I’m with Jerome now. And,” she paused for a second. “I care about him in that way a lot. You shouldn’t be hanging around here waiting for me. You need to move on. Please. Don’t waste any more of your life on me.”

I totally wouldn’t have blamed Max if he wanted to cry. Like he said to me before, Sapphira was a hard girl to love, but an even harder girl to lose.

Max looked at me, and didn’t look away for a while. I was pretty sure that he could see the happiness I was trying to mask. But I actually felt bad about it. He was crushed, and even I couldn’t relish in that fact.

Max stood up. I turned to Sapphira, she was on the brink of crying. Her teeth were lodged in her lip. “I’m sorry. But please, don’t…I can’t lose you.” She reached out and took his hand. “I-I can’t lose another—“

“Shh.” Max had bent down and with his hand on her hair pressed the side her face to his. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

He brought his hand down to her cheek and pulled his head away. Max just stared at her. Tears simultaneously fell from both of her eyes. Then he leaned in and placed a kiss on her check, one that lingered for more than a second.

Max then abruptly straightened. “Bye Jerome.”

And then he was gone.

I felt weight on my shoulder. I turned my head to see that Sapphira had practically fallen in to me. She was sobbing.

I immediately placed my arms around her and leaned my head on top of hers.

I opened my mouth to say ‘You didn’t have to,’ but we both knew that wasn’t true.

“Thanks baby,” I whispered instead as I rubbed her back.

She sniffled. “I figured that I need you more than I need him right now. And I knew that I needed to do this to keep you.”

I shook my head. “That isn’t true. You know you did this for him.”

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she cried out, “And he still can’t hate me for hurting him.”

I picked her up and sat her in my lap, trying the best to comfort her. By the time she was no longer sobbing the coffee was cold. And by the time the coffee was cold all the joy I previously felt was gone, and I was wishing that I hadn’t been so insecure about Max so that I could take back all the hurt she was feeling now; so that I didn’t feel the wrenching in my gut from knowing that I could have prevented the twisted expressions in her face, and the pain in her heart.