Marked with Silence

“Attention passengers. The plane will be landing shortly. Please take your seats, buckle in, and place all trays in the upright and locked position. Thank you.”

Anxiety rushed over me as soon as the flight attendant said that. I looked out the window, Hello Delaware.

I realized last night that I was supposed to be graduating the next day. Sapphira was graduating the next day. After that, I kind of snapped. I then spent the next two hours convincing my mom and dad to give me the money to fly to Delaware. I’m pretty sure my mom vetoed my dad’s objection because she knew how miserable I was—something my dad was unable to see.

So I jumped on a flight, and it was now six forty-nine. I had plenty of time to get to Cadbury by eight-thirty for the graduation. I had to talk to Sapphira there.

I hoped things turned out as I had been picturing in my head. Sapphira would see me out of the corner of her eye. And when she turned away in shock, I would run to her. She would be mad at me, of course. Extremely pissed actually. And then I would say that I was a fucking idiot for leaving and that I was so sorry and I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her if she would forgive me. Next she would talk about her family and how much I hurt her when I left. She would cry. I maybe would even cry. Then Sapphira would probably take a few hits at me. But the scene ended with her in my arms, with each of us saying ‘I love you.’

I shook my head at my fantasy—I was such a girl.

But deep down I was praying to God that what I pictured would become reality. I wouldn’t know what to do if I went there and apologized and she told me that she couldn’t take me back. I honestly didn’t think I could live with myself, or at least be happy. Ever.

For the hundredth time during the ride I smoothed down the front of my hair and adjusted the tie around my neck. Then I place both of my hands on the ends of the arms rest, as I began to feel the descent of the plane.


“Sapphira Cruz Torres. Summa Cum Laude.”

I stared as she walked across the stage to receive her diploma. Sapphira looked beautiful in the red graduation cap and gown. Her hair was pin straight and her cheeks were flushed. The sound of her high heels was amplified by the silence of the crowd, who were told to hold their applause until the end.

I felt my heart drop to my chest as my body suddenly felt very heated by the suit I was wearing. I didn’t think that it was going to hurt to see her for the first time in so long. I thought there was only going to be happiness. But I was wrong.

I paid attention to her face while the rest (or most) of my former classmates walked. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or not. And I wasn’t sure which I wanted her to be.

And then something bad happened when she went to sit back down. She saw me. Her eyes went wide and I felt as if she were looking directly into my eyes. I held my breath. I wanted to smile, but my entire face was frozen.

I guessed she had felt a pair of eyes on her, and she found out that they were mine.

Oh, shit

Sapphira’s eyes then darted to her lap as she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. I panicked as I watched her stay in that position. Already this wasn’t going as I had pictured and wanted.

I started to worry that right after the ceremony she would jump in her car so she wouldn’t have to confront me.

“Congratulations to Cadbury High School’s graduating class of 2011!”

The large crowd erupted in a roaring applause as the graduates on the stage threw their caps high into the air. Sapphira didn’t. She simply stood up and tried to go around rowdy graduates to get off of the stage. I sprung into action and began to move to intercept her.

As I was speed walking, trying to find the gaps between fathers handing flowers to their daughters and grandmothers holding their grandsons to their bosoms, I stopped in my tracks when I saw that Sapphira was approaching me. She was headed right towards me.

I just stood there as she continued to shorten the space between us. It felt like she was walking very slowly, and yet I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other to help us get any closer. She stopped when we were at least four feet apart, and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

We stood in silence.

“You came here,” she said. “so you talk.”

“Hi,” I choked out. Her eyebrows rose in annoyance.

I took a couple of deep breaths. She wouldn’t want to take back an incoherent idiot.

“I shouldn’t have left,” I said quickly. “It was the stupidest thing that I have ever done. And…I miss you. I am miserable without you. I literally haven’t been happy since I left Delaware. I am so sorry that I hurt you and that I didn’t fight my parents to let me stay. Or even fight for you. But, I love you. And, please, forgive me.”

I studied her face as she was taking a few moments to take it in.

“You’ve already said all that through the texts and messages you’ve left the past few months,” she replied coolly.

How is she being so distant when all I want to do right now is take her face in my hands and kiss her? We haven’t touched in the last four months. I didn’t understand.

“My graduation ceremony is next week but I will miss it if it takes that long for me to beg you to forgive me. I’ll go wherever you go. I’ll never leave you again. What college are you going to?”

“College enrollment has already passed,” she said matter-of-factly

“I’ll transfer. I got into every school you applied to. And I’ll find a way to get my parents to let me live here through summer. I’m eighteen now. I can live on my own. I’ll move here.”

Sapphira’s cool demeanor was starting to fade. She brought her fingers up to her face and wiped underneath her eyes. “It’s too late for those plans.”

“Don’t you love me?” I repeated the same words she said to me when I had told her I was moving.

“Of course I do.”

“Then take me back,” I pleaded.

“You can’t make up for all the times I was crying on my bed feeling the hole that you left in me,” she said loudly. “You can’t just come here and expect me to forget how I felt when you stopped being here. I don’t think you know how much you hurt me.”

I stepped towards her and clasped her hands in mine. I felt her tense a little. “I know that I hurt you. And it kills me that I did. But I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I will never love someone as much as I love you. And I know I didn’t show it four months ago when I left. I will always regret that day and all the days after that I didn’t come back. But we still love each other, right? We can make this work.”

She shook her hands from mine and placed her fingers on her temples. “It’s not the same anymore.”

“What’s the big change?” I exclaimed.

She sighed and then slowly pulled the necklace from her shirt. “My class ring only fits on my left ring finger.” On the white gold chain was a ring of equal color. And on the top there was fixed a good-sized diamond.

I stared speechlessly at the ring. I hoped it didn’t mean what I thought it meant.

“I’m engaged,” she whispered.

My mind clouded over, but then a certain image of a boy popped into my head.

“Max,” I said.

She nodded.

“How?” I asked.

I felt like crying. This was it. Even if she did forgive me, I didn’t know what that even meant if she didn’t take me back. She wasn’t going to take me back. I knew it.

“He came down for spring break. After he saw what a mess I was, he stayed. He moved out of the dorms and made the long commute to his classes. He proposed to me three weeks later.”

I shook my head and started running my hands through my hair. “Just like that?”

She shrugged. I didn’t think she knew what else to do.

“So when’s the wedding?” my voice sounded a bit malicious.

“Jerome…”

“When is it?” I demanded.

“July.” Two months. “We want to live in married housing,”

By then I was tugging my hair by its roots. “Oh, I cannot believe that this is happening.” I turned around while I tried to hold back tears. She was right in front of me, and yet I was feeling her slip out of my grasp.

Slowly I turned back around to face her. “He doesn’t love you like I do.”

She shook her head, making a tear drop fall from her eye. “Yes he does. Maybe even more. Max has always been there for me. I can count on him. Even though I’ve treated him like shit, he’s never left me. He never will.”

I almost couldn’t handle it. I never thought that Max had anything over me than the past that Sapphira and he shared. But here she was, basically saying Max was better.

“So do you love him more than you love me?”

She looked down at her feet and then started to answer. “I’ll always love you Jerome. I’m never going to want any one as much as I want you. But I need Max. I need his stability.” Her eyes then came back up to stare straight at mine. “I don’t need you.”

And those were the words that broke my threshold. The tears started to trickle down my face.

“Sapphy!”

Both of us looked to find Max walking towards us. He was wearing a black dress shirt and a pink tie—the pink the sky turned at sunset.

“Hey Jerome,” he said awkwardly as he put his arm around Sapphira’s waist. I couldn’t help but wish that that was my arm, and that I was him right now.

Max knew what was going on. He knew I knew. He knew that he had won the unspoken competition between us. He had gotten Sapphira.

“Your aunt and uncle are waiting,” he told her.

Sapphira nodded and then wiped her wet cheeks. She stared at me for a few seconds before closing the gap between us. And then she rose on her tippy toes and softly placed her lips on mine. My stomach began to feel warm and tingly, something I hadn’t felt in the past five months; something that I wouldn’t feel for the rest of my life.

“Good bye Jerome,” Sapphira said shortly in my ear before going back to Max’s side.

I looked at Max’s face and I couldn’t see any signs that he was mad. Maybe it was because even though he knew the kiss meant something, it didn’t change anything.

“They’re by the car. I’ll catch up in a bit, okay?”

Sapphira nodded and then Max bent down and pecked her on the cheek. She walked past me without even looking. And then she was gone.

I felt stupid, standing there in front of Max crying because I was in love with the girl that he was going to marry.

“What?” I spat out.

I saw the pity in his eyes. “I just wanted to say sorry. I know that this has to be hard for you.”

But I didn’t feel his sympathy. All I felt was broken.

“She’s never going to love you like she loves me,” I said spitefully.

“That may be true,” Max said maturely. “But I’m head over heals for her. And Sapphira loves me in a lot of ways and she chose me. And that’s enough to make me happy.”

“And do you make her happy? As happy as I made her?”

I was wearing Max’s kindness thin. “I don’t make her sad.” And with that he walked passed me and left.

I just stood there for a few minutes, watching all the graduates find their families with happy smiles. Slowly the field became emptier.

When I finally moved I took a seat in one of the many empty folding chairs. I placed my elbows on my knees and placed my head in my hands.

I had lost.

I have lost everything.