Broken

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain there is healing

In your name I find meaning

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I couldn’t believe this. She can’t be. She couldn’t possibly be.

I was in denial, even though the evidence was right in front of me.

My girlfriend of 2 years, Maria Meyer, was in the hospital. She was in a bad car wreck, and although she was wearing a seatbelt, she hit her head. Now she’s in a coma, and on a respirator. The guy who hit her was a drunk driver. I would have rather he have hit me that her. I would rather take the pain for her, than to have her go through this. Her beautiful smile, along with her dark red hair and blue eyes were all I lived for at the moment.

“Mr. Kaulitz?” a nurse addressed me, bringing me back to earth. I had been sitting next to Maria, stroking her hand absentmindedly. “I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over. They open back up tomorrow morning at 6 o’clock though. You can come back and visit her again as long as you like.”

I nodded my head, and before leaving, kissed Maria on the forehead, murmuring, “I’ll be back in the morning, liebe,” even though they told me she couldn’t hear anything. She probably could, so I didn’t give up hope.

“So, how was she?” Tom asked once I got home. “You were up there for awhile.”

“She’s still in a coma, if that’s saying anything. Her parents came and visited her for a few hours around midday. I left them alone while I went to eat lunch, then came back to the room,” I said, rattling off what I did while I was up there.

“Hope she comes out of it soon. I hate to see you like this, fretting your days and nights away,” Tom said, showing some concern on his face.

“Yeah, well, until she does, I’ll be visiting her everyday. If she’s still in a coma once we start another tour, I’ll be calling her parents everyday to see how she’s doing. You know I won’t give up on her, Tom,” I said, getting forceful at the end of it.

“I know you won’t Bill. It wouldn’t be like you if you didn’t,” he said, pulling me in a one armed hug before going to his room to do whatever it was that he wanted to do. I then went to bed, deciding that when I woke up, I’d go visit her again.

The next day wasn’t any better, she was still in a coma, and I was still fretting about the situation. I called my mom, since I hadn’t talked to her in awhile, and told her how I was doing, and what I had been fretting over, and she told me not to worry, that she would get out soon. She told me to relax, and visit her everyday, and to talk to Maria too. How very “mom” of her to say that. I decided to take her advice, and relax about the situation until the fretting is called for.

Over the next few weeks, I’d visit her everyday; sometimes my brother or my band mates would come too, just to see how she was doing for themselves. A few times I’d sing to her, Tom playing the guitar while I sang. I really hoped she was able to hear everything, that way she knows how much she means to me. I hoped to marry her one day, even told her so at one point. I even had the engagement ring with me, for whenever she woke up.

4 months had passed since the accident, and she was still the same as ever, despite her hair being longer. Things hadn’t changed much, and we were about to go on another tour, this time going to America for a month. I was worried about leaving her, but Tom reminded me what I had told him, that I could call her parents to see how she’s doing. I finally got convinced to go on the tour, and stuck to my word about calling everyday.

Half into the tour I got a call from her parents.

“Bill? This is Mr. Meyer. We wanted to call you about Marie. The doctors told us that they were thinking about cutting her life support, since she hasn’t been improving any. We wanted to tell you that, and also that we wanted to know what you thought about it. We wanted you to be a part of the decision too,” he told me grimly. I was numb. Cut her life support? Were the doctors crazy? No way!

“They can’t cut the life support! They just can’t!” I said into the phone, my voice breaking at the end.

“Are you able to come back to Germany to tell the doctors so?” he asked me.

“Yeah, I think so, let me check back with you!” I said quickly, ending the call, and running to my manager.

“David!” I shouted at him, skidding to a stop in front of him.

“What do you want, Bill?” he asked me, probably a bit annoyed at my skidding.

“Could we cut the tour short? The doctors back in Germany are about to make a decision on my girlfriends life, and her parents said that I could be part of the decision process,” I said nervously, hoping he said okay. This was really important to me.

“What’s going on?” Georg cut it, eyeing the scene in front of him.

“Bill’s wanting to cut the tour short because of his girlfriend,” David explained.

“Why? What happened? Is she alright?” Georg said, suddenly a bit more interested in the conversation, and a little bit concerned.

“They are about to make a decision about cutting her life support, and her parents said that I could be one of the people they talk to about it,” I explained quickly.

“Whoa, are they serious? They can’t do that! You’ve got to get down there now! The fans would understand!” Georg said a bit outraged, turning to David for an answer about the matter.

David sighed, then said, “Alright. We’ll do it. Go call them.”

I jumped for joy, and headed where I left the phone.

“I’ll go tell Tom and Gustav,” Georg decided, and ran off to tell the others.

I was back at the hospital the next day, after talking to her parents. I was so nervous! What if they overruled my decision? What if her parents disagreed with me? I walked into the doctor’s office, sitting next to her parents after giving them a hug each.

“Alright, now that everyone is here, I would like to hear your decisions on the matter of cutting off or keeping Maria’s life support,” he addressed to us.

“We’ve both thought this through, and we think that she should be kept on life support for the next week, and if nothing changes, then y-you can c-cut it o-off,” her mother said, starting to cry at the end, her husband holding on to her.

“You mean basically she’s only got a week left? No! No, no, no, no, NO!” I shouted outraged, then ran out the door. I ran straight to her room and slammed myself into the chair next to her hospital bed. I started crying, and it wouldn’t stop.

I was full out sobbing when a small voice whispered, “Bill? Why are you crying?” I looked up where the voice was coming from and nearly choked on my tears. Maria had woken up, all because I was sobbing at her side.

“Maria!” I cried, enshrouding her in a hug, careful not to crush her. “You’re awake! Oh my god, I’ve been worried sick about you! They were about to cut your life support off in a week if you didn’t get better, and that why I ca-“ she put her finger on my lips to shush me, and I backed away a bit, kneeling at her bed side. I then took her hands in mine, happy that she was awake.

“You’re rambling, sweetie,” she said in a soft tone, still a bit weak, smiling a bit too. “What exactly happened to me?” She then swept her eyes around the room, a shocked look starting across her face, then turning her head back to me.

“You were in a car wreck, a bad one, but even though your wore your seatbelt, you hit your head and you were in a coma for awhile. A drunk driver hit you,” I looked away from her at the last comment, but I kept my hands laced with hers.

She smiled now, I guess happy that she knew what was going on. “Where are my parents, then?”

“I guess they are still in the doctors office,” I trailed off, and then my eyes lightened up. “I’ll go and get them! Be right back, liebe!” I then ran to the doctors’ office. “Mr. Meyer! Mrs. Meyer! Maria’s awake, Maria’s awake!” I shouted, and then started rushing with them as they ran to the room, the doctors in tow.

“Maria honey! You’re awake!” her mother sobbed out, giving her a huge hug, her dad on the other side hugging them both.

“It’s okay mom, I’m fine, although I am still a little weak from all of this,” she said as she tried to wipe away her mom’s tears through the hugging her parents were giving her.

“It’s natural to feel a bit weak after you’ve woken up. We are very happy that you are wake now, Ms. Meyer. We thought you’d never show at this rate. How did you do it, son?” the doctor then turned to me, wonder written all over his face. Everyone turned to look at me, her parents settling on the sides of the bed.

“I don’t know. I came in here crying at the thought of losing her in a week, and I guess that’s what woke her up,” I then looked down and mumbled, “I love her too much to let anything happen to her.” I looked up to see that Maria heard that last part, and she was smiling gratefully.

“Mom? Dad? Could you give me a moment with Bill? I want to ask him something,” she suddenly asked.

They looked at her reluctantly, then back at me, and then replied, “Okay. Call for us if you need us.” They hugged her before leaving, and then it was just the two of us. I walked to her bed and sat down at the chair next to it, scooting the chair so I could be close to the bed.

“What is it, liebe?” I asked.

She took my hand, and then asked, “Were you serious about what you were asking me when I was in a coma? About w-wanting to marry me?” She looked intently into my eyes, and I could feel a hint of a blush on my cheeks. Both of us were only 21, but I love her and was sure about it.

“Well, yes, yes I was. I love you, Maria, and I don’t know what I would do without you. I’d probably die if I didn’t have you,” I then pulled the box that I had on me, and heard her gasp. “Maria, will you marry me?” I then opened the box, containing her engagement ring.

I saw her tear up, and then she whispered, “Yes.”

I then put the ring on her shaking hand, and then kissed her with all the love I had in me.

After we kissed, she said, “We need to tell my parents. They need to know about it.”

“We already know, honey,” her mom said, rushing towards her, pulling her into another hug. “We heard through the door. We were listening in, if you don’t mind. We were wondering what you wanted to ask him.”

Her dad hugged me, and then added, “I’m not surprised though. You two look like you had it all wrapped up. If someone loves you that much, to stay with you all this time, then he’s good in my book.”

I beamed at him, and he smiled back at me. I was on a happiness high, and nothing was going to bring me down.